Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
“Okay, how about this one?” Alba held up a little black dress and turned to the full-length mirror in her wardrobe door.
She angled her body, imagining how it would fall against her hips, and how it would look beneath the soft lighting of a spa restaurant instead of the harsh glow of her bedroom light.
Lois lay sprawled across Alba’s bed, one arm dangling off the side while she observed the parade of outfits Alba had been holding up for the last twenty minutes. She hummed occasionally, noises that sounded suspiciously like she wasn’t paying attention at all.
“Lois?”
“I’m thinking! Jesus. Give me a minute.”
“Okay, but bear in mind that it’s me wearing it, not you.” Alba lifted a brow and turned to her best friend, the dress still hanging from its hanger in her hand. “So, don’t do what you usually do and make a decision based on whether you’d look good in it or not.”
Lois rolled her eyes and pushed herself upright against the headboard. “I think it’ll look amazing on you. I just worry that it screams ‘Ellie, I want you to remove this with your teeth’, you know?”
Alba exhaled slowly and dropped down to the edge of the bed beside the scattered clothing. While she appreciated Lois’ honesty, even when it came wrapped in sarcasm, this wasn’t helping her spiralling thoughts.
Her mind had barely slowed down since Ellie had suggested they go together, and she’d just about survived dinner with Ellie last night.
The closeness and the easy conversation…
the way Ellie just fit into Alba’s space so perfectly.
Alba had spent half the evening pretending her pulse wasn’t racing, but it had been.
Far more than on any previous occasion when they’d been alone together.
“Do you think this is a terrible idea?”
Lois tilted her head. “The dress?”
“No. Going to the spa with Ellie.” Alba carefully laid the dress beside her and focused on Lois, her expression suddenly serious. If this weekend was really happening, she needed honesty. Real honesty. “No more playing around or making silly comments. I just want the truth from you.”
Lois studied her for a moment. “For Ellie, I’m sure she’s going to enjoy herself. For you…I don’t know, Al. I really don’t.”
Alba stared down at her hands, picking absently at the edge of her fingernail. “I did offer to take another room. I wasn’t expecting her to invite me at all, so when she did, I sort of went into panic mode and even brought up the school.”
“The school?”
“I didn’t know whether it was a bit much, you know? Being her colleague and all.”
Lois straightened and cleared her throat. “I’m going to ask you something, and I want the truth from you.”
“O…kay.”
“Are you into her?”
Alba considered dodging that question and laughing it off, changing the subject to something entirely unrelated, but if she was going to make a sensible decision about the weekend, she couldn’t lie. “Yes. I am.”
Lois leaned back again with a sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know why you do this to yourself.”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot who isn’t capable of being happy on her own.” Alba groaned. This was going to be a huge mistake, and she knew it. Still, she couldn’t let Ellie down now. “I know that’s exactly what I am.”
“Now, that’s not where I was going with this. If you think you’re ready to put yourself out there again, you know I have your back…but with a straight woman? Come on, Al. You know better than that.”
Alba rubbed her palms down her thighs. “I know, but it just kind of happened. There are so many things I like about Ellie Hamilton, so many, but I’m just hurting myself by even being her friend at this point.
And I know it’ll all blow over if I just ride this out, but I fear this time is different.
I fear that the more time I spend with her, the more I’ll want her. ”
“And here you are, going on a spa break with her.”
“One I’d initially offered to her.” Alba lifted her head, frustration creeping into her voice.
“What we have to remember is that none of this is Ellie’s fault.
It’s mine and mine alone. She has no idea what I’ve got going on in my head, so why wouldn’t she offer to come with me rather than take the room alone?
” Alba swallowed and shook her head. “She’s been through a lot, Lois.
Far more than either of us could ever begin to imagine.
I can’t just turn my back on her when she’s been so open, honest, and, quite frankly, a brilliant friend to me so far. ”
“We’ve all been through stuff.”
“No, this couldn’t compare.” The memory of Ellie laying her heart bare surfaced, and Alba had to hold back tears all over again. “She lost her daughter. She collapsed at school and never regained consciousness.”
Lois’ expression shifted immediately as shock filled her eyes.
“Eloise was thirteen. She was a student at Park Haven. What they thought was the simple need for a couple of painkillers turned into the worst time of Ellie’s life.
She held her on the floor waiting for the paramedics.
It hasn’t even been two years since she lost her.
” When Alba reminded herself of what Ellie had been through, it just made all of this feel ten times worse.
The moment Ellie discovered that Alba was into her, she knew exactly where this would go.
Ellie would feel as though she’d been deceived into a friendship.
“She’s made several comments about how she prefers to be with me outside of work than anyone else.
I guess it’s because I wasn’t around at the time when it happened.
I’m not connected to any of it, you know? ”
“Fuck, Alba. That’s heartbreaking.” Lois lowered her gaze to the bedspread between them. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“That was the reaction I had, too.” Alba brushed the heel of her hand against her cheek when she felt a tear slip down it. “All I could do was sit and listen and hopefully find the right words when she needed them from me.” Her voice wavered. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Lois reached forward and took Alba’s hand. “I think you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here. You have a heart of gold, and I know you’re there for anyone who needs a shoulder, but you do have to consider your own feelings in all of this.”
Did she? Alba wasn’t sure they mattered.
Whenever she imagined pulling away from Ellie, she saw those blue eyes and that soft smile that had slowly started to make an appearance more often than not.
Part of Alba knew that was because of their friendship.
Ellie had been vocal enough about them being friends for her to understand that.
“Or I could just take this for what it is. A friendship.”
“You could,” Lois said gently. “But it’s quite clear you’re very fond of Ellie. And I get it, you’ve spoken really highly of her, so she must be great, but she’s not your responsibility.”
Alba frowned. “You think that’s why I’ve stuck around for her over the last month or so? That’s really not what this is.”
“Then what is it if you don’t feel some sort of responsibility towards her?” Lois raised a brow. “Truthfully, what is it?”
Alba opened her mouth but quickly closed it again. Because the truth was…she didn’t know anymore. “I just enjoy spending time with her.”
Lois huffed. “Right.”
“It’s okay for you to say things like this. You don’t spend your life sitting at home because you’re too tired to meet up with friends after work. Once I leave for the day, I can barely function. So, it’s nice to see Ellie because I know she also can’t be bothered to do much after work either.”
“When was the last time you saw her outside of work?”
“Last night. She came over, and we had dinner together.” Lois let go of Alba’s hand and stood up. She didn’t say anything, she just started rummaging through Alba’s wardrobe, the hangers clattering together. “What are you doing?”
“Well, since you won’t listen to me, or even see what’s happening here yourself, then I can only do what I’m here to do, and that’s to help you decide on a few outfits.”
Alba nodded slowly. “Maybe I’ll just take jeans and a blouse instead of a dress. It’s only dinner in the evening.”
“Would you usually wear jeans and a blouse for dinner at a spa?”
“Well, no.” Alba smiled weakly. “No, I wouldn’t.”
“Then why change that now? If you want to wear a dress, then wear a dress.”
As Alba rose from the bed and picked up the black dress again, her phone lit up beside it.
HELP! Meltdown has commenced. I don’t know what to take with me and I have my entire wardrobe strewn all over my bedroom!
Alba couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face.
Sounds like the situation I’m in!
“She’s texted you, hasn’t she?”
Alba looked up, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Yeah. She doesn’t know what to take either.”
I have wine. Come over and help me out…then I’ll return the favour and help you out, too.
Alba exhaled slowly as she held her phone against her chest. “She…wants me to go over.”
“Well, then.” Lois folded her arms. “You wouldn’t want to keep your crush waiting.”
Lois could believe whatever she wanted to believe. Alba was going over there regardless.
Give me an hour and I’ll be there.
She dropped her phone onto the bed and squared her shoulders.
“Right. Let’s do this. Whatever doesn’t fit in here is not coming with me.
” She grabbed her medium-sized holdall and started clearing the mountain of clothes scattered across her room.
Because whether this was a mistake or not… her weekend with Ellie was happening.
What the hell are you doing?
Alba sat in the middle of Ellie’s bed, her spine straight and her hands clasped loosely together in her lap as she watched Ellie go through the various options she’d claimed she’d narrowed down but hadn’t.
An unusual silence had settled in the room some ten minutes ago, stretching on longer than it should have.