22. Vein Cut From the Heart #2
“Absolutely not.” A muscle in his jaw twitches. “It’s freezing out here, and I’m not letting you walk home or call a cab. Now stop being stubborn for one minute and get. In. The. Car.” He points toward it, each word sharp, leaving no room for argument.
I fold my arms, hugging myself against the cold. “Only if you tell me the real reason you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I already have!” He throws his hands into the air, exasperated. “What else do you want me to say?”
“The truth.” I blink rapidly, trying to clear my vision. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? I thought we were friends, Nik.”
He drags a hand through his hair, looking skyward as if searching for strength. “Dammit, Eleanor…” His voice softens, raw. “Have you ever once considered that maybe I like you more than a friend?”
My heart slips into stillness.
He shakes his head, stepping closer until his voice drops low, meant only for me.
“And how those feelings cross a line? What happened Thursday night shouldn’t have happened.
I’m your coach.” He clenches his jaw. “It doesn’t matter if I want more with you.
It can’t happen. At least not right now.
” His eyes search mine, almost pleading.
“So please… cut me some slack. Get in the car. Let me drive you home.”
I stand frozen, searching for words. Hearing him say those things to me feels surreal. That someone like him could ever feel anything for someone like me, with all my baggage… it feels impossible.
I nod, my throat closing around anything I might say.
Relief washes over his features. “Thank you.” He offers his arm with a crooked smile. “So you don’t slip. It looked like you were about to bust your butt a few times running away from me.”
A short huff leaves me. “Well, I wouldn’t have almost slipped if you weren’t chasing me.” I slide my hand through his arm, letting him guide me carefully across the ice patches.
When I get into his car, a shiver tears through me, and I nearly melt at the blast of heat from the vents. Nik rounds the hood and gets into the driver’s seat, the air between us thick with everything he’s just confessed.
I don’t know what it means for us. Not that there is an us… but there are feelings now—ones he’s admitted out loud. And mine, locked away in my chest, feel heavier than ever.
He reaches behind his seat and pulls out a black hoodie, holding it out. “Here. Put this on.”
I take it, our fingers brushing briefly, before tugging it over my head and sinking into its warmth. It smells just like him. Sandalwood and mint. A smell that’s becoming my favorite.
When I look at him again, his jaw is set, and his eyes are unreadable.
“You would really run out into the snow in a flimsy sweater just to get away from me?” His voice is low, more wounded than annoyed.
“I… I was upset with you.” I draw a steadying breath. “You avoiding me hurt my feelings.”
He nods once, a muscle ticking in his cheek.
“I know. And I’m sorry. I just—” He covers his eyes, rubbing his temples with a long, heavy sigh.
“It’s almost opening night, my mother’s on hospice, and I…
like a girl I can’t have but can’t stay away from.
” His gaze shifts to mine, then down again.
“I know I shouldn’t say that. I thought if I put some space between us, it would help.
But after Thursday night, I felt ashamed. More than I have in years.”
A raw edge creeps into his voice. “And I’m sorry I dragged you into that. You shouldn’t have to put up with my mess when you’re already carrying so much of your own.” He fidgets with his hands in his lap, as if he’s afraid to look at me again.
I rest my hand lightly on his arm, drawing his eyes back to mine. “You don’t have to hide your mess from me. I want to be there for you, the same way you’ve been there for me.” A small smile tugs at my lips. “Besides, I like it when you drive me home. Lily’s terrifying in the snow.”
He lets out a surprised laugh. “She really is. I’m sorry I put you through that.”
My smile grows. “Just don’t do it again.”
Nik shakes his head with a quiet chuckle, putting the car in drive and steering us down the road. For the first time in a week, it feels lighter between us.
A few minutes later, his phone rings through the speakers, making me jump a little. He glances at the dashboard. “It’s my mother’s nurse. Do you mind if I take this?”
“Go ahead,” I say softly.
He presses the accept button. “Hey, Rosie. Is everything okay?”
“Just fine,” comes the reply, muffled with a bit of background noise. “I was calling because I realized there are some legal documents we need signed. You’re the only next of kin. Do you think you could stop by for a few minutes to take care of them?”
Nik’s eyes flick toward me, then back to the road. “Uh… when do they need to be signed by?”
“As early as possible,” Rosie answers gently.
I catch his hesitation and whisper, “We can go.”
He turns his head slightly, whispering back, “Are you sure?”
I nod, firm and encouraging.
“Okay, yeah. I’ll stop by. I’ll be there soon,” Nik says, his knuckles pale against the wheel.
“Great. See you then.” The line clicks off.
The rest of the drive passes in silence.
Nik keeps fidgeting—tapping the wheel and shifting in his seat.
It’s like him bringing me here has him on edge.
I can’t understand why. I’ve met Irina before, even shared pleasant conversations with her while she worked on my costume.
But whatever he’s feeling seeps into the air between us, and I can’t help but absorb some of his nervous energy.
The hospital is cold and sterile, the tang of iodine and rubbing alcohol coating the air.
The fluorescent lights beam overhead, making everything feel harsh and unnatural.
A shiver skitters down my spine. I’ve never been comfortable in places like this, and by the look etched on Nik’s face, I know he feels the same.
Nik props his elbows on the front desk. “Good afternoon. I’m here to see Irina Kozlov. Well, Rosie specifically.”
The receptionist’s fingers fly across the keyboard. “Sure, give me a moment to see where Rosie is.”
We stand there in silence, both of us carrying an invisible weight. I hesitate, nerves battling with instinct, then slowly reach out and brush my fingers along his back, tracing small circles.
Nik stiffens at first, and for a moment I think I’ve made a mistake. But then his shoulders ease, the tension in him softening beneath my touch.
“Okay…” The receptionist clicks her mouse a few more times. “Rosie is actually scheduled to be in Irina’s room now. Let me just get you some visitor’s passes, and I’ll buzz you through.”
“Thank you,” Nik says, his voice rough.
She hands him two passes, and he immediately passes one to me. “Do you know where to go?” she asks.
Nik gives a small nod.
A loud buzz sounds as the wooden double doors unlock. “Go right on in.”
“Thank you.”
Nik gestures for me to follow.
The hallway beyond the doors is crowded with life and illness. Lunch trays sit abandoned on carts, nurses guide frail patients down the corridor, and bags of fluid sway from tall metal poles as people shuffle past. The sterile, heavy air clings to me.
I edge closer to Nik, my skin prickling with unease. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. But I promised myself that I would be here for him. And I’m not going to break that promise now.
We stop in front of a door marked 153. Nik knocks softly, and it opens to reveal a middle-aged woman with dark curly hair piled into a claw clip.
“Nik, thank you so much for stopping by on such short notice,” she greets warmly, then notices me lingering behind him. “Hello, I don’t think we’ve met.” She extends her hand. “I’m Rosie, Irina’s nurse.”
Her palm is cool against mine. I force a smile, trying not to seem as uneasy as I feel. “Eleanor.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Rosie’s eyes soften, but when she looks back at Nik her tone shifts, businesslike.
“It shouldn’t take long. I noticed a few unsigned documents while going through paperwork.
I tried calling Vadim, but he didn’t answer…
and since you’re listed as next of kin…” She offers an apologetic smile.
Nik answers quickly. “It’s no problem, really.”
“Great.” Rosie pushes the door wider. “Eleanor, why don’t you go sit with Irina, while I take Nik with me.”
Nik goes pale, the color draining from his face as his attention shifts from me to Rosie. “Uh, can she come with us? I don’t think—”
“I’m afraid that due to HIPAA she can’t. It really will only take a moment.” Rosie winces sympathetically.
I cut in before he could argue. “It’s okay. I can stay.”
He gives a small, reluctant nod, like he’s trying to convince himself it’s safe to leave me.
“Thank you,” Rosie says. She leads us further into the room, and my eyes land on the woman in the hospital bed. Pale, fragile, and a blanket tucked up to her chest.
“Irina, I have a surprise for you, darling,” Rosie announces gently.
Irina’s head turns at the sound of Rosie’s voice, and when her gaze lands on me, her face lights up with a wide smile.
“Eleanor, Milochka, how good it is to see you.” She stretches out a thin hand toward me.
I hurry to her bedside, the weight in my chest loosening just a little. Her skin is cool and fragile beneath my fingers as I clasp her hand. “It’s good to see you too,” I whisper.
Nik clears his throat from the foot of the bed. “What about me? Not happy to see me?” His smile is small, but his voice carries the faintest thread of vulnerability.
Irina narrows her eyes playfully. “I’m always glad to see you, Nikusha. But today you brought a lovely girl with you, and I am also happy to see her.” She punctuates the words with a wink in my direction.
Blood rushes to my cheeks, forcing me to fight for a calm expression.
Nik rolls his eyes. “I need to sign some papers. Please don’t say anything… embarrassing.” He arches a brow at her.