CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
I stumbled outside, flames flickering at my back. They were dead. I’d just…killed them. I tripped on a root as I fled into the trees, and didn’t get up.
The coming days were so similar I started to fear I was cursed to live the same hell over and over again.
I’d drag Beck away from his books for long enough to train with Griffon, Laney, and Alexei.
Charlise and either her longtime partner, Evander, or Mirren would join us most days.
Beck and Griffon would spend the entire time seeing who could glare harder.
Sometimes Beck joined me for lunch. Sometimes he’d storm off before I could even ask where he was going.
Followed by two reliably dreadful sessions of Lakuro.
And I wasn’t getting any better.
I practiced Lakesh incessantly, replaying that memory over and over in my head when I ate, bathed, and had the fire beaten out of me at training. Hell, I had even begun to dream the damned thing. But the second Lakuro flooded my system, it severed my lifeline and drowned me.
I hovered outside Beck’s door, my body sore and mind ragged. I finally found the courage to set another miserable day in motion and raised my fist.
The door flew open. Beck swooped past me and my suspended fist without a word.
“Hi to you, too?” I called after him. “Where are you going?” I jogged to keep up, my legs protesting every step, but he didn’t slow down.
“Outside. Feel like I’m going to vomit. Need fresh air.”
“You could’ve just stuck your head out the window, you know?”
He flung his head side to side. “No. I really just want to be outside.”
I narrowed my gaze on him. “Are you okay?” Griffon wouldn’t poison him…would he?
“No, Lydia, I’m not!” he snapped. “And unless you want my breakfast all over you, you’ll stop slowing me down!”
“I’m literally running to keep up,” I panted. “But sure, I’ll try not to get in the way anymore.”
He didn’t bother with a response as he sped his way through the corridors, down the monstrosity of a central staircase, and out the front doors. He bolted down the stairs and stood to their side, doubled over and panting. I sat on a flat section of the stair’s edge, my feet dangling over the side.
“Do I even want to know?” I eventually risked asking.
“Probably not,” he shot back.
Alright, then.
Movement caught my attention, and I turned toward the gate just as two gargoyles landed in front of it.
Both of them were drenched in oily black blood that suffused the courtyard with its suffocating stench.
My muscles locked in response to that scent—horrible and too-fresh and wholly unforgettable.
They swapped hasty greetings, but the confusion on their faces at seeing one another was obvious. A few words to the gate guards sent one of them soaring straight through Falcos’ open doors, while the others hurried toward the steps.
“Well, we certainly have interesting timing,” I mumbled.
Silence greeted me and I glanced at Beck. He was rigid as he stared at them, not even the inconvenience of breathing disturbing his statuesque posture.
“Seriously, Beck. What the fuck is going on?”
He spared me a split second of his time before turning back to the gargoyles. “I don’t know.”
“Well, what are you doing?”
He sighed and finally graced me with his precious attention. “Trying to be nosy, just like you are, but I still feel like I’m going to toss my breakfast.”
“Fine,” I muttered.
The group stormed up the stairs, their words garbled by two separate conversations. The few I caught twisted my gut. Da’kai. Battle. Casualties. They swept past us and were gone before I could decipher more.
I swallowed hard and turned back to Beck. “I’ll take you to Charlise. I’m sure she has something that could settle your stomach.”
He shook his head but still looked like he was considering a good vomit in the snow. “I think it’s finally starting to pass.”
“So, I’m guessing training is a…no?” He tossed me a, “get lost in the Fade,” expression and I held up my hands.
“Gods, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” I pivoted toward his shadow—formerly my shadow—and muttered, “I’ll just leave you with Cade, here.
” I mentally patted myself on the back for finally remembering all their names and shoved off my perch.
I started up the stairs but turned back to Cade. “Who were they?”
Beck wasn’t the only one who looked sick anymore. “General Sorrell and Commander Aris. They wouldn’t have left their posts unless something significant had happened.”
I swallowed my dread and tipped my chin toward Beck. “Have fun with him.”
I trudged up the rest of the stairs, but my steps faltered in the cavernous foyer. Exhaustion tugged at my shoulders and I sighed. Maybe Beck had the right idea. I plodded up the first flight and turned right instead of left at the fork.
I drew a basin of piping hot water and stayed in it for hours, my flames keeping the cold at bay.
But they couldn’t keep the clock from barreling forward.
When the time for my Lakuro sessions arrived, hours and days too soon, I forced myself out of the water.
I got dressed slowly, my shaking and pruned fingers tripping over every button.
My feet dragged on the way to that miserable torture chamber, heart already thundering in my chest.
My feet rebelled at the doorway, and I latched onto the frame. Griffon turned at the sound of my shoes on the stone. He took one look at me and the snark I could see dancing on his tongue vanished.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
I couldn’t even force my clenched teeth open long enough to answer. He crossed the room in a few long strides and laid a steadying hand on my waist. “Take a break,” he said gently. “You haven’t made a witty comment in days. Or told me to fuck off or made a derogatory remark about my soot.”
I did manage a small smile at that.
“I know you’re too strong to break, but you don’t have to push yourself to the brink of it.”
“But I do,” I moaned. “I’m not getting any better.”
“A break might help with that.”
“No!” It came out sharper than I intended. I fidgeted with a button on his shirt. “A war is coming, Griffon. And I’m not ready for it.”
“You will be.”
“Yeah, I will.” I relinquished his clothing and forced my feet to carry me to the center of the room. “Do it.”
He sighed and relented. The dart he carried over was minuscule. But the terror it ignited in my chest damn near suffocated me.
I sank to the floor and he knelt beside me, his fingers hovering a few inches away from my skin. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known,” he said quietly. “You give me strength to keep fighting.”
His words solidified my waning fortitude. I swallowed my fear. “Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
My lips tipped up at that. “Mention the phoenixes. Quickly.”
I surged upright and sucked a wild breath into my lungs. Griffon still knelt beside me. Based on the shit-eating grin smeared across his face and the arrogance that danced in those mesmerizing eyes, I hadn’t been under for long.
“How long?” My breathing slowed quicker than normal.
His smile grew even wider and my heart stuttered. “Three minutes.”
“Fine. I admit it. The damn birds were more than sufficient, okay? You win.” The relief that pounded through me trampled my attempt to sound properly irritated.
“I do love to win,” he crooned as he tugged me to my feet. “I know you said you don’t want a break, but I insist on only one session.”
“On what grounds?”
His eyes danced with mischief. “One of the few things gargoyles adopted from human society is celebrating birthdays. We’re all born around the same time, of course, so we just pick a day to be celebrated. Today is Laney’s. Join me?”
Unease skated down my spine. “I haven’t been to a party in ages, Griffon. I don’t even know how to behave at one.”
“It’s just a few friends having dinner and basking in Laney’s existence.” I opened my mouth to decline, but he added, “Please? For me?”
I chewed on my lip. “I know I’m a gargoyle, but…I don’t really belong.” I looked at my feet. “And I don’t think many want me here.”
“You absolutely belong here,” he growled. “And anyone who disagrees can take it up with me.”
I snorted. Something told me there wouldn’t be much talking involved with that.
“Besides, you’ll insult her if you don’t come, since I already told her you’d agreed.”
“You what!”
“Go get ready. It’s in the ballroom in an hour.”
“Griffon—”
“Lydia. You’re coming to this party with me.” He took a step into me, the tips of his canines visible and a predatory glint in his eyes. “Or I will come find you and drag you there.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t make refusing sound like so much fun.” A laugh burst off my lips for the first time in days at the withering glare he shot me. “And you said it wasn’t a party.”
“I lied. Go.”
He pointed to the door and I glared at him, ready to dig my heels in out of habit.
But puffy ballgowns, pianos and violins, good food, laughter, and dancing all paraded through my skull.
Those things weren’t me—but for a day, they could be.
I hadn’t been to a party since Solstice.
I’d scarcely had fun since Solstice. Maybe it was wrong, but fun sounded… irresistible.
I backed away. “I’m going. Not because you told me to,” I clarified. “But because I actually really want to.” My nose scrunched. “I don’t have anything to wear, though.”
Far too much mischief frolicked in his eyes. “I’m sure you’ll find something.”
I narrowed my gaze on him. “Going.” I spun around and bolted, up stairs and down halls until I burst through the door of my room.
A dress was laid out on the bed and I sucked in a breath, my eyes as wide as Arawn’s moon. It was beautiful.
No. It was magnificent.