18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Rebecca
A s I lie wrapped in Eli’s arms, my cheek pressed to his chest, I feel lighter. There was a heavy weight pulling me down about what had transpired between us and what would never happen. What could never happen. And in all honesty, what definitely should not be happening.
There’s a lot at risk for both of us if we get caught. While I don’t know the rules exactly, I’m very sure Eli’s risking his job. For me . It just all feels very surreal.
He takes my hand in his and props our elbows on his stomach, lacing his fingers through mine and running them up and down. A low hum vibrates through him.
“Can… Can I ask you a question?” Hesitance makes me stammer a bit, and I’m hoping he won’t shut down as I take this chance. Today’s events were quite the thing, and I don’t know that we’re on a level of familiarity where he’s comfortable telling me the reasoning behind it.
“Sure.” There’s a timidness to his tone, and I’m sure he’s wondering what he’s getting himself into.
“What happened today?”
He tenses beneath me, and my head rises with a very deep inhale that he holds for a minute before releasing it. His hand stills, his fingers closing around mine and gripping tightly.
“Did you hear about the hostage situation that happened over the summer last year?” Curiosity laces his words, a real inquiry as opposed to assuming I know what he’s referring to.
Sadly, I do know. I heard all about it. My parents wanted me to find a new school, claiming that Pineville University isn’t as safe as we’d all assumed. But it was a very localized incident, regarding two specific professors.
Not many details were shared, except that it was an issue between the two and that others were not in danger. The female, who was the one with the gun, was taken down by a sniper after firing her weapon.
There were no other casualties.
Apparently, an officer was also wounded in the action, along with the professor being held hostage, who seemed to have suffered the least. At least physically. I’m sure mentally he’s still struggling. To go through something such as that? It must be traumatizing. Enough to make anyone flinch at a loud noise.
The thoughts run repeatedly in my mind and slam into me like a freight train. I spring up to a sitting position and look over at Eli, finding a faded line across his bicep. My breath catches, and I try to recall small details. To see if the names come back to me at all.
One of the professors was in the math department, but I can’t remember which one. The other was philosophy.
“Bex.”
I grip his forearm as I go over more details in my head.
The cop who was shot knew the hostage somehow. They were…brothers? Friends?
As much as my mind doesn’t want to wrap around it, there’s only one thing that seems to be true.
Behind a curtain of tears, I turn to him. “It was you.” The words come out on a choked whisper.
He nods, skin paling.
My heart plummets, and my face falls to my hands. Covering my eyes, I shake my head back and forth. A chill runs down my spine following the heat of his fingertips and warm lips press against my bare shoulder.
It’s such a raw response that it makes my breathing shallow. Not only is it scary to think about for anyone , but especially this man I’ve come to care about. This man who I’ve been with in what I consider the most intimate way possible.
He kisses along my shoulder and up my neck, landing at my ear. “Breathe, Bex.”
Cool air caresses my skin. But it does nothing to calm my racing pulse or return the ability to breathe to my lungs. The loud whooshing in my ears takes over and, for a minute, I’m afraid I’m going to pass out.
Large hands wrap around my hips, and I’m shifted into Eli’s lap. His fingers close around my wrists and pull them down as his face dips so our eyes can meet.
I can barely see the brown of his irises through my haze of tears.
“Bex.” My name comes out a pained breath and I lift my gaze to his.
The corners of his mouth are turned down and there’s a crease in his forehead.
“I’m sorry. I have no right to react this way. It just… I never put the pieces together. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I remembered the hostage was you… Elijah Baker, but it wasn’t splashed everywhere like her name was.” I shudder at the thought of her. At the thought of what happened, and what could have been.
A deep breath causes Eli’s chest to brush mine, and for a moment I’m reminded that we’re naked and aside from the sheet pooled at my hips, I’m completely exposed to him.
He tucks some curls behind my ears and his hands close around my face. “I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t terrifying, if I said it didn’t change me in a fundamental way. But one thing I’ve learned in therapy is that there’s no sense dwelling on it. I can’t change it. There’s no rewind button to return to the past and set things right.”
I nod in his hold, wrapping my fingers around his wrists to keep his hands on me. “It just hit me all at once. I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to rehash it. But…” I shake my head to dispel the thought. It doesn’t matter.
“But what?”
“Your sisters. They never mentioned anything about it.” I’m not sure how he handles his family being spoken about. It’s not so much that I’m saying something negative but, at the same time, I’m not singing their praises.
A smile ghosts across his face for the briefest second as he lets out a huff. “Yeah, talking about emotional and dramatic things aren’t really part of the Baker way. It’s like that page is missing from our handbook or something.”
While it’s supposed to be a joke, neither of us laughs.
He lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s fresh and new information to you, or at the very least, my association with it, but for us, it’s kind of old news. Something we’ve tried to move on from.”
“Have you?”
His eyes widen as his hands slip to my thighs and his cheeks puff out with air. After what feels like an eternity, he releases the breath. “Honestly? No. As you saw today with the alarm. But I am able to live again. Right after it was…messy. I felt lost, without direction and purpose. A lot of that isn’t a new feeling for me, but somewhere between leaving MIT and the situation, I had started to think I had something at least resembling a path.”
My eyebrows bunch together. “Wait. You dropped out of MIT? Why?”
A sad smile spans his face. “That’s another story for another time.”
I want to know more. I want to press the issue, ask questions. I want to know Eli . But there’s a haunted look in his eyes that causes me to drop the issue.
Silence shrouds us and his eyes narrow. Like he’s trying to remember something that’s just out of his reach.
A sense of awkwardness rises within me, and I chew the inside of my cheek. I should probably get off his lap, get dressed.
But with a quick headshake, the somber Eli is gone, and a devious smile pulls up his lips.
His palms glide up my thighs and settle on my ribs. “Well, now that we’ve sufficiently brought the mood down, are you hungry?”
There are so many thoughts, so many concerns and questions swirling through me. But however little I might know this man, I know that the conversation is over and that door has been shut. At least for tonight.
The only thing I have to be thankful for is that he’s not asking me to leave.
I force a tight smile. “Yeah. Food sounds great.” With a slight shift, I move myself from his lap and pull the sheet up to cover my chest. The moment feels awkward to be so exposed.
“Anything you’re in the mood for?”
My curls fall around my face as I shake my head. “I’m not picky.”
His eyes narrow as he searches my face. “I have three younger sisters, so I’m not sure whether to believe you or not. Because all three of them will say they’re not picky, but it’s only true about one of them.”
I roll my eyes and giggle. “Lucky for you, I do in fact mean it. No food allergies, and there are very few things I’ve tried and not liked. And I’m always willing to give something new a shot.”
“Adventurous…I like that.”
My heart flutters and I look down at the comforter as I tuck some strands of copper behind my ear.
He leans to the side and presses his lips against my temple before throwing off the blankets and hopping out of bed.
Drool pools in my mouth as he bends over to pull his phone from his pants pocket. Disappointment spreads through my chest as he puts his boxer briefs back on and walks into the other room with his phone to his ear.
With a heavy sigh, I slip out of bed. But instead of putting my own clothes on, I have an idea. Biting my lip, I look out toward the living room where I can hear Eli’s voice, even if I can’t quite make out what he’s saying.
Gently walking through the piles of our clothing, I pick up his dress shirt and slip it around my shoulders. My arms barely even fill the sleeves and I have to roll them several times to even see my hands.
I’m just finishing up doing the third button from the top when he walks back through the door.
“I hope you are okay with Chinese…food.” The words slow as he freezes and stares at me, standing in the middle of the room wearing nothing but his dress shirt.
It falls to midthigh and is incredibly big on me, but it’s soft and comfortable and smells like Eli. I’d love nothing more than to wear it forever.
One shoulder lifts as I raise onto my toes. “I hope you don’t mind.”
With a growing grin, he says, “Not at all.” He wiggles his phone. “Chinese will be here in about twenty. I hope you don’t mind that I ordered for you.”
“Like I said, not picky.”
“Mhm.” His gaze trails up and down my frame on repeat. But before he can continue to drink me in, he shakes his head. “You have any plans this weekend?”
“No. Just work on Sunday.”
“At my sisters’ café?”
“Yes.”
He nods for a moment. “I can get you out of that, you know.”
“No. I need to go. I want to. Besides, it wouldn’t set a very good example for me to have you call in for me.” Nor am I sure that either of us is ready for anybody to know. And more so, what is there to know? At this point, all he’s said is he’s going to stop fighting it, but that doesn’t mean anything more than that he’s going to act on his baser desires.
As he takes a deep breath, his muscles ripple in a way that sends a throb straight to my clit. “Understood.” His gaze rakes up and down my frame again. “I hate to say this, but I’m going to need you to put some pants on. At least until we’re done eating. It’s way too distracting for your legs to be out in the open like that. And I’m starving.”
Bending over, he picks up my jeans and panties from the floor, walking to me in three big steps. He leans down and brushes his lips against mine. “Only until we’re done eating, though. Then, it’s time for some dessert.”
A shiver runs down my spine. Something tells me this is going to be a supremely exhausting weekend.