Chapter forty-six #2
Amber flecks of anger burn in his blue eyes.
“I guess I’m not, because there are a hell of a lot of things I want from you, Ember.
” He moves closer, so close, but not touching me, and I hate how much I want him to.
I hate how much I want him every moment I’m with him and every moment I am not.
His eyes sweep my lips, linger there with the promise of a kiss he denies me, before his gaze finds mine.
“Too many things, it seems.” And then, he’s gone.
He’s rifted away, and my knees are weak and my heart is sick.
I sink into one of the high-back chairs with a burn in my eyes, but I don’t call out to him.
What else is there to say?
A few days pass without one single brush with Micah.
I tell myself this is for the best. My entire life has been controlled by everyone but me, Micah included, but there is no denying a hollowness inside me at his absence, as if I’ve lost a piece of my heart. I’m confused by what I feel for him. I need him. I hate him. I want him. I miss him.
In the meantime, I throw myself into training, even rifting to the entryway of the Underbelly to remind myself what waits for me when I return to the human realm.
And deep down, I know that’s what Micah wanted me to understand, too.
I’d battled a mental block he’d tried to erase in the forest, and he knew from experience what I did not.
My fear of the Underbelly would be more powerful than my fear of myself.
Only then could I find my path forward. And so, while he’s away, I work toward owning my assets.
I work to be independent, to fight with skills that allow no one to control me ever again, most certainly not Jeremy.
I’m feeling stronger, capable of facing whatever comes for me.
I push Gabriella, Silas, and Zeke to tell me they believe that I’m there, too, that I’m ready for Jeremy, but none of them are willing to speak those words.
On one occasion, Gabriella said what the others have not. “Will any of us ever be ready for the malicious evil that is Jeremy?”
“I have to be,” I’d replied. “For all of us. I must.”
It’s late on Friday night, and I’m feeling lonely and lost, and I hate myself for it. Maybe I was hard on Micah. He was only trying to force me to find my fire. I need to talk to him, and as if I’ve willed him to me, he appears. I jolt with his sudden appearance in the chair across from mine.
“You need an alarm,” I say, fist between my breasts. “You scared me.”
“I seem to be good at that.”
“No,” I say, my heart bleeding for this man. “No, you’re not.”
His expression is stark, his jaw shadowed, his hair a rumpled mess that tells me he’s been running his fingers through it. Fretting when he never frets. “What’s happening?”
“I need to make a showing at the garrison.”
“Okay.” I set my book aside and shift to the edge of the seat. “When do we leave?”
“Without you, Ember. It will take some heat off of any rumors that might have started about who you are.”
“I don’t understand. Are there rumors?”
“Yes. There’s buzz that you’re the Aza.”
My throat goes dry. “Because someone might get the idea to kill me before I turn dark?”
“I won’t coddle you and tell you that might not happen, especially considering the demon activity around the city has increased tenfold. They might interpret it as a sign you triggered it just by existing.”
“Why would they think that?”
“If you accept your dark side, the demon world will explode. There will be nothing else. I’m taking Zeke with me. Silas and Gabriella will keep you safe and continue your training.”
“You can’t face Jeremy alone if he shows up, Micah. He was able to bind your powers.”
“If he shows up, I’ll handle him. I’ve been working on why he’s able to do that as well as a solution.”
“Why was he able to bind your powers?”
“Because what I didn’t understand then that I do now is that we’re both connected to you, Ember. He uses you against me.”
My brows dip. “What? I don’t understand.”
“The bottom line here is that if I can kill him before you return to the human realm, he has no chance to claim you.”
Everything inside me screams with warning. “You know you can’t kill him.”
“I told you, I know things now I didn’t know before. I understand why he could defeat me. I understand how to defeat him now.”
“I still have the serpent in me. Everything I’ve read leads me to believe that if he lives, it lives.”
“Not here. And if he’s dead, we control it while you’re here and find a way to kill it.”
“No. No, that feels off. It’s not going to work. Everything inside me says that’s not going to work. Don’t do this. It won’t go well.”
“I’m not going after him, Ember. I’m ready if he comes after me. I’ll come back when I’ve dealt with the demon activity. Just don’t forget, it’ll seem longer to you than me.”
“No,” I breathe out. “I don’t want you to go. And I want to say—”
“Save it for when I get back.”
“No. No, I was stupid and childish and—”
“No. I was hard on you.”
“You were trying to save my life. I know that.”
He’s silent a beat. “There is a lot for us to say to each other, a lot I want to say to you, Ember, but now can’t be the time. I really have to go.”
“Why is it so urgent? What do you know that I don’t?” He pushes to his feet, and I follow, aware that I’ve already lost this battle. “How will I know you’re okay?”
“You won’t be able to speak to me through our link, but you’ll be able to feel me.”
I round the table, and he turns to face me. “I have a bad feeling about this, Micah,” I repeat.
He catches me to him, and it’s as if my body sighs in relief with the feel of him next to me, his hand sliding to my face. “Every decision I make is about saving you, Ember.” The words vibrate with emotion from somewhere deep in his soul, his torment palpable, his fear for me with it.
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
“With every part of me.”
His mouth closes over mine, and the sweep of his tongue is silk and fire at the same time, moaning through me with such passion I’m trembling, the flutter of butterfly wings in my chest. I sink into him and wrap my arms around him, but too soon, he’s torn his mouth from mine.
“We’ll do that again when I get back.” He brushes gentle fingers over my cheek, and then he’s gone.