CHAPTER TEN
I stood frozen outside a music shop in Bellvey and stared through the window as the busy avenue’s patrons streamed past me. An array of cellos, lutes, and pianos clogged the shop’s cluttered showroom.
“I thought you could use a distraction,” Bellan said from beside me. “Pick something, and I will have it delivered to your new flat.”
Griffon hadn’t come to my room the next day.
Or the day after. And I’d hardly left the bed, my mind and body ravaged by whatever foul magic he’d foisted on me.
Now, I sat hunched on the edge of the mattress, my head cradled in my hands.
They wouldn’t leave me alone for much longer, I was certain.
But the walls I had managed to erect around the turmoil in my head were parchment thin.
The tears threatening to tumble down my cheeks were proof of how fragile they were.
The memory of those godsdamned manacles finally springing open of their own accord leapt to mind.
I’d sprinted out of that cursed fog, broken ribs and shattered arm still healing, but then I’d—my fingers dug into my scalp harder.
No. I wouldn’t think about what I’d done once I made it back to those wrecked streets.
About how much I’d contributed to the bloody rivers that had poured down every slope and drain in the city.
And the first part of the ordeal…those damned tears leaked down my face. My sweet Lynnix. The too-fresh memory of her dragging herse—
I popped off the bed, my head still clutched between my palms. “Think of the middle part,” I hissed for the hundredth time.
“Not what it meant. Not what they said. Just what they did. That is the only fucking part you’re allowed to think about.
” My mind had mostly obliged. How could it not, when every caress of my clothes and the silken sheets raked over my still too-sensitive skin like a wire brush.
I set my jaw and dug my palms into my eyes. I would not let them see how shaken I was. How disturbing and agonizingly painful their Lakuro-induced visions had been.
And they sure as fuck weren’t going to do it again.
I stumbled to the dresser and tipped the portrait on edge. My fingers shook as I plucked one of my precious sprigs of annuleaf off the frame. I shoved it in my mouth, cringing at the bitter taste, and inhaled as a deep calm settled over my mind.
I hobbled to the washroom on stiff and protesting legs.
They almost gave out when I jerked to a stop in front of the mirror.
My hair looked like a strawberry patch had exploded while I’d wallowed in bed for the past two days.
Dark circles marred the spaces beneath my dead eyes, the dips beneath my cheekbones more pronounced than normal.
I cringed, but even that looked devoid of any real emotion.
My gaze dropped to my clothes—or more notably, not my clothes. A faint memory of the acrid scent of piss wafted through my mind.
“Fuck,” I spat. “Fuck!” I slammed my hands down on the vanity, a hint of shame breaking through the nothingness in my gaze. “You can’t undo what happened,” I hissed at my reflection. “Only make them regret that it did.”
I shoved off the vanity and stripped the unwanted garments from my body before plunking into the basin and wrenching the temperature control all the way to hot.
Near scalding water burned my tender skin but slowly began to relax my tense muscles.
I drew my knees to my chest and focused on the latter sensation, trying to hold those pesky tears at bay.
The water had lost its heat by the time I finally found the energy to heft my forehead off my knees.
I glared at a sponge that taunted me from the edge of the basin, my jaw feathering as I reached for it with a shaking hand.
Each pass over my skin eroded that shaky dam until it shattered and unleashed an ocean of tears.
Once I was abraded and raw and finally spent, I dragged myself out of the basin and back to the bedroom.
My clothes were folded in a chair by the window.
I plucked my armor off the stack and held it up to the light.
My knuckles turned white as I stared at it.
Not so much as a speck of Jamie Tablor’s blood remained on the chest piece.
The only remnant of the splotch on the bracer was a patch of rough, crumbling leather. I tore my eyes away and got dressed.
A plate of food had materialized while I’d scrubbed myself raw. I picked up a piece of toast and gagged as the buttery aroma assaulted my nose. I dropped it back on the plate and dumped all but one small, blood-red strawberry off the balcony.
And then I waited. And planned.
I knew his long strides and arrogant gait the moment his footfalls entered the hallway. “Fuck off!” I called before he could rap on the door. It opened anyways.
Griffon leaned against the doorframe as I popped the strawberry into my mouth and dusted my hands over the empty plate. It was an effort not to gag as I swallowed.
“I see you’re finally done wallowing in your own filth.”
I kicked my feet up on the table and leaned back in the chair. “Damn. You sure got over your remorse fast.”
His smile made me want to vomit more than the toast. “You’ve mistaken exhaustion for guilt, I’m afraid. Having to sit there for hours while you screamed and babbled and pissed yourself was…” He cocked his head as he searched for the right word to best capture his vigil of my suffering. “Tedious.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Try and stab me with that shit again, and I’ll introduce you to whatever god you savages pray to.”
One side of his lip quirked up. “We don’t.” He shoved off the wall. “But that’s not an experience I’m interested in repeating today. Meet me by the stables.” He turned to leave but glanced back over his shoulder. “And dress warm.” Those cocky footsteps retreated back down the hall.
“And if I refuse?” I called.
“I don’t think you’ll want to,” he hollered back, his voice echoing through the long hall.
“Five days,” I breathed. “I can play along for five more days.”
I darted to the door and eased it shut before mashing my ear to it. Silence.
Heart thumping wildly against my ribs, I ran to the portrait on the wall and snatched my last sprig of annuleaf from behind it, then tucked a hand mirror I’d taken from the bathing chamber into the waistband of my pants.
I sucked in a deep breath, plastered a neutral expression on my face, and flung the curtains covering the balcony doors wide.
Frigid air blasted me the moment I hauled the doors open and meandered to the railing.
I kept my face somewhere between mild interest and outright awe; just a stupid human taking in the wonder that was Falcos and her surroundings.
Once I was as certain as possible that there were no prying eyes on me, I whipped around.
I raked a hasty assessment over the stones, searching for a place to shove the annuleaf. A short but deep crack that ran next to the door caught my eye. I balled up my only lifeline and shoved it where they would never find it.
I threw another nervous glance around before dropping to my stomach and dangling the mirror over the edge of the balcony.
The patio doors below reflected in its surface.
I reached my other arm over the edge, grunting when my face smashed between the bars, and stretched until my fingers curled under the balcony’s edge.
It was only a moment before a trickle of molten metal ran down the seam of the doors.
I maintained the heat until the handles were little more than a shiny coating that ran to the floor.
I grinned. In five days, my path to freedom would already be clear.
I heaved myself off the frigid ground and locked the balcony doors once I was back inside. The “casual interest” slid off my face as I turned to the wardrobe in the corner of the room. “Distaste” immediately replaced it as I trod over to it.
An array of clothes had been left for me, but wearing them somehow felt like admitting I belonged here.
But even my elevated temperature wasn’t enough to batter away the constant cold in this icy fortress, let alone outside it.
So, I yanked a thick, fluffy robe out of the wardrobe and tossed my thinner one onto the bed.
The guards were already waiting in the hall when I flung the door back open. I sighed and followed them to the gods only knew what fate.
“That one will throw you on your ass if you’re not careful,” Alexei warned as I tightened a strap on a saddle.
I patted the magnificent stallion I had been ogling before being assaulted and trapped in a godsdamned nightmare. “He wouldn’t dare. Besides, I’m an excellent rider. My dad used to take me all the time.” My lopsided grin vanished. I busied myself with finishing up with the saddle.
Laney’s head popped up over the back of her mare, further down the stable. “For what it’s worth,” she called, “I’m glad Griff didn’t manage to kill you.”
I led the stallion over to her, his hooves clip-clopping through the cavernous aisle. “Wasn’t for lack of trying.” I shivered as I stared out into the icy hellscape beyond. “What are we doing, anyways?”
A broad smile lit her face, an errant sunbeam illuminating her white-blond hair and vibrant blue eyes. “That, dear human, is a surprise.”
“Not a fan of surprises,” I muttered.
“You’ll like this one,” Alexei said as he passed me, his own horse trailing after him and into the snow. Laney and I followed.
Griffon stormed into the stable and stopped long enough to retrieve a saddled horse from one of the stalls.
A pair of riding leathers and fitted jacket clung to all his cut lines.
“Let’s go. We’re already running late.” The ends of his wet hair were tipped with droplets that glittered in the morning glow like a crown of diamonds.
I searched his face. He’d played it off like a pro, but I was too well-acquainted with a look of sorrow to ever mistake exhaustion as one. There was none of that now, though; he was all hard lines and cold, fuck-right-off detachment.
My attention drew his a second before a snowball smacked him in the face and exploded in a flurry of white powder. I snorted at the look of utter shock that chased away the broody scowl he’d been wearing.
“Lighten up, Griff,” Laney said as she dusted snow off her hands. “Seriously, I think there was a vein bulging in your forehead.”
Griffon raised a snow-dusted brow at her.
I made to duck behind my horse at the wicked grin that tipped his lips but still got showered with a deluge of freezing water and snow as he shook his wet head like a dog.
I cursed at the veritable ice shard that flew in my eye.
Laney yelped and scooped up another palmful of snow.
A dozen smoke whips lashed out from Griffon’s body, each scooping up a snowball twice the size of the one Laney held. “Is this really a fight you want to pick?”
Laney held up her hands and the snowball thunked back into the powder at her feet. “Fine, I surrender. Damned cheater.”
He glanced at me. A phantom prick stung my neck and I slapped my hand over it, my fingers digging into my muscle with the reminder of our last encounter.
“I’m not playing.” I turned my back on them and aimed for where Alexei already waited by the gate. Laney squealed behind me.
I scanned the front wall as nonchalantly as possible.
Six guards spanned its length, their heads poking over the parapet equidistant from one another.
I tore my attention away when Laney and Griffon finally joined us.
They both wore easy smiles, a dusting of snow still coating their shoulders and hair.
He led their horses; her hands were looped around his bicep.
The gesture was casual, but her grip was firm as she leaned into him and whispered something that brought an almost tender expression to his face. I looked away.
We mounted and rode through Falcos’ gate, Laney at my side and Griffon and Alexei a few strides ahead of us. I took my first easy breath in days.
I watched Alexei’s and Griffon’s broad backs as they aimed for the eastern peaks looming above us. Alexei’s unruly blond hair, pulled into a bun at his nape, was as sharply contrasted to Griffon’s midnight waves as a starless night sky to this snow that smothered everything.
I glanced at Laney. “So, when you mentioned good sex. Did you mean with one—or both, I guess—of them?”
Her core convulsed and her shoulders dipped. “I think I just threw up,” she muttered, her nose crinkled in open disgust. “Gods, no. Alexei is my twin. Griffon is like an annoying little brother I never asked for but love anyways.”
I glanced between her and Alexei. “Hm. It is rather obvious, now you mention it.” My gaze shifted to the left. “Love and Griffon. Odd words to pair together.”
Laney’s brows scrunched. “It really is amazing, how clueless the two of you are. You’re not so different. Both broken and blinded by Solstice.”
My gaze snapped forward. “We are not the same.”
Laney’s shoulders shrugged in my periphery. “Sure. If you say so.”
We lapsed into silence. My mind once again tumbled into Lakuro’s waiting claws. As image after horrid image replayed in my head, I chewed on a question that had been toying with me for days.
The silence eventually grew awkward enough that I forced my mouth open to ask it. “How does Lakuro work? I mean, how does it determine what chaos you see?”
Laney twisted in her saddle, an odd expression on her face.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her frown deepening.
“It shows you your worst fears, of course. If you can stop and shut out the noise—truly focus on a happy memory and who you are—while surrounded by the thing that scares you most? Then you can do the same in Stone.” Her ice-blue eyes pierced straight to my soul. “Do you not know your own fears?”
I pivoted away from her and stared at the horizon as nausea flipped my stomach.
The memory of the girl I’d tripped shredded through my meager defenses.
An echo of the glee that had consumed me rushed through the tatters and damn near drowned me.
I saw my sister dragging herself through gore for help I sure as fuck hadn’t offered. And the retribution I damn well des—
Stop. Just stop.
I swallowed the acid burning my throat. “That wasn’t my experience with it.”
By Gideon’s grace, she didn’t push further.