13. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Elijah
I t’s been a few days since I told Bex to drop my class, and I haven’t been able to stop mulling it over in my mind. I didn’t mean for it to come out, and certainly not as gruffly as it did.
I’d decided to let it go, to move on like she said. But then the way she looked at me…it’s like she saw something off about me. Did she see me in the hallway? Did she witness my moment of weakness?
Our last class of the week was yesterday, and instead of sitting a little closer to the front like she had been, she chose a spot in the far back corner. She was the last one in and the first one out.
It goes against my nature to give her a bad learning experience. But I can’t seem to separate the attraction to her from being her teacher. And the two can’t mix.
A knock on my door has me rising from the couch and shuffling to open it. I run a quick hand through my hair before I swing it open.
“Wow. You look like shit.”
“Nice to see you too, bro .”
Zach follows behind me and heads to the kitchen, depositing the six-pack he brought in the fridge before joining me in the living room. He pops the top off two bottles, handing me one as he drops to the other end of the couch.
“What’s going on?”
“You know it’s still weird that you’re technically my brother? I mean, it hasn’t been that long, but still.” My eyes drop to the ring on his finger. “Mazie okay with you being here?”
“She’s fine with it. Tradition and all that.” Many years ago, me and Zach set the tradition of splitting a six-pack after the first week of classes. It’s been standing ever since. I’m glad that just because he married my sister, he hasn’t forgotten about me. “Now answer the fucking question. What’s up with you?”
My shoulders slump. I was kind of hoping he’d miss my change of direction, but I should know better at this point in our friendship. Instead of trying to dodge it again, I lean forward and start picking at the label on my bottle, unable to make eye contact. Mostly because it involves a confession I was ready to take to the grave.
“Well, um, I’m not sure if you noticed but I, uh, kind of ducked out of your wedding a little early.” I glance up at him quickly to see no sign of shock.
“Um, yeah. I already called you out on that, asshat. You sure you’re okay?”
Fuck. He did. My mind is all sorts of messed up about Bex. “I didn’t intend to; I just needed some air. But there was this stunning woman who joined me on the patio. Something about her was just…so intriguing. We started talking, and one thing led to another, and I invited her up to my room. I didn’t have any ill intentions behind it, I wasn’t just trying to bed her. She really was nice to talk to.” I sigh and hang my head, ashamed of my behavior. I barely knew her, and clearly didn’t pay close enough attention to her youth.
The fact that Zach hasn’t said anything is slightly unsettling, but I know he’s just waiting for me to get to the actual point, because he knows hooking up at his wedding isn’t it.
“We exchanged limited information. First names only, nothing about how we were there or what we were doing at the wedding. We slept together, I asked her to spend the night, and woke up to an empty bed.” I fall back against the couch and run a hand down my face as I stare at the ceiling.
“So, what, your ego is bruised?”
“I wish that’s all it was. My ego can take the hit. No. Uh, I figured I’d never see her again, and while I thought about her nonstop, I knew it was just something to get over. And I was sure I would. Until I walked into my first class of the semester.” My eyes meet his and his brow bunches.
“She’s one of my students.”
He practically spits his beer across the room as he chokes on a sip. “A student? How old is she?”
“Nineteen.” I cringe as I say it.
“At least it’s legal.” The words are mumbled, and I wonder if he’s thinking that if it weren’t he’d have to arrest me. He may be off duty but he’s always in cop mode. “So, what do you do now? Obviously, you can’t keep sleeping with her. Or are you?”
“No. Fuck, no. That first day I thought I shut it down. I told her I had no idea and that she had to keep her mouth shut. Though, it may have been after I kissed her.” I grimace at the thought of what an epic idiot I’ve been.
“You did what? Eli, you—”
“I know, I know. It was stupid. But it was like I lost control for a second.”
“Well, you better find it.”
“Trust me, I have. Or at least I’m trying to. Wednesday, she hung back a little, said she got distracted, but I’m fairly certain she didn’t take a single note. I told her it’d be best if she dropped my class. Which you know I hate suggesting to anyone . And I was a bit of an asshole about it.”
“So, are you grumbling because you were an asshole? Or because you lost a new plaything?” He tilts his head to the side and takes another sip of his beer. I haven’t even touched mine.
“I’m grumpy because Friday, she was last in, first out, and sat way in the back. I feel like I’ve stolen the joy about my class from her. And that’s not fair." Finally, I press the bottle to my lips and tip it backward, swallowing down half.
“Being an asshole has never bothered you before. Why now?”
“Because it’s always been warranted. I’ve kicked kids from my class for being douchebags, I’ve suggested they drop before the end of the add/drop period because I can already see that they’re struggling and are not going to be successful. Bex? She did nothing wrong but accidentally getting tangled up with me.”
“You’ve never been attracted to a student before?” His voice is skeptical, and I feel like I should be offended.
“Physically? Sure. It's something you notice, and the thought is fleeting. But I’d never act on it. This time, I already acted. And not only is she gorgeous and seems way older than nineteen, but I can’t get her out of my head.”
“And let me guess. That’s…different for you.”
“Very.”
“You’ve never been hung up on a girl before? What about, uh…” He snaps his fingers as he looks at the ceiling. “Oh! Jessica…something or other.”
Jessica Giller, the closest thing to love I think I’ve ever felt. “This is different. I can’t explain it. And regardless of what it is or isn’t, it can’t be.”
“What are you going to do?”
I drain my beer, walk to the fridge to grab another, and pop the top off, leaning against the counter in my kitchen with one hand firmly in my sweatpants pocket.
Realizing I’m not coming back to the living room, Zach comes into the kitchen, but he doesn’t say anything, his question still lingering in the air like stale smoke.
With a heavy sigh, I straighten and chug the whole beer, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand.
“What I always do. Put my own wants and needs aside to focus on what the priority is. And that, my friend-turned-brother, is ensuring that I don’t destroy this girl’s future. Or my career by default.”
It’s what I’ve done for years. What’s one more time going to hurt?