Chapter 27 #2
“That’s…” She shakes her head as if working to make sense of the information. “That’s not what it looked like. You were kissing her.”
“Kissing her?” I shrug. “I kiss her cheek and head, yeah. She’s like a sister.
Jo, I swear to god, I would never cheat on you.
And she and Alex have been together since they were fifteen.
When I moved in with his family, she was always around.
He’s my best friend, but she kinda is too.
They were a package deal. If you saw a picture of me with a blond woman, it was her. ”
“But…” Jo’s eyes fill with tears again. “No one else was there.”
“If no one else was in the picture, I’m sure it was cropped to make it seem that way.
And I don’t doubt your sister wouldn’t have come across the real pictures with Sheffy and their families there and edited them to make them seem like they weren’t.
” If I weren’t so stressed about fixing this with Jo, I’d be furious with Lizzie. Always stirring up shit.
I wipe Jo’s face, using my sleeve to dab under her nose. “Look at me. Look, Jo. Tell me, do you really believe I would come here after being out with another woman?”
Her lifeless shrug kills me. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“You serious?”
Her nod is what makes me finally release my hold on her, my chest heavy like an anvil has landed on it, my lungs struggling to take in oxygen through the holes poked in my airways. I manage one strangled question. “After everything?”
She hiccups a breath and then breaks down, tears streaming, voice cracking when she shouts, “I don’t know, Nico!” And then quieter, “I don’t know.”
I spin in a circle, swiping my hand over my mouth, unsure what to say or do.
Seventy-two hours ago, I kissed her goodbye while she was still naked in my bed, thinking of how much I loved her, and here she is basically telling me she thinks I’d cheat on her.
That she doesn’t believe me when I say I didn’t. I never would.
How did we get here?
“How did we get here, Jo?”
She shakes her head, yanking at her hair, her pain palpable. “All I know is that I’m here for my great-grandmother’s funeral, and I should be sad over that and I am, but you know what I’m really distraught over? What I haven’t been able to stop thinking about? You!”
After a few deep breaths, she slaps her hand to her chest. “And I feel so stupid. It makes me feel so stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s understandable.” Well, I don’t necessarily understand how her train of thought brought her to this point, but it’s not difficult to understand why she feels this way. “You’re grieving and back home… I know it’s hard for you, but it’s okay. I’m here. I—”
“Stop! Just stop.” She holds up her palms, keeping me from hugging her. “Stop acting like you’re the hero come to save me. You’re not.”
“All right. Okay.” I back off, hands out so she knows I won’t try to touch her again, but her emotions rise even more.
“See!” Her voice quavers. “You always know exactly what to do and say. Always so agreeable. Always so…so fucking perfect! It feels like an act because no one can be that perfect all the time.”
“You know I’m not perfect. You know…everything.
” It hurts to have her knowledge of my past thrown in my face as if my revealing every part of myself to her wasn’t real.
As if I didn’t cut myself open to show her every ugly secret hidden inside me.
“It’s not an act. It’s never been an act, and you saying that cheapens all of it. ”
She huffs a laugh. “It’s always been cheap. That’s what I’m trying to say. This whole thing is a lie.”
“No. I refuse to listen to this bullshit. I know you’re upset. It’s understandable under the circumstances, but it’s not okay to take it out on me and our relationship.”
She clenches her fists and growls up at the sky. “Can’t you just let me be mad! Can’t you stop being perfect for one minute because it makes it all harder. I already feel stupid for acting like this, but if you’re so sympathetic, it makes me feel worse.”
I wait for her to catch her breath and meet my gaze to say, “I’m far from perfect, and I’m barely hanging on to my sanity at this very moment because everything you’re saying makes me want to scream.
Break things. But that won’t help the situation.
We have to talk about this, and I can slap some pucks around tomorrow. ”
“Maybe hit another unsuspecting woman. Make her another fake fiancée.”
“That’s not funny.” I reach for her, and when she doesn’t stop me, I tuck her hair behind her ear. “You know this hasn’t been fake for a long time. Nothing about what we have is fake.”
“Except all of it.” She waves her left hand between us.
“This ring, the stories we’ve told everyone.
It’s all fake, and I’m not sure I can do it anymore.
Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to be found out because, for once, the truth is easier than the lie. We don’t belong together.”
“Yes, we do. You are my fiancée.”
“Your fake fiancée.”
A noise sounds from behind me, and Jo’s eyes widen over my shoulder. I turn around to see Tonya standing outside the back door, hand clasped over her mouth, eyes wide with shock. She heard.
Everything.
Fuck.