11
Vivian
Brain Trust
Vivian sat in the back of the bi-monthly staff meeting and thumbed out a message on the group text thread.
Emergency.
Since Vivian had already seen the agenda and notes that had been handed to Howard pre-meeting, she felt free to zone out. Which was good because her brain had checked out the moment Rowan Valkyrie had kissed her.
What up, bruh?
Ashley thought she was hilarious.
I just kissed Rowan Valkyrie.
The gif from Loretta was a cartoon character with his eyeballs popping out.
Or he kissed me. I’m not entirely sure.
Christine’s bubble popped next.
Good kissing? Bad kissing? Going to need more to appropriately gauge my meme.
Vivian stared blankly at Ms. Branch. The brunette sixty-something partner was in charge of the criminal division. She had hired a new lawyer away from the District Attorney’s office and was smug about it.
OK, no, seriously. You can’t leave us hanging on that.
Rachel sent a string of serious face emojis to underscore her point.
Best kiss of my life?
Duck, yeah. This is what happens when you fish in the right pool.
Christine had never bothered to adjust her autocorrect’s understanding of swear words.
Also, he somehow got under my skirt, and now he knows about my underwear situation.
That resulted in a string of laughing emojis from all of her friends.
I like how she says “somehow.”
Ashley’s comment bubble warred with Loretta’s.
I can tell you how.
More laughing gifs landed on her thread.
OK, OK, so there was making out is what I’m hearing. Not sure what the emergency is. Do you need permission to go back for more? Because Mama Bear over here says go get ‘em tiger.
Ashley included a Tony the Tiger meme.
The crowd clapped, and Vivian tucked her phone under her leg to join in, and then had to wait until everyone was distracted again before going back to her phone.
We got interrupted, and I got flustered, but before I rushed out, he asked if he was seeing me at the Gala, and I said yes.
Vivian took a quick crowd check to make sure she hadn’t missed any cues.
They had opened the folding wall between rooms of the conference space to accommodate everyone, but it was still crowded.
Vivian wished she’d managed to skip this meeting, but Howard had insisted, and she’d been too dazed from her run-in with Rowan to object.
Her phone ticked as the messages piled up in response.
Great.
Sounds promising.
Clear signal of interest.
Still not seeing the problem.
Vivian heaved an annoyed breath.
Well, wait. I thought the gala wasn’t for another month. Have I blipped this? I thought Ashley was going on about early bird tickets at your birthday.
Loretta’s question underscored Vivian’s problem.
Exactly my point! I don’t know if that was small talk to cover up nearly getting caught or an attempt to ask me out. I mean, I have to go to the gala.
She paused to scan the room again, and Ashley’s response came through before she could continue.
You’d better be going to the gala. Do not fuck with me, Kaye. You have a five-minute time slot right after Father Fred.
Ease down, Ripley. I mean, Ashley.
Loretta’s Aliens GIF showed Ripley blasting aliens and carrying a little girl.
Ashley sometimes forgot that Vivian was the one who had brought her on board to plan the gala for the Victory Mission Foundation. Not that Vivian minded. She loved Ashley’s passion for her work.
Christine sent a string of question marks.
Vivian is giving the ask this year because it’s the ten-year anniversary. She’s my anchor.
Ashley’s clarification got a thumbs-up from Christine.
But I don’t think Rowan realizes that.
Vivian wanted to say more but couldn’t even think of what GIF to put in to encompass her feelings.
Ohhhh. Does he even know WHEN the gala is?
Christine’s question made Vivian pause. She tried to recall Howard’s question from earlier.
Uh… no? I did give him the paperwork, so he’ll figure it out eventually. But he probably didn’t realize it at the time. So, I don’t know if he thinks… I just don’t know what he thinks!
The phone stopped vibrating, but Vivian could see the bouncing dots that indicated that replies were being composed.
You said you talked to his employees – maybe you can get a vibe off them?
Christine was first, but Vivian didn’t like the answer. It seemed uncertain and like asking someone’s friends if the boy she liked, liked her back.
Barf. No.
Abject rejection from Loretta, which got a thumbs-up from Rachel and Ashley.
OK, I know you all are tired of my polyamory advice. But give me a sec to finish this phone call, and then I have thoughts.
Ashley’s text resulted in various groan gifs.
Vivian waited and tried to pay attention to the meeting. Howard’s update on their recent estate case that was before the State Supreme Court had everyone’s attention, but since she’d done all the work she didn’t need the refresher.
OK, so, one of the things I’ve been enjoying about polyamory is that it advocates for sharing expectations, boundaries, and desires up front.
If you want to know what he was thinking, I would recommend going back up there and asking him.
It’s a lot less crushing to know upfront if you’re not on the same page before you’ve invested a ton in this thing.
Vivian took a deep breath. That still sounded massively intimidating.
“And, of course,” said Howard, “I could not do it without my right-hand woman, Vivian Kaye.”
Clueing in on her name, Vivian sat upright in her chair and smiled like she knew what was happening.
“Her brief prep has been astounding.”
There was a round of applause, but Vivian could tell it came from the other paralegals and secretaries. Belinda was blatantly checking her phone.
“So, as a quick reminder, the person who convinces Vivian to go to law school gets a bonus.”
That got a round of laughs. They had all heard Howard make the joke before.
Vivian wouldn’t have minded going to law school, but she knew it would mean taking out student loans, and that much debt scared her.
She could never convince him that law school probably wasn’t in the cards for her.
Not that she needed the lawyers in the front row to laugh quite so loudly about it.
Howard passed the baton to Mr. Kato, and Vivian looked back at her phone.
I hate to admit it, but I’m voting with Ashley. Just ask and move on one way or another.
Loretta liked Rachel’s message.
Vivian had already confronted Rowan in the elevator and called him an asshole in the basement. How much harder could it be to walk into his office and ask if he was interested in dating her?
OK, but you can’t do it until tomorrow.
Christine’s texts started to pop through in quick succession.
You need a minute to calm down and think about what YOUR desires are.
If you go back up now, you’ll end up naked on his desk, which I’m not against, but you won’t get your question answered.
And last but not least, if you go tomorrow, you can show him a different underwear situation.
Vivian took a deep breath, feeling more settled. That was a plan. She had a plan. She hearted all of Christine’s messages and put her phone down to clap again. The only real trouble was going to be sticking to it because going back up there right now seemed very tempting.
It seemed even more tempting when she got home at the end of the day. It had been a grueling commute.
Her phone rang, and she picked up.
“Hey, Christine,” she said.
“Oh, no! You sound depressed. You went back up and talked to him, didn’t you?”
“No, I wish I had. Even if he totally turned me down, at least I might have missed the traffic.”
“And that should tell anyone all they need to know about Seattle traffic,” said Christine.
“Facts,” agreed Vivian.
Vivian looked around her apartment as she divested all her work items. She lived in a ludicrously expensive one-bedroom near Roxhill, and theoretically, that meant she was located a mere fifteen minutes from work.
That had only ever been true during the pandemic when no one had been on the road.
Today, it had taken nearly an hour due to accidents and the interminable construction on the waterfront.
“But you are still going to go talk to him?” asked Christine.
“Well, to be perfectly honest, I would like to do less talking and more kissing,” said Vivian.
There was no way that seven hundred square feet should be so depressingly empty, but her apartment managed it.
Christine chuckled. “OK, great. I was just calling to check-in. You know, in case there needed to be more pep rallying.”
“I’m fully pepped. Or at least I was until I got in the car. Now I’m just tired, depressed, and wondering if my soul got left somewhere on Second Ave.”
Vivian wondered what it would be like to go home with Rowan. He was probably a neat freak, but she bet he had expensive sheets.
“Probably,” said Christine. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“I… I really do, Christine. What if he says the kissing was just an oopsie? Like, sorry you tripped and landed on my face, but let’s not do that again.”
Christine laughed. “I don’t think he is going to say that. I saw him at the donut shop. He was into you.”
“Really? You swear?”
“He was standing too close, and he stopped breathing when you said boobs.”
“He did? Are you sure? Because he didn’t look at them once, and I really shoved them at him.”
“He kept a lock on your face. It was impressive. But I’m pretty sure he really wanted to look at your boobs, so I think you’ve got a good shot tomorrow.”
“Thanks. I guess maybe I did need extra pepping.”
“Hey, everyone needs a cheer squad. Plus, you spend a lot of time pepping up everyone else, and sometimes that makes people think you don’t need it. I just figured… Maybe that means you need it extra.”
“I wish you were here so I could hug you.”
“I’ll collect on that next time,” said Christine, and Vivian heard the smile in her voice.
They talked for a few more minutes. Vivian felt better when she hung up the phone, but staring into her fridge depressed her all over again.
She gave up and ordered DoorDash while she changed into her sweats.
Vivian was on the way out to the living room when her eyes landed on her father’s flag in the case with all his medals.
She knew she wouldn’t have been living with him at her age.
But there would have been holidays, random messages, and the ability to call whenever she wanted.
She was tired of meals for one. She wanted what everyone else had—a family.