Chapter Thirteen
Lumi
Ispend longer in the shower than I usually do.
It’s easier to fall apart when the water is loud enough to hide it.
Not that anyone is around to notice. By the time I step out, the spray has turned ice cold, and I’m shivering.
I wrap my arms around myself and stand there anyway, letting the cold burn.
I got exactly what I needed to happen today, and it made me miserable.
I needed space between me and Luka. Space to regroup, get myself under control, and to come to terms with us just being client and employee.
When I got it, my heart felt like it was breaking piece by piece.
He just kissed me and walked away like it was goodbye.
I hate myself for getting so attached to him the way I did.
I hate myself for wanting it to be something other than what it is.
He said we were friends, but I know once this whole elf thing is over, we won’t see each other again.
We’ll never speak to one another again, unless he calls back next year.
And what kind of friendship is it if I only ever see him once a year?
Not that I can say anything about knowing anything about friendship.
The last friend I had turned out to be a psycho.
She took my father from me, my chance at a better future, and half of my clothes.
Not that I can blame only her. I was just as much to blame for misreading her intentions.
I thought she wanted a friend, someone she could turn to who would always be there for her.
Even when I found out she had been with my father, I was happy for her. Shocked but happy for her and my dad.
Then she told my father I had called her a whore and that I hated the very idea of them being together.
She told him I was intentionally cruel to her and was going around campus telling everyone she had fucked all her professors.
He kicked me out and told me he wasn’t paying for anything for me and that I was dead to him.
That was almost three weeks ago. Just before Thanksgiving, to be exact.
I knew I would probably have to work two full-time jobs to finish my semester, so that was out of the question.
It’s kind of hard to study when you don’t eat or have a roof over your head.
I went from having a family, having a future, having hopes and dreams, to having nothing. All because someone lied.
I finally make my way over to the window and look out.
Last night, the biker wasn’t here, and as pathetic as it is, I kind of missed him.
He’s here tonight, sitting beside the dark SUV, doing whatever it is he does.
Why did I miss him being there last night?
Why does something in me feel so drawn to him?
Is it just my crushing loneliness that has me building up fantasies and searching every stranger’s face to find some connection?
I haven’t been this alone since my mom died when I was twelve. That was one of the worst years of my life, but this one is quickly surpassing it. Now, I have nobody and nothing. At least then I had my father. A tear streaks down my face as I curl myself into my pillow and cry myself to sleep.
The very first thing I do in the morning is call Luka… that is, once I discover my car is not going to cooperate with me anymore. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to tell my supervisor, whom I plan to call next, when he picks up.
“Hi, uh, Luka. I…I can’t come today.”
“What? Why?”
Is that anger I hear in his voice? Is he mad at me for not being able to make it?
“I…my car is…well, my car won’t start this morning, and I can’t really afford to call…,” It’s so embarrassing as hell to admit I can’t afford to pay for a ride to his house, let alone one back home at the end of the day, and my cheeks burn as I tell him.
“I’m sending someone to come pick you up. We’ll work at my office today.”
“Oh, um, alright. Okay. I guess I’ll see you then.”
It takes me a couple of minutes to realize he’s hung up before I could give him my address. When I call him back, he doesn’t answer this time, so I just text him the address and start getting ready. By the time I’ve cinched up the last ribbon, there’s a knock at my door.
I cautiously look through the peephole only to realize it’s Luka standing in the hallway.
Oh shit! I didn’t think he meant he would come get me.
I thought he was sending someone to pick me up, and we would meet at his office building.
This day just keeps getting worse. I look around the room.
It’s small but tidy. A second knock has me opening the door.
The last thing I want is to keep him waiting on me.
“Luka. You didn’t have to come pick me up yourself.”
He offers me a smile, and for the first time, I notice he looks…tired, like he hasn’t been sleeping well.
“Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine, little elf. Are you ready to go?”
“Um, yeah.” I try not to let it hurt how curt he is being.
He didn’t look around my apartment or act curious about it at all.
He didn’t ask to come in or give me time to invite him.
If anything, he is acting like he wants to just get the hell out of here, and who could blame him?
This is not really the kind of place he’s used to, I’m sure.
I hurry out the door and quickly lock up.
It’s a quiet ride to his office, and I wonder if he’s regretting coming to pick me up.
“Have you made that list for me?”
“List?”
“Of people you have to shop for? I can’t really help if I don’t have some idea about how many people we have to…”
He interrupts me before I can finish, “Just my mom and sister. Everyone else gets Christmas bonuses.”
“Oh. Alright.”
Clearly, he’s not in the mood to have this conversation right now, so I let the silence fill the car again and watch the buildings slip past. He might say that we are friends, but it certainly feels like we are anything but that.
Maybe it’s not everyone else. Maybe it’s just me who develops feelings too fast and sends people running. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.