5. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Elijah
I t’s not until the harsh sun pours through the window that my eyes finally flutter open. The sheets are scratchy against my bare chest. I stretch wide, and it’s then that I realize I’m alone in this bed. But I know I didn’t fall asleep that way.
Sitting up with the sheet pooling around my hips, I glance around the small hotel room, hoping maybe Bex is just in the bathroom. But the complete silence and darkness in the rest of the room tells me otherwise.
I sigh heavily, hanging my head. I’m an asshole. I had moved beyond this, or at least I thought I had. Random hookups aren’t my thing anymore. Not since it nearly killed me.
But the chatter in my head, the fears and worries about being back on that campus practically consumed me last night, and the only way to quiet them fully is with a woman.
She didn’t need to slip out, though. I planned to bring her down to breakfast, show her off a little. Maybe even ask her out on a date. It’s not just me trying to be a better guy, but the fact that there was this indescribable connection with her.
I flop back to the mattress and throw my arm over my head. What am I doing?
Is it any wonder she left? We met last night, at my sister’s wedding, no less, and within a half hour, I was inviting her up to my room to “talk.” And while my surface-level intentions were no more than to finish our conversation, I think we both knew where it was going to lead.
A quick glance at the clock, and I throw off the sheet, climbing out of bed with a grumble.
My whole shower, all I can think about is copper hair, jade eyes, and what I’m convinced is the lingering scent of coconut.
As I dress, my mind mulls over a million questions. What did I do wrong? Was the sex bad? Am I simply an asshole who lured a pretty girl up to my room? Was she just looking for a quick hookup and I fell prey?
Sitting on the edge of the bed in my khaki shorts and polo shirt, I run a hand through my hair and take a long, hard look at myself in the mirror.
My parents wouldn’t even recognize me, and not because of how I’ve grown and changed in the past decade plus. It’s because the man they taught me to be, the man they thought they were raising and the one they left behind, is nowhere to be found.
While I want to care that I’m the last member of the crew down to brunch, I just can’t bring myself to. My eyebrows rest high on my forehead, a tight smile forced on my lips, as I squeeze my way behind chairs to the last open seat, right next to Zach.
“Sorry I’m late. Overslept.” It's a lie. I couldn’t get myself to get up and come down here.
My sisters all turn to me with sad eyes and subtle frowns, Mazie reaching over and putting her hand over mine. They’ve been too nice to me since the shooting. Too caring. And far too forgiving of the shortcomings that have overtaken me.
“We waited for you to order.” There’s a sweetness to Mazie’s tone that I don’t deserve.
“You shouldn’t have. Really.” I'm thankful I’m no more than ten minutes late, so hopefully nobody is starving. Though I could certainly eat a wholesome breakfast.
Aside from the babbling and banging of silverware against the table coming from Jordanna, silence has overtaken us as we peruse our menus. While it’s not exactly extensive, there seems to be a weight hanging in the air that causes us to need more time than necessary.
I lift my gaze from the words in front of me to glance over the top of the booklet at everybody else. While nobody seems to be anything but happy, I feel the tension. It’s also highly unusual for nobody in our family to be talking.
The waitress notes our orders and disappears with a smile, taking all the menus with her.
That’s when three pairs of eyes lock on me, and three other pairs seem to be intentionally avoiding glancing in my direction.
I raise an eyebrow at my sisters. But when nobody speaks, I have to. “Okay. Out with it.”
“You disappeared last night.” It’s not accusatory, angry, or frustrated. It’s a statement of fact. I can’t tell if it’s better or worse that there’s no emotion behind it. I mean, it was her wedding after all.
“Yeah, uh, sorry about that. The thoughts just kind of got the best of me and the crowd was too much.” I pull my mug to my lips and take a piping hot sip. The burn on my tongue is better than the sharp pang in my chest as my sisters all look at me with pity.
Not only have they been less likely to call me out on shit since the shooting, but they’re far more forgiving than they should be, more than I deserve. And because I’m ever the asshole, I take advantage of that from time to time. Like right now.
The thoughts were loud and consuming, but I didn’t need to leave. Especially not with Bex.
Fuck. Bex.
I’ve barely gone five minutes without thinking about her since I woke up and realized she was gone. I can still taste her sweetness on my tongue, her coconut scent still lingers in my nose. For some reason, I’m comparing every single shade of green I see to her eyes.
Lowering my mug, I notice Zach staring at me with a narrowed gaze and his head tilted to the side. He’s trying to read me and figure out what’s going on, but I’m not sure if it’s from the best friend angle or the cop angle. I give him a slight shake of my head. “What?”
“I saw you leave last night. With a woman.”
There’s not a single shocked face at the table, which means they’ve all been talking about it, about me.
“Your point?”
“Besides the fact that you seemed to think it was okay to leave my wedding early to go get laid?” There’s rage in Zach’s eyes and aggression in his tone. Mazie rests her fingers on his forearm and shakes her head. But a scathing talking to is exactly what I deserve.
Instead of continuing, he softens. “I’m just worried you’re traveling down a bad path again. That’s all.”
“We’re all worried.” It hurts my heart when Liv worries about me. And I think she knows it, which is why she’s the one who said it. I love all my sisters, have special bonds with all three. But Liv being the baby, there’s an unbreakable connection between us. We're the bookends of our siblings.
As much as I tried to be a father figure for her, the shoes were too big to fill, and she got the raw end of the deal.
“There’s nothing to worry about. I just needed to get away from the noise and invited her to come chat with me.” I look around the table and make eye contact with each person, minus Jordanna, who’s still banging around on the table, blissfully oblivious to the adult conversation we’re having.
“We just—”
“It was a beautiful wedding, Mazie. Have I told you that yet?” My gaze darts over to Liv so she knows to drop the conversation. I’m sure Alina has her two cents to throw in but is trying to avoid the conflict. Not only is she not much for it, but being very pregnant, she just doesn’t have the energy.
“No. But thank you. It was everything I’d dreamed of.” A wide smile spans her face as she wraps her arms around Zach’s bicep and squeezes against him.
Our waitress has impeccable timing, carefully putting plates in front of everybody. It’s a welcome distraction from my change of subject.
As she walks away, I pipe up before anybody else can. “And you’re going where on your honeymoon again? Hawaii? Or did Mexico win out? I just, I can’t remember.” I stab a corner off my French toast and pop it into my mouth.
Though I’ve heard the story a dozen times already, it’s something Mazie will talk about for at least twenty minutes, and it will take the focus away from me. They’re going to Hawaii, starting on the big island, then island hopping to see all there is to see, including Pearl Harbor, which is entirely for Zach.
But my plan works, and Mazie starts excitedly sharing the details of their trip, with the sisters dutifully asking questions and Jameson sharing some input from the trip he took to Hawaii years ago.
It allows me to eat my breakfast in peace while watching my family smile and laugh and converse. Every so often, each sister will lean into their respective partner or give an adoring look. That’s the one piece I’m missing.
Jade eyes filter through my mind once more, and I have to blink them away. Last night was the happiest I’ve felt in a long time, and not just because I got laid.
But one thing I’m starting to think…is that maybe happiness isn’t meant for me.