CHAPTER THIRTY
Bellan glanced up at me, confusion scrawled across his face. “You execute them, of course.”
I slowly nodded. “What role did they play, exactly?”
His eyes narrowed on me. “Does it matter?” he countered. “Are you going to be the weapon I need you to be? The weapon that shows the world we do not tolerate our peoples’ slaughter? Or not?”
Five people sat against a wall, their hands anchored behind them with thick chains. I’d been searching for them.
Hunting them.
I glanced to my side, where Omri Bellan stood with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “How did you manage to get all five at once?” My fingers twitched at my sides.
Bellan shrugged, as though the feat had been nothing. “I have my methods.”
“Lydia,” Beck ground out as he struggled against his bonds. “This isn’t you. This isn’t what you really want!”
“You don’t know me,” I spat. “Not anymore.”
“Yes, I do. You know I do.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. He had a secret. But revealing it now would get me nothing; he was dead either way.
“Lyd?” Lynnix asked. “What’s going on?” Her voice was high-pitched and grated on my nerves.
She looked so similar to me. Had the same wavy, strawberry-blond hair that bobbed against her shoulders.
The same elegant neck, delicate jawline, and dainty nose.
We could have been twins if she were a bit older.
I savored my victory as I went to her and knelt, a slow smile stretching over my face. “What’s happening is you’re all going to die. And I’m going to enjoy every single moment of it.”
Terror gripped her small face and a chuckle bubbled up my throat.
Pathetic.
“You’re a disgrace,” my dad growled. “If you want to kill me, fine. But how dare you harm your mother, or your brother and sister.” I glanced between him and my mom. He was livid, but she just looked like she was going to vomit.
I returned my cool stare to him, his normally soft eyes and relaxed jaw both hard as flint. “I think I’ll start with you,” I announced.
“Find your anchor, Lydia.”
“We found the stonetalon,” someone announced from my right.
I heard his snarls and cursing before I saw him. I smiled at my dad. “Looks like you’ve been thrown a bone.” I inclined my head toward the grunting, my smile growing. “Perhaps I’ll even toss you one of his.”
I turned toward Griffon Ryker. He was in Stone, his face a feral mask.
There were no wings towering over his bare shoulders, only rivulets of blood tracking along his obliques and down the V at his hips.
I took slow, measured steps toward him, enjoying every moment of unbridled rage that twisted his immaculate face.
“I have been waiting a very long time for this,” I purred, reaching a finger toward his cheek.
He snapped at it, his fang grazing my flesh just enough to sting.
I smiled at the blood trickling down my finger before popping it in my mouth and sucking.
“You’re going to make it fun for me, too, aren’t you? ”
“Go fuck yourself,” he snarled.
I leaned into him, as close to those fangs as I dared. “Not until I make you bleed,” I drawled. I drew back and turned to the men gripping his arms. “Secure him.”
The men dragged him to a stake driven deep into the ground, the metal ring at its tip glinting in the high sun.
One of the men kicked Griffon’s knees out from under him, and he struck the ground with a grunt.
They secured his manacles to the ring, the position puffing his chest out in an all-too-appealing way.
I slid a dagger from my waist and set it against his heart.
He bared his teeth and lunged at me, burying the tip of the blade into his flesh before the chains drew him up short.
I walked a lazy circle around him, dragging the dagger as I went.
A thin curtain of blood oozed over his perfectly bronzed skin.
When I stood behind him, I set the dagger against one of the raw, bloody stumps where his wings had been. I dug it in, twisting as I went. He howled, his back arching under my blade. I savored the delicious sound of his pain, letting it nestle into all the little spaces of my memory.
Jackson wailed behind me, and I whipped toward him. The high-pitched keen grated on my ears in a way that decimated the high I’d been building toward since Griffon’s arrival.
I slid my attention to my mother. “Shut him up. Or I will.”
She scooted as far as her bonds would allow, the chains groaning as she tugged against them.
Her chin hooked over Jackson’s shoulder and she tried to nudge him into her lap.
Sharp gasps burst off her lips, her gaze darting between me and the infant squirming beside her.
“It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay,” she breathed.
“Find your anchor,” Griffon said over my shoulder. I ignored him, too busy with the show in front of me.
“Shhhh, Jackson,” Lynnix cooed. “Shhhhh.” She leaned as far as she could and used her head to shove Jackson toward my mother. Tears tracked down her dirty cheeks.
My mother twisted, her shoulder torquing as she struggled to get her legs out from under her. Jackson teetered and fell toward Lynnix. His screech rose in volume, and I flung the blade. It rotated end over end twice before thudding into his chest. His cry abruptly ended.
Utter silence cocooned me. “That’s better.”
Lynnix and my mother’s screams shattered the quiet. Beck and my father roared, both straining against their bonds hard enough that blood pattered to the ground behind them.
“Shut up,” I demanded. “All of you. Or she’s next.” I plucked a dagger off a guard’s belt and leveled it at my sister, one brow cocking in challenge.
They fell silent, with only a whimper escaping Lynnix’s lips. I smirked at the effort carved into their faces, every scream and curse trapped behind trembling lips.
I returned my attention to Griffon. “Where were we?”
“Anchor,” he gasped, pain drenching his eyes. “Find yourself and crawl out of this nightmare.”
“Nightmare?” I scoffed. “I think it’s a fucking party.”
“Please,” he begged. “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Because this is killing me to watch.”
I scoffed. “I think you’ll find that watching is the least painful thing you’ll endure.”
He ignored me. “I don’t know if you meant it, when you said the phoenixes would never be enough. I don’t know if you found another memory, but seize it and come back to me. Please.”
A phoenix? No—that wasn’t right. But there was something. Something I was supposed to remember.
A memory. Of me.
Me, not whoever this was.
Movement caught my attention and I glanced back toward the wall. Lynnix and my mother had shifted so their toes were touching, my mother’s booted feet grasping at Lynnix’s as her shoulders shook.
I sucked in a deep breath, the air saturated with misery that was crisp and invigorating as it slid smoothly into my lungs. I continued my circle around Griffon until I stood in front of him again.
“What does it feel like?” I asked as I weaved the tip of the dagger across his sculpted torso. “To have all this strength. All this power in your blood.” I ran my fingers through it and leaned down until my lips were inches from his ear. “And yet still be completely helpless?”
I sank to my knees and drew my shirt up over my head, my eyes never leaving the feast spread out before me. I ran my blood-soaked fingers over my collarbone, across my peaked nipples and down my abdomen. His chest heaved as he thrashed against the bonds. He glared at me with teeth bared.
I dug my fingers into the gouge over his heart until they dripped with his blood.
“Watching you suffer drives me wild,” I gasped, my breaths working into a frenzy.
I slipped my fingers into the waistband of my pants and massaged my clit, my fingers gliding through my arousal and his blood. My eyes drifted shut and I moaned.
“Lydia!” A sharp sting cracked across my cheek. My eyes snapped open. “Anchor, dammit,” Griffon snapped. The pain was gone from his eyes, leaving only fury. “Find whatever bullshit memory you insist on using and fucking anchor!”
The memory! Of me!
Me.
I dove into it.
Brady’s fist tightened in my hair as he dragged me between two stacks in the library, my feet slipping as I tried to keep up with him. “Stop it!” I screeched. “You’re hurting me!”
“Good. Your snitching got me in trouble, and you’re gonna pay for it.”
“You broke the rules!” I snapped, scratching at his hand. “You deserved to be punished.”
He threw me against the back wall and started unbuckling his belt. He was sixteen and towered over me.
My skin grew hotter and hotter as I watched his fingers at his belt. I knew what that meant. Steam poured off my skin and I started panting, the fire burning me up. I couldn’t control it yet. At all. His belt hit the ground and I exploded.
The flames hit his chest and ignited his cloak. He fell to the ground and screamed as he rolled, his efforts fruitless against the strength of my magic.
This is wrong. I snapped my fists shut at the thought and forced the flow of power to stop. My eyes shot wide.
Brady smothered the fire and struggled to his feet. Patches of singed skin were visible through the holes that littered his clothing.
“Go,” I panted. “If you ever do this to another girl I’ll find you. Got it?”
He nodded frantically and sprinted between the stacks he had just dragged me down.
“I don’t care if we’re old and crusty, I’ll find you!” I yelled after him.
I stared down at my hands. I controlled it. I controlled it. I’d bent this violent thing to my will and done the right thing. I burst out laughing.
My eyes flew open and I sucked in a wild breath.
Vomit surged from my roiling stomach, and I hurled over the edge of the mat.
I rolled over and panted on my hands and knees as appalling image after appalling image paraded through my skull on a relentless loop.
Horror and disgust and shame crowded my throat and I choked on it.
Griffon’s hands closed over my shoulders. “Hey,” he breathed. “It’s okay. I’m right here.” His palm rubbed a circle between my shoulder blades. “You’re not alone. It’s over.”
I focused every ounce of my attention on those slow circles.
“It’s over.”
I wiped my palm across my mouth and sat back on my heels. I glanced at the pile of vomit and cringed. At least I hadn’t pissed myself this time.
I dragged my eyes to Griffon. “You look like shit,” I gasped. “Was I screaming again, or something?”
“No. You were laughing. And…moaning.” His face drained of what little color it had as heat flooded mine. “I don’t understand. Lakuro is supposed to show you your worst fear.”
“It does,” I rasped. My mind had apparently experimented during its first foray into Lakuro—and latched onto the infinitely more effective method of shoving that fear down my throat.
He ran his finger down my cheek, until it rested against my raging pulse. “To what horrible place does your mind go?” he mused, his eyes searching mine.
“Hell.” I couldn’t get the image of throwing that dagger at Jackson out of my head.
Wasn’t sure I’d ever scour the thought of pleasuring myself with Griffon’s blood from all the little crevasses it had infested.
“Absolute hell.” My head swam. I bent over and tucked it between my knees but caught his expression just before I turned.
He wanted to ask more. It was scrawled in eyes burning with curiosity. Thank the gods he didn’t. “You were only under for about fifteen minutes.” He said it like that was supposed to be a good thing. “That is remarkable progress.”
I shuddered. “It still felt like an eternity.” I squeezed my eyes tighter. “I’ve heard your voice both times. In my head. Is that…real?” I clung to absolutely anything to distract myself. “Or just something else I imagine?”
“Real. I talk to you. It is the responsibly of the one who administers Lakuro to lead you out. The role should be held by someone you trust completely.” He barked a laugh devoid of humor.
“I guess I should have mentioned that the first time. Or this time.” I heard his heavy swallow.
“I can ask Laney. Or if you’d prefer Beck—”
I shot upright. “No. I want you. I mean…” I rubbed my temples and cleared my throat. “You’ve already seen me lose, well, just about everything. My mind, my lunch, my fucking bladder.” I mumbled the last bit. “No need to humiliate myself in front of someone new.”
His steady gaze held mine. “You trust me?”
The first word to my lips shocked me. “Yes.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “I’m not exactly stable, you know. I could lose control while you’re under and you’d be fucked. Again.”
“You won’t.”
His brow furrowed. “Why do you say that?”
I searched for the source of my certainty.
A shaky smile tipped my lips when I finally put my finger on it.
“You’re a protecter.” He’d protected me from myself at Bardon’s.
Guarded me against the da’kai while I shifted in that cavern.
Saved me from lashes I was equally deserving of.
Even shielded me from Beck out on the ice, putting his body between me and him when he knew my emotions were at their breaking point.
“If there is one thing that can keep you in control, I think it’s that. ”
His eyes softened. “Careful, Little Ember. That sounded very close to a compliment.”
I managed a snort. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Soot. We aren’t there yet.”
He chuckled and reached for my hand. “I’ll help you to your room.”
I shook my head. “No. Again.” My gut twisted. But I was shit out of time. Solstice was in two days and, according to Davina, Bellan could unleash his horde at any moment.
“Absolutely not. We never do two Lakuro sessions in a day. It’s too brutal.” He glanced at my vomit, as if I needed proof. “Hell, we don’t even do two in a month. That’s why we train for so long.”
I squared my still-shaking shoulders. “Exactly. Most gargoyles have years to prepare for their first shift. I have days.” I shamelessly flung his words at him. “Besides, I’m old friends with brutal. I can handle it.”
“Are you sure?”
I glanced away before the pleading on his face broke my shaky resolve. “Not even a little. Just stab me before I change my mind.”
He nodded and crossed to the table, then knelt beside me, tiny needle in hand. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, his eyes open and warm as they swept my face. “Ready?”
I sat back on the mat and shoved my shaking hands under my butt. “Don’t leave me alone in there,” I whispered.
“Never.”
I jerked my chin. “Then I’m ready.”
He gently pressed the needle into the skin at my neck, his fingers lingering. I sucked in a wild breath as a spike slammed into my skull.