Episode 54
Just Be Mine
Cerian breathes out slowly before looking up at Arisanna. The cabin rises from the snow behind her as steam from the hot springs curls around the overhanging eaves of the chalet, as she called it.
“I love you,” she says softly as she steps toward him. “You are and always will be safe with me.”
She shivers in the cold air, and he castigates himself. She’s hardly dressed for snow with that scandalous dress of hers.
“Come here.” He holds out his arms, and as she snuggles against his chest, he lets heat flow through him, encircling her in a pillow of warm air.
“Mmm. Thank you,” she murmurs.
He rests his cheek against her hair but says nothing.
Why is this so hard? He planned it all in his head, though he imagined their lake rather than hot springs and snow. But the words were there on his tongue, waiting for him to say them.
And when the time came, he ran back to the train instead.
It doesn’t help that thoughts of Elowyn keep intruding on his mind. It’s hard to focus on this moment when he’s still shaken from what happened and worried that his vision was an omen that something is wrong.
But he can’t do anything about Elowyn from the heartlanding.
“I love you,” Arisanna whispers against his chest again.
The words threaten to stick in his throat, but he pushes them out anyway. “I love you, too.”
She snuggles even closer, and he sends her more heat.
He should just say it. Ask her to go in the hot springs with him. That would keep her warm.
Whistling wind. Suddenly, the idea seems presumptuous. She kissed him. Ran her fingers over his ears. Curled up with him to sleep.
But...
“Yes.” Her voice is muffled against his leathers, and he frowns. Is she talking about the springs? He didn’t even ask her yet.
“Yes?”
“Always yes.”
Does she even know what she’s agreeing to?
“Arisanna, I—”
“Yes.”
A smile sneaks up on him, and he buries his face in her hair. It smells like that honey-laced soap here in the heartlanding, too.
“Now you don’t need to be afraid to ask,” she says. “You already know the answer.”
Whistling wind. He could kiss her right now.
He can do this.
“My father told me to take you in the water.” The words come out in a rush, not at all the way he had planned, but at least they’re out. Well, some of them.
She leans back to look at him. “And that will help your magic?”
“Yes. At least...I think so. Would you...” He breathes out through pursed lips before pushing forward. “Do you want to help me find out?”
His heart pounds as she looks up at him.
With that gentle touch of hers, she trails her finger along his jaw.
“I already gave you my answer.” Then she clasps his chin and tugs him into a gentle kiss.
It’s not a blaze like their kiss yesterday.
It’s embers smoldering in the air between them, waiting to be brought to life.
“Come on,” she whispers against his lips.
Twining her fingers with his, she leads him toward the springs.
A series of three pools sit in a natural rock formation, but a platform has been erected around them.
Snow covers the wooden structure aside from where the white powder has melted away in rings around the water.
“Don’t slip,” she says as she climbs the handful of snowy stairs to the top. “I wish for a brilliant starry sky.”
When the sky darkens, Cerian looks around in awe at the purples and blacks dotted with bright points of light. Away from the lamps of the city, it’s spectacular, and his feet stop on the top step. “This is...”
“Perfect,” she says, and his gaze is drawn back to her where just enough light reflects off the snow to illuminate her against a backdrop of white.
He needs to stop holding back and just say all the things he longs to tell her.
“It’s...it’s perfect with you. Because I’m with you.” He groans. “That was better in my mind.”
Shaking her head, she smiles at him. “It’s better when you say it. Even if it doesn’t come out perfectly. I can’t hear it if you don’t say it.”
Breathing out slowly, he nods. “I’m...trying.”
“I know. And I love you for it.” She presses a soft kiss to his cheek, and he almost wraps his arms around her right there. When she turns back to the biggest spring, a frown crosses her face, and she runs a hand over her dress. “Leather isn’t exactly suited to the water.”
Whistling wind. His palms are already tingling again.
“What do you usually wear?” he somehow manages.
When she glances at him, her cheeks are pink even in the dim light. “I haven’t been here since before Rominy started his studies at the University. I usually wore my underclothes as a child. But...” A nervous laugh escapes her throat.
So many thoughts and images slide through his head, and he shoves them all aside. “But?”
“I don’t...I don’t think I’m wearing much under this dress.”
The tingling in his palms intensifies, and he struggles to breathe.
“Do you mind turning around for a minute?” she asks.
Without responding, he turns away and lights more flames in his hands as he does his best not to think about whatever she’s doing behind him. She mumbles something under her breath, and he almost glances back at her before thinking better of it.
“I suppose that will work,” she says. “You can...you can turn around.”
Both of their hearts are pounding as he extinguishes his flames and turns back toward her. When his eyes land on her, he almost tumbles off the platform.
Whistling wind. She’s wearing elven small clothes. Not that he knows much about the underclothes elf women wear, but Elowyn swam in such things when they were elflings. The cropped white linen top bares Arisanna’s midriff, and the short pants leave most of her legs exposed.
She must be freezing.
“The longer you stare at me, the more awkward I feel,” she says. “This is what the heartlanding gave me when I asked. Are these elven clothes?”
“Yes.” His voice comes out hoarse, and he clears his throat and glances down at his hands.
“Cerian, I-I wasn’t asking you to look away.”
His eyes snap back to her flaming cheeks.
“I’ve just never done this before,” she whispers. “Whatever this is. But you don’t have to look away.”
He doesn’t want to look away. She’s...breathtaking. His fire magic agrees, if his tingling hands are any indication.
“You know, I think it’s only fair for you to reciprocate,” she says. “I shouldn’t be the only one standing here in whatever I’m wearing.” There’s a teasing glint in her eyes, and his ears flood with warmth to match the heat filling the rest of him.
She’s right. This was his idea, after all. And he’s certainly not planning to go in the water fully clothed.
Her teeth chatter as she wraps her arms around herself. Whistling wind. He needs to get her warm before she becomes ill standing in the snow wearing...that. But first, he needs to take off his own leathers.
Tentatively, he reaches for the hem of his shirt. It’s not as if she hasn’t seen him without it. With one smooth motion, he pulls it over his head and slides his arms free. When he glances at her, she’s trying not to smile.
And failing miserably.
Then another shiver sweeps over her. “I’m sorry. I need to get in the water before I freeze.”
He nods in relief. This will be easier without her standing there watching him.
She hurries to the biggest spring and lowers herself to the edge, and while she’s doing that, he quickly strips to his own small clothes before joining her where her legs hang in the warm water.
“Cerian,” she says softly as his legs dip into the spring beside her.
It’s perfectly warm and relaxing, and it takes the edge off his fire magic.
Arisanna finds his eyes, and he doesn’t look away.
A vulnerability laces her expression, and he just wants to pull her close and protect her from everything. Forever.
The thought makes him want to run.
But when he sees her sitting there beside him like that, goosebumps pebbling her flesh, which he’s never seen so much of at once, he can’t imagine running.
Then the memory of Elowyn’s pained voice rings in his ears again, and he struggles to stay in the moment and not feel guilty for thinking of Arisanna while Elowyn might be in trouble.
“You’re fighting demons,” Arisanna whispers as she traces the line between his brows. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“I...” He forces the words out. “I just want to be here with you. But...” Breathing in deeply, he searches for the words he needs, and she doesn’t hurry him.
“It’s...terrifying.” It’s hard to admit, but as soon as he says it, he feels a little lighter.
“And my head is filled with worries about Elowyn.”
Arisanna’s expression softens as she gazes into his eyes.
“Rominy would never let anything happen to her. He doesn’t even think sometimes.
It’s who he is—his instinct to protect the people he loves is so strong.
He’d guard her with his life, I guarantee it.
” Arisanna brushes the hair back from Cerian’s face, and he leans into her touch as she adds, “As for the rest...”
Tensing, he waits for her to keep going as dread tries to find a home in his gut.
“I’m terrified, too,” she says unexpectedly.
“You’re terrified? Of me?”
She shakes her head. “No. Well, maybe at first. But not anymore.”
Relief fills him, though he wouldn’t blame her for being afraid.
“What frightens you?” he asks.
She glances away, and a nervous little laugh that’s part sigh slips past her lips. “This is all happening so fast. I wouldn’t undo any of it, but I feel so...out of control.” She looks hesitantly up at him. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you with my struggles. You have enough to—”
He presses his thumb to her lips to quiet her, and he makes himself say the words forming on his tongue. “I...I want to be the one you share your fears with, Arisanna. Let me be strong for you the way you’re strong for me.”
Her breathing grows shallow and heavy, but she doesn’t cry. Does she ever let herself relax? To just exist without trying to measure up to some impossible standard? How heavy this burden she’s carried all her life must have been.
He’s carried the same burden, though hers seems to have weighed differently on her than his did on him. Knowing that so much rested on their future, that this is who they must become—the hope for peace between their kingdoms. It’s been a heavy load to carry.
For both of them.
But she’s not carrying it alone anymore. She’ll never be alone anymore. And she doesn’t have to fear not measuring up. Not with him.
“Forget everything you’ve been told to be your whole life,” he murmurs near her ear. “And just be mine.”
Her breath catches, and she crushes his neck in her arms, clinging to him as he holds her close. Gently, he sends her his warmth to chase away her pebbled flesh.
She just hugs him tighter.
“It would be warmer in the water,” he says against her hair.
“Will you promise not to let go?”
Her words transport him back to the moment she first asked him to hold her hand on their train, and he presses a kiss to her hair. “I won’t let go. I’ll never let you go.”