LAILAH
TWENTY-ONE
The moment we got home, Cami led me right up to my bedroom and started the shower, helping me peel off my stiff blood-soaked clothes.
Thankfully, we found that the wounds I did have were nothing too major.
A few might need a couple of stitches, but I knew Jay could do them for me.
The feeling of the water pelting against my sensitive skin, as I watched the water run red with the blood that covered my body and hair, was a surreal moment.
The moment my mind tried to wander to the fact that I'd just killed so many people today, I shut it down and focused on one of the exercises my therapist used with me.
Fact: I did what I had to do to survive, and no one holds that against me but myself.
Fact: Those people were no longer people anymore, but puppets for demons, so what I did was the only way to set them free.
Fact: I did not harm these people in cold blood or enjoyment, which proves that I'm not a murderer.
I'd worked so hard to overcome everything that happened over New Year’s, that I couldn't let myself fall down that rabbit hole again.
Lailah Mackenzie was a survivor, and Knight of the Elementi, blessed by the angels with the gift of Synergy.
I'd been given the gift of being the secret weapon that can turn the tables on evil to win this war and keep the world safe.
Was I hurt, knocked down, and heartbroken?
Yes, I absolutely would acknowledge those feelings and accept them to be true for myself right now.
Was I broken beyond repair? Not in this fucking lifetime, but I was going to allow myself to feel this pain and not hide it where it could be used against me.
The Dark Lord had shown me more than once, anything hidden could be found and turned into a weapon.
Lilith already used Parker's feelings for Phoebe to ruin him, but I wasn't going to let that happen to me.
When I finally felt like I was ready to be around the others, I toweled off, carefully dabbing at my skin in areas that were tender, before I slipped on a tank top and undies.
Jay would need to take a look at everything before he decided how to deal with things, so no sense in putting on more clothes than I needed to.
The room was empty, which surprised me since I expected Jay or Micah to be ready to pounce on me the moment I came out.
Panic filled my chest as I worried that they left me too, once they saw what a mess I was.
Did they judge me for killing all those people?
Could I have been wrong about everything all along?
"Sunshine," Hudson's voice called softly through the bedroom door. "I can feel your panic, can I come in?"
"Yes," I squeaked out, as I fought against the panic that was trying to take over.
Hudson opened the door and headed right for me, pulling me against his warm body.
He pressed my head against his chest, where I could hear his heartbeat and took in a deep breath, then let it out nice and slow.
We'd done this so many times that words weren't needed, I knew to follow along and lose myself in the steady thump of his heart.
People who didn't know this amazing man might call him cold or stiff, but it was only because he felt things so much deeper than anyone else I knew.
His love was unconditional, his patience never ending, and his anger for whoever was unfortunate to witness it was swift and absolute.
He was a man I completely trusted my heart with, no matter what my fear said, because I knew that I had his as well.
"What I wouldn't give to share this burden with you, my light, my soul, my Sunshine," Hudson murmured, as he placed soft kisses on each of my eyes where my tears leaked out, then finally my lips.
There was no pressure for something more, just the simple comfort of touch.
"Don't hide from us, let us in, we are strong enough to hold you up through this.
Let us prove that we won't leave you, no matter what lies behind that wall you've built to protect yourself right now. "
"How can I ask that of you?" I sobbed. "Then you won't want me once you see how truly broken I am.
I was just managing to put myself back together, Hudson, and he destroyed it all in the blink of an eye.
The ultimate weapon you've been waiting for is nothing more than a shattered girl with a broken heart. "
"Lailah," Hudson pulled back from me so he could see my face.
"I don't give a shit about saving the world right now, not if it means making you suffer more than you already are.
What matters to me right now, in this moment, is that the love of my life is in pain, and I can't do much to help you except to just be there for you, however I can.
Broken things can be made into something new, something better, and I'm not afraid of what you're truly feeling, nor will the others.
Don't take my word for it, let us show you. "
I nodded, tears rolling down my cheeks at his words, but still feeling numb in my heart.
One of the strongest muscles in your body and yet so fragile when it gets stomped on.
I let Hudson wrap me in a robe and lead me down into the kitchen, where everyone was sitting around the table looking as if someone died.
In a way, I suppose they too felt the loss of Parker, having been friends with him for so many years and connected though being one of the knights.
After centuries of the Elementi being in existence, something like this happening was unheard of.
Even Cami looked as if she'd been crying, and made me wonder if she'd had to report what happened with HQ back at Ryevick.
The moment they saw me, the guys all stood and walked over to me, each needing to touch me or hug me.
Jay led me over to a stool near the counter, where his medical supplies were all laid out, and helped me out of the robe.
"You're lucky, this could have been much worse," Jay stated as he took in every scratch and bruise on my body.
"Thank God I had good teachers who always pushed me, knowing it would one day save my life," I answered, catching his gaze. "Thank you."
Jay reached out and stroked my cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I shouldn't have let you go there without all of us."
"No," I said, grasping his hand. "We are not going to play that game, Jay.
Each of us made choices based on the information we had at the time.
Some of them were wrong and others could have been handled better, but no one person is at fault for everything that went down.
I shouldn't have jumped into dealing with that situation with only the two of us.
I was just so worried about Phoebe going through what I did, and that made me rash, trying to compensate for my own fears. "
Jay's stoic mask fell away, showing me just how much he cared for me and how the events of today had hit him deeper than he'd ever let on. "I could have lost you today, Lailah, that's twice now that I haven't been there."
"What do you guys keep telling me? Blaming doesn't change what happened, we need to learn from it instead," I reasoned. "I can't have you guys falling apart too, who will keep us going if we all crumble?"
"Oh, don't you worry about that Lala," Cami announced. "I'm not leaving until you lot convince me that you can be trusted on your own again."
I frowned at that, letting go of Jay's hand so he could start work on my injuries. "Wait, what about Maggs?"
"Trust me, when I explained to her and Beth what was going on, they both agreed that you needed me to stick around," Cami shared, confirming my suspicions. "There needs to be someone with estrogen, and not dating you, to keep a clear head about things—wouldn't you agree?"
"As selfish as it is, I'm glad you're going to stick around longer than two weeks," I answered, giving her a smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes.
"Beautiful, I need to put in a few stitches, but I don't have anything to dull the pain locally. What I can do is give you a pain killer that will make you sleep so I can deal with these," Jay informed me.
Glancing at the clock, I saw it was only four p.m. but I was more than ready to be done with this day. "I'll take the pain killer, might be the only way I get sleep right now."
"You know they make your nightmares worse," Jay cautioned.
"I’ll have them regardless, but there's a chance that I can have a solid few hours before they start this way," I countered.
Jay nodded and pulled out a pill bottle from his pack, handing me the pill along with a can of root beer.
The gesture of making even taking a pill less awful, by having my favorite drink ready assured me that even if I couldn't see it now, I might just be able to rebuild my heart with these men.
"It takes about thirty minutes to kick in, let's get you to eat something light and watch a show, hmm? "
Nodding, I let him prepare whatever he had in mind for me as I pulled up the robe and headed for the living room.
The guys all joined me and carefully maneuvered me so I was touching them all in one way or another as we flipped through the channels.
I'd just barely finished my bowl of soup before I started to fade, zoning in and out to the sounds of Bob's Burgers playing on the television, then I was out.
"Little Synergy, how nice of you to come back to see me," the Dark Lord purred. "I was beginning to think you actually believed you could be free of me."
Panic surged through me, as I realized that I wasn't just in the blissful darkness of sleep, no I was in the in between space that was nowhere really at all.
The Dark Lord and I have had many encounters here since the time I started school at Ryevick.
Of course, back then he didn't have as much of a foothold into my mind as he did now, but he managed to frighten me just fine then as much as now.
"Did you know Mozog's plan?" I asked, deciding to take charge of the conversation instead of him this time.
I could feel the air vibrate with tension at the mention of his name. "That woman isn't strong enough to handle being the conduit to Lilith. There is a reason it had to be you, and not just any pathetic human woman."
"Are you saying the connection will kill her?"
"She won't last more than a week before her body decays and Lilith's connection will be cut off. Mozog will have to do the ritual continuously with a new woman if he plans to revive her that way. My plan was perfect!"
This made me think that is exactly what Mozog has been doing for her behind the Dark Lords back. "Is he one of her children?"
"Her favorite, the first born of the angel Samael." The Dark Lord shared. "Enough about him. He is a fool to think his plan will work better, flooding the world with useless puppets from the work I've done. You need to take him out."
"Excuse me?!" I blurted. "Did you just tell me to kill him? Why the hell would I do you any favors?"
"Haven't you heard the saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend? Do you want him infecting and killing innocent women every week, just to try and free Lilith?"
"You're trying to do the same thing—with me!" I argued.
"Yes, but I don't want you dead, you serve me no purpose dead. We both need him dead, and I can't do it while he is on Earth, so you have to do it."
I just started to laugh at the whole situation.
"I have to be stoned or something because there is no way the Dark Lord is coming to me right now and asking me to kill off one of Lilith's children—her first born I might add. Nope, this has to be the drugs talking, I need to tell Jay I’m never taking that again. "
Faster than a blink of an eye, I could no longer breathe. I clawed at my throat, trying to grab hold of whatever was constricting my airflow but there was nothing there. Terror flooded my body, making everything all that much worse as I gasped for air, but none would fill my lungs.
"You dare to laugh at me?!" The Dark Lord raged.
"Do not mistake my attempt at reasoning with you to be seen as a weakness.
I need you alive Little Synergy, but that doesn't mean anyone else should remain that way.
You've had one of your lovers stripped from you in the blink of an eye, what would happen if I took the others?
Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way, perhaps I should turn them into puppets? "
Just when I was on the verge of passing out, he released me and I gulped down air, coughing as my throat burned from being constricted. My body shook with terror as I tried to calm myself enough to take even breaths, but my heart was racing too fast to manage.
"Kill Mozog, or I will take them from you one by one until it's done."
With that, he released me and thrust me back into my body, where I felt someone pounding on my chest.
"Is she still not breathing?!" Micah demanded.
Another thump slammed directly over my heart, and I gasped, rolling onto my side curling up into a ball, coughing. My eyes were watering but I was able to blink them clear enough to notice I was in my room in bed.
"What the fuck just happened?" Brayden yelled.
"The Dark Lord doesn't like to be laughed at."