Chapter 54
Eleanor
Later that night, Greyson came knocking at the front door of the guesthouse. I had been waiting there until I knew Karla was all right—there was no way I’d be able to drive home without knowing. As I opened the door, I wrapped my arms tightly around my body. “Hey, is she OK?”
“Yes and no,” he commented, looking down to the ground.
“Claire is over there with her right now, and we’re looking up some treatment centers for her mental health.
She, um—” he swallowed hard “—she had a bottle of pills with her, Ellie. She didn’t take any of them, but I think she thought about it.
It turns out some bullies at school told her to kill herself. ”
“Oh my gosh, Grey . . .” I couldn’t wrap my head around how people could be so cruel. Where did humans learn to be so dark? How could those words ever leave anyone’s lips?
“Everything she’s been through, on top of seeing you and me together, I think that was her breaking point. I can’t have her struggle anymore, Ellie, which is why I’m asking if you could—”
“It’s fine,” I told him, cutting him off. “I know it’s not good for her health for me to be here, so I’ll find a new place to work, Grey.”
“I just want you to know all this was more than a job, Ellie . . . you were more than the nanny.”
“I know, but it’s OK. Karla matters most. When I lost my mom, there was one big thing that kept me going each day, and I’m sure it will save Karla from drowning too.”
“And what’s that?”
“You. It was you, Greyson. And who knows? Maybe this is our thing. Maybe we come together when we need each other most, and then we move on again.”
“Yeah, maybe. There were moments when I thought we could be us again, though. But, like, more than us. A new kind of us where falling together would be our norm.”
I smiled. “Yeah, me too.” Dream a little dream with me.
“But the truth is, I’m not OK, because I can’t be OK if my daughters aren’t. Honestly, I don’t know when we’ll be OK, but I’m working on it, Ellie. I’m working on bringing my family back together. And then I want to find you again.”
My body began to shake as he said those words. “Grey . . .”
He shook his head and looked up toward me.
“My world is better with you in it. I just need you to know that. I just can’t be what you deserve right now, but I promise to my core that I will work on becoming a man worthy enough to love you.
Because at the end of the day, you’re the one I want to fall asleep beside.
You’re the one I want to wake up to come morning.
Now, I know that it’s not fair of me to ask you to wait, but—”
“I’m here, Greyson,” I cut in. “I’m here, waiting. It’s been over fifteen years since I’ve been dreaming of you,” I joked. “What’s a little more time?”
“So is this the point where we say goodbye again?” he asked. “It feels like we’re always saying goodbye after we say hello.”
“Not goodbye, just until we meet again. Until then, can we keep in touch? With email?”
“Yes, of course. Or you can call me, or anything. I’m always here for you, Ellie, even when I can’t physically be there.”
He moved in closer and enveloped his arms around me. I fell into him the same way I always did, effortlessly. Our foreheads touched, and we took our inhales together. In that moment, our timing was right. He was there, and I was there, and we were one.
I shut my eyes and tried to tame my heartbeats. We were so close that I swore I felt his lips graze across mine.
He softly said, “I want to kiss you, but I can’t. Not now. Not yet. But I just need you to know, when I kiss you next . . .” His breath danced against my skin as his words spilled into my soul. “It will be forever.”
* * *
After watching everything that unraveled with Greyson and his family, I knew I had to make a trip of my own. As Greyson worked hard to fix his unit, I felt it was finally time for me to fix mine.
I packed my suitcase to make a trip down to Florida to see my father. I hadn’t even told him I was coming, because if I did, I was certain he’d make up excuses to not see me.
But before going to the airport, I made an important stop first.
It took me a while to find the tombstone, but when I did, I took a few deep breaths before speaking. I held the bouquet of roses in my hands as I stood still.
“Hi, Nicole. I know you don’t know me, but my name is Eleanor, and I am in love with your family.
Every part of them is loved by me, but I won’t be able to watch over them for a while.
So I wanted to stop by here to just ask for a little help.
Can you keep looking after them? I’m worried about Karla, but I know if her mother is watching over her, then she will be OK, because that’s what mothers do—they make everything OK.
So please keep an eye on her heart, because I know it’s such an important heart to have in this world.
This world needs Karla, so if you could wrap your light around her, I’d be so thankful.
“Also, thank you for keeping your conversations with Lorelai going strong. She loves you more than you’ll ever know.
Lastly, if you could look after Greyson for me, that would be great.
I know there are parts of him that probably think he needs to let go of you in order for him and me to fall together, but I don’t believe that’s true at all.
You showed him a love that made him the man he is today, which is a beautiful thing to see.
It’s because of you that Greyson is strong, so please stay with him.
Protect them all for me, Nicole, and I know they’ll feel your love in the wind. ”
I laid the flowers down on her grave and thanked her once more.
“Oh, and if you see my mother, can you tell her I love her?” I asked. “And no matter what, I’m still here for her always.”
As I spoke to one angel about another, a dragonfly danced right past me, and I swore the broken pieces of my soul slowly began to heal.