Chapter 15
Liz
One Christmas, Mom got in a big fight with the guy ringing a bell at the grocery store.
He hassled her about not donating, and she started rattling off a lot of numbers about where their money actually went.
Another Christmas, Grandma and Grandpa gave us necklaces with crosses on them, and Mom got into a screaming match with Dad’s parents in front of the fireplace.
Grandpa stumbled and smashed half our presents.
Only a few broke, but that wasn’t a highlight.
Another Christmas, the braided hair extensions Mom gave us were all recalled for being fire hazards, and she and Dad got into it over glasses of eggnog on Christmas Eve.
I’m not going to say that one of the glasses got thrown across the living room, but I also wouldn’t call someone who said that happened a liar.
Christmases in the Chadwick house weren’t always smooth and easy.
But this is the first time we’ve started the holiday with a dead body.
I’m quiet on the way home, because I’m not sure what I can say.
I was angry with that woman, and I didn’t like the things she was saying about how they crafted me into what they wanted.
I didn’t want to think about how much of who I am might have been determined by someone else or worse, by the acts of some secret group manipulating me and my family.
Even so, I didn’t want her dead.
But just like that, Thunar just ended her.
I had almost forgotten what a villain he is because he hadn’t attacked us lately.
It’s a good reminder, I suppose, that he’s not safe around my family or our people.
He’s violent, and he’s unpredictable, and he’s the enemy.
And behind him, there’s yet another enemy who may appear any time—Azar’s father.
My parents’ insane arguments might have been intense, but my bonded dragon’s family is much, much worse.
When we reach home, Azar carefully sets all the bags we gathered on the ground in our room, and I start to open them.
The snow globe I picked for Sammy was cracked.
The liquid inside had already drained out, ruining a whole roll of wrapping paper.
The organic jam I bought for my mom broke too, and it ran all over Coral’s peach-colored Uggs and Jade’s green ones.
Sitting on the floor, I start to bawl like a baby.
Azar’s outside, so I thought I might be fine, but in a split second, he’s beside me in his Axel-human form. “What’s wrong?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “This is the worst Christmas ever.”
“Why?” He sits beside me. “Did the kids discover the fat guy isn’t really who’s bringing them gifts?”
Sammy’s little squeak from the hall is loud.
I twist around, and I can’t help seeing his wide, wide eyes. “Santa’s not real?”
I start sobbing harder. “I can’t do this.
I’m messing everything up, and no matter what I try, it’s wrong.
” My hands are all sticky, and I wonder what else might have been ruined by the jam.
“I—I’m bad at this. I can’t be a mom when I’m just a sister.
And the world’s falling apart, and I can’t hold it all together.
I’m not strong enough. Actually, I’m nothing more than a tool that the Valkyrie people sharpened or whatever. ”
Axel looks utterly perplexed as he tugs me to my feet, but then he wraps both arms around me and pulls me close.
My face tucks into the place between his collarbone and his neck, and I breathe him in.
He smells of burnt leather and sage. Before I have time to try and get myself together, I feel small arms wrap around my middle section.
Sammy.
Then slightly bigger arms come at me from two sides, trapping me and Axel even closer together. “You’re not a Valkyrie weapon,” Sammy says. “You’re just Liz.”
“And we kind of already knew Santa wasn’t real,” Coral says.
“Wait.” Jade releases me. “Santa’s not real?” Her eyes are wide.
“Oh, stop,” Coral says. “It’s okay if she knows we know.”
“I didn’t know,” Sammy says, “but it kind of makes sense. I mean, how would elves really make things like PlayStations? Plus, Gage was the worst kid in my class. He should’ve gotten coal if there was any justice in the world, but he got an electric bike and a new iPad.”
I suppose ‘the Christmas that the kids all found out Santa was fake’ is better than ‘the Christmas that started out with a charred old woman who was pulling Liz’s puppet strings.’
“Are those Uggs?” Coral’s leaning toward the bags. “Because I really wanted some. We are in Australia, after all.”
Jade starts laughing. “You’re such a jerk. You’re supposed to pretend not to see them.”
“You think Euphrasia could get the jam off them?” Coral asks. “She’s good at cleaning, right?”
“How do you know it’s jam?” The kids have finally released me, and I can see the stuff spread out on the ground. “Were you listening for the last five minutes?”
Coral arches one imperious eyebrow. “I can smell it, duh.”
“This is what Christmas is about,” Axel says. “You said it’s about family being together, and we’re all together.”
Sammy flings his arms around just Axel this time. “You got your memories back.” He’s beaming up at him.
Axel sighs. “Not quite, buddy, but I think I’m making new ones. That may have to be good enough for now.”
Sammy nods slowly. “I guess it’ll do, but I wrote Santa a letter asking him for your memories, back when I still believed in him.” He arches one eyebrow at me. “Now that I know Santa’s fake, who should I ask? Baby Jesus?”
Coral rolls her eyes. “Obviously he’s fake, too.”
“No, he’s not,” Jade says. “Take that back.”
“And we pray to God,” I say. “Not baby Jesus.”
“This house is really amazing.” Mom’s standing just outside, on the steps. “Do you mind if we come inside?” George had taken them to go over some papers and talk about things, and then he showed them the village that’s coming together around the dragons who have moved in.
My heart races as I shove all my ruined treasures into the corner.
Mom and Dad are walking up the stairs to our home here in the Northern Territory, the home I made for Jade, Coral, Sammy, and me.
The home we share with our dragons voluntarily.
I shouldn’t care what they think, but I’m still trembling.
“How nice to see you again, Axel, and in human form, no less.” Mom arches one eyebrow. “Do you think the blessed will be able to defend the humans from the monstrosities they’ve released on earth?”
“Actually, Liz did that,” Sammy says.
Mom smiles. “Yes, I hear that’s true, but she did it to recover the heart for the dragons, did she not?”
“Oh man, and that’s stuck in her chest now,” Sammy says.
“Forget all the gifts I got,” I whisper as loudly as I can. “I’m getting this kid a muzzle.”
“He can’t talk to his parents?” Dad asks. “And is that true? Is the rock the dragons came for stuck inside your chest?” He’s staring at me, as if focusing on my chest might suddenly make it visible.
“We can talk about all this stuff later,” I say. “I have some Christmas stuff to do so we’ll be ready for tomorrow morning.” I glare at the kids. “Why don’t you show Mom and Dad to their rooms?”
“And where will I be staying?” I almost forgot about Gideon. “In there?” He points past the entry and around the bend. “It looks like your room.”
“It’s our room,” Axel says. “You aren’t welcome there.” He’s half-snarling and Gideon’s been here for two seconds. This might have been a very bad idea.
“I’ve watched enough people die today,” I say. “Why don’t you follow Sammy to his room.” I point down the hall. “Gordon and Rufus will be staying outside tonight so you and Sammy can share.”
Gideon frowns, but he doesn’t argue.
I’m tidying up the kitchen a little—why is there always water splashed all around the sink?—when Mom walks in. She glances around furtively, as if she’s nervous or embarrassed about something.
“Everything alright?” I peek around her. “Did one of the dragons knock something over?”
Mom blinks. “No.” She frowns. “I just—” She picks up a towel and wipes the exact same spot I just wiped. Her frown deepens.
“What, Mom? I don’t want Christmas to be any stranger than it has to be.”
Her head whips up. “I don’t either.” She swallows.
“I’m—I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.
” Her lips compress. “It’s hard when you’re a mother, the very hardest thing you have to do, when you have two children who need opposite things.
Helping one means harming the other. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s like you’re being torn in half. ”
I could see that, but I’m not sure where she’s going with it.
“I was terrified for the kids,” she whispers.
“I couldn’t resist her, Ocharta, and I—” Her mouth snaps shut.
“Then when Gideon told me you were entirely ensorcelled, so badly that you thought you wanted to be near your dragon, I just. . .” She sighs.
“I should have tried harder to verify it. I shouldn’t have just trusted him.
But he has always wanted what was best for you.
He’s always been on your side. And he’s human. ”
I get that. As a mother, I’m sure you always want the easier path for your child. The safer one. “Look, Mom, it’s fine.”
She drops her hand on mine. “It’s not fine, and I know that.”
I freeze. Her tiny hand, her fingers over mine, they seem to have frozen me in place. “I—you were doing the best you could, and then when Gideon suggested a way that I could get free from the dragons, you took it.”
She nods. “I really did think it was best, right up until I saw you there, in that place, dying day by day.” She swallows again. “I thought you might die, just give up and roll over and stop breathing.”
I wanted to. When I thought Azar was gone, Axel was dead, I wanted to just quit everything.
“I told your father that we were wrong. I convinced him that we had to get you free.”
“So I could save the other kids,” I say.