Episode 190 Even When It’s Hard
Even When It’s Hard
Tharios studies Valethan across the dim guest house. If Cerian were inside, he could toss out orb lights to illuminate the room.
Perhaps Valethan likes the dark.
“This may be a long conversation, my prince,” Valethan says. “I would sit with you if you desire it.”
Sit with the man who attacked Viala while knowing she carries an elfling? The thought turns Tharios’s stomach, but Tharios judged Valethan unfairly once already.
He won’t do so again. Valethan deserves the chance to speak. To explain himself. It may change nothing. Or it may change everything.
There’s only one way to find out.
Tharios gestures to the table. “Be my guest.”
With a nod, Valethan gingerly lowers himself to a chair. He must still be in pain from his wound, though he hides it well. Tharios can’t bring himself to offer pain relief.
If the man asks, Tharios won’t refuse.
Until then, let Valethan manage his own pain.
As Tharios takes the seat opposite Valethan, Rafelis and Deridyn flank Tharios and remain standing.
“I have to ask,” Tharios says. “What is your relationship to Fenoral Teratheros?”
Valethan sighs. “Fenoral’s mother is my father’s aunt. I had hoped never to see him again.”
“So you did encounter him?”
“I did, quite by chance. Before I continue, will you promise my daughter is safe?”
Tharios glances at Rafelis.
“She is well guarded,” Rafelis says. “We stationed warriors out of sight of your cabin so their presence won’t frighten her.”
Relief fills Valethan’s eyes, and he nods. “I had just put Liaran—my daughter—to bed when I heard something outside. I reached out with my life magic, but it was an animal. That’s when I sensed him. Destruction magic so strong it could only be a Teratheros.”
“Did you seek him out?” Tharios asks.
“No. I came to Darlei to escape the high borns who would call me kin and then watch as my—” he stops abruptly as if he’s said more than he meant to.
“You promised to answer my questions,” Tharios says. “Is this about Risial?”
Valethan meets Tharios’s gaze. His eyes are guarded, but the anger and pain mingled there seep past whatever walls he tries to hide behind. “It’s always about Risial.”
“Tell me about her?” Tharios asks gently as thoughts of losing Viala intrude on him.
He’d be a broken man. As broken as Valethan appears now.
Valethan glances at Deridyn.
“I am here to listen and help if I am able,” Deridyn says. “You may speak freely.”
With a sigh, Valethan looks down at his hands on the table in front of him.
“I met Risial a few years before the Battle of the Wildthorne Woods. She was young, barely past her elfling days. I wasn’t much older.
Her family journeyed to Celesta for supplies, and I crossed paths with her on the street. ”
Valethan has a faraway look in his eyes, as if he’s gone to another place in his mind.
Tharios waits for him to continue.
“I had never met an Outerlander before. I was fascinated. Her braids. Her furs. The way she carried herself. My father would have been horrified, but I was taken with her, and I was both young enough and old enough to do as I pleased without caring about my father’s preferences.
I struck up a conversation, which she had no interest in joining, though she was polite about it.
Her wariness only made me wish to know her more.
” Valethan leans his face on his propped-up hands. “She was right to be wary.”
No one rushes him.
“I was a Fressenia. Used to getting what I desired and stupid enough to believe it should be that way.”
“You don’t feel that way now?” Tharios asks.
Valethan laughs, but it sounds pained. “I would happily discard the name of my birth. Being a Fressenia is not a blessing. It’s a curse.”
“What happened next?” Rafelis asks.
“He wandered into the Outerlands, searching for her,” Deridyn says quietly.
“And was quickly set straight,” Valethan mutters. “I wasn’t welcome there any more than she would have been welcome on my father’s estate in the countryside. Or in Celesta.”
“You followed this woman home?” Tharios asks. “After one meeting?”
“Young love sprouts quickly, fed by every force attempting to deny it,” Valethan whispers. “I should say infatuation. Love would have let her be. I understand the difference now.”
“And then what happened?” Tharios asks.
“Nothing. I was sent on my way, denied access even to speak to her. No one would tell me where she resided.”
“Outerlanders protect their own,” Tharios says.
“Indeed.” Valethan picks at a notch on the tabletop. “So I returned to Celesta. But I never stopped thinking of Risial. Wishing things were different. That a high born and an Outerlander could talk without fear of retribution. Of being ostracized.”
“The retribution would not have come from us,” Deridyn says.
“No, I know. Outerlanders are honorable people. Far better than my own kin.”
“So you left her to her life in the Outerlands?” Tharios asks.
“I did. My parents were horrified that I had even sought her out. They threw me together with one high-born woman after another in an attempt to prevent it from happening again. Every time my mother reminded me what happens to elves who consort with those beneath them, I loathed her more. All I wanted was to talk to Risial. My parents made it sound as if I’d formed an attachment with the scum on the bottom of their shoes, seeking her out in the shadows to satisfy my carnal desires. ”
Valethan leans back in his chair as both Deridyn and Rafelis stiffen.
“Forgive me for voicing that,” Valethan murmurs. “My parents are the scum.”
“But you did tryst in the shadows, didn’t you?” Tharios asks. “Eventually?”
A darkness slides across Valethan’s eyes. “Do not believe everything you hear, my prince.”
“Then continue. Please.”
“As I said, this was before the battle. Soon, whispers reached my ears that it was time to act to keep our kingdom strong. I knew how powerful the Outerlanders were from my journey north. I sensed it with my magic, but I never breathed a word. When Fenoral became involved in the rebellion, he attempted to recruit me. I was strong but young. Easily swayed. Or so he thought. He cared little about my previous infatuation. ‘The wild desires of youth.’ That’s what he called it.
As long as nothing came of it, it was harmless. ”
“You didn’t join the battle, though,” Rafelis says. “We know that.”
“I let Fenoral feed me lies about the low born. And I pretended to listen because I had seen how vindictive he could be. He terrified me. But I believed none of it. I had convinced myself my heart belonged to a girl from the Outerlands. Though we were destined to be apart, our hearts were fated.”
Tharios would smile if he didn’t know this story doesn’t have a happy ending.
Valethan groans. “I was an idiot. I should have let her go. It would have been a kindness to us both.”
“What happened during the battle?” Tharios asks.
“Fenoral sent for me. Told me it was time. And I hid, though it’s impossible to hide for long in Lostariel when you’re a Fressenia.
I could only hope the rebellion would fail and Fenoral would meet his end before he discovered my betrayal, which is what happened, or close enough.
He disappeared, and our new king took an Outerlander as his queen.
It felt like an impossible dream. In this new Lostariel, might I finally be with Risial?
Talk to her? Get to know the woman behind the image of her I’d created in my head? ”
“This was thirty years ago?” Rafelis asks. “Your daughter is an elfling still. Not even come into her full magic.”
Valethan glares at him. “I am aware. I learned from my journey north that waltzing in and demanding to speak to a woman I barely knew might work for a Fressenia in Celesta, but it would get me nowhere in the Outerlands. So I bided my time. Watched for her to return to Celesta. Hoped she might. Feared she wouldn’t.
For five years, I secretly waited for her, telling myself if the fates brought her back to me, it must be meant to be. Again, I was an idiot.”
“I assume she returned?” Tharios says as he leans back in his own chair.
“She did. And before you spout some nonsense about me coercing a young woman into worshipping the ground I walked upon, let me say that is not at all what happened. I merely spoke to her that day. Would she remember me? Did she know I’d come to the Outerlands searching for her years ago?
Well, she had no knowledge of my journey north, but she remembered the sweet, amusing boy from the streets of Celesta who had attempted to coax a smile from her once before. ”
“And then you won her heart?” Tharios doesn’t suggest the other possibility—that he merely seduced her.
“Slowly, over years. She’d visit Celesta, and I would watch for her.
And as I did so, I fell in love with the real Risial and not the idea of her I’d held in my head for so long.
It truly felt like we had been meant for each other from the start.
And I offered her everything. My name. My wealth.
My protection. Not that she needed it. Outerlanders are fierce, and she was no exception.
But she agreed on one condition. That my family give their blessing. ”
The unease within Tharios grows. “They refused?”
“Indeed. An Outerlander may have been good enough for a Westaria but never a Fressenia. They were as horrified as they had been more than a decade prior. They told me to think of the elflings, who would be abominations like our young prince.”
Valethan gazes steadily into Tharios’s eyes, and Tharios doesn’t look away.
“And this is why you didn’t bind with her?” Tharios asks. “Because your family was as prejudiced as ever?”
Valethan leans forward once more. “Have you heard of a clavestine binding, my prince?”
Tharios frowns. “A clavestine binding hasn’t been legal in Lostariel for a millennium. It’s too easily abused. Too hard to prove. And unnecessary when plenty of sanctioned life wielders exist to enact a legal binding recognized by all.”
“They may exist,” Valethan says. “But none I spoke to would act against the wishes of the House Fressenia for fear of retaliation. I should have realized then that being connected to a Fressenia would be Risial’s downfall.”
“Forgive me for interrupting,” Deridyn says, “but there are sanctioned life wielders in the Outerlands. Did they refuse you as well?”
Valethan sighs. “I would do many things differently if I could. Risial feared risking the life of anyone who would help us without my family’s blessing.
She was ready to walk away. To protect me.
To protect her family. I should have let her go.
Instead, I convinced her to bind with me in secret, according to the ancient traditions.
Our love could conquer anything. Or so I thought.
And I will bear the weight of that mistake for the rest of my days. ”
The ache in Valethan’s voice nearly does Tharios in. The pain. The regret.
“Bring me a paper and something to write with,” Tharios says, and Rafelis eyes him curiously but does as he asks. Tharios quickly pens a few lines of text. “Risial’s full name?” Tharios asks, and Deridyn provides it before Valethan can find his voice. “And the date of your binding?”
Valethan sputters a date eighteen years in the past.
Tharios finishes writing and signs his name before pulling his seal from his pocket—the seal he brought in case he might have reason to use it.
He stamps it beside his name and hands the paper to Valethan.
“A retroactive certificate of binding, signed by a sanctioned life wielder and valid throughout Lostariel. Now, tell me what happened to your binding partner—to Risial—and how that led to us sitting here today.”
Valethan stares from the paper to Tharios.
And in that moment, an understanding passes between them. Tharios reads it in Valethan’s eyes.
For perhaps the first time, Valethan feels heard.
Whatever happened between them yesterday and whatever happens tomorrow, Tharios is listening. And he will keep listening.
Even when it’s hard.
“Please,” Tharios says, “tell me the rest of your story. Help me see so I may understand.”