10. Tucker
Tucker
Four fucking days I’ve had Baylee under the same roof as me and it hasn’t gotten any easier.
I can hear her moving around out there and I’m still sitting on my bed trying to kill time so I can possibly avoid having to interact with her.
Yes, I agreed to have her here. But it’s fucking awkward with her in my space.
Because every time she’s around me, I long to run my hands through her hair, or fucking touch her in ways that I shouldn’t.
It was never like this between us, but now it’s just painful to be around her.
Granted, since the attack, I want to throw something across the room because that asshole hurt her and every so often, she’ll move a certain way and I’ll catch her wincing.
That guts me to my core. Fuck, how I want to rip that piece of shit to shreds.
We still haven’t gotten word that he’s been arrested.
Apparently, he’s got people in high places because he’s still walking free, as if he didn’t punch a woman in the gut and leave her behind without a care in the world.
Fucking piece of trash. But, we know that mandatory arrest will occur in this case, thanks to Connecticut law requirements .
Thankfully, he isn’t a threat to Baylee right now and we’ve made sure she doesn’t leave the house alone.
I ball my hands in front of me, my head hanging, my right leg bouncing uncontrollably as my mind wanders to that night.
I’ve never been an anxious person. But thinking about the way Baylee looked that night, the fear in her eyes as she looked up at me, simply pulls something out of me.
I can’t help but wonder how things turned out this way and it keeps me awake at night.
I should’ve done more, I knew something was wrong.
I let my friendship with Rios guide me into ignoring the signs.
I didn’t listen to my gut, and I let life lead her in the direction of some creep instead.
“Argh,” I grunt and stand. I’m fucking frustrated at myself and at life. It’s unfair. I’m watching my mom go through treatment and now I’m watching Baylee go through something she shouldn’t have to deal with.
I pace the space of my room, feeling like the walls are caving in and this feeling is so unfamiliar.
How the fuck did this all happen in such a short amount of time?
She was supposed to go off and figure things out with someone better than me.
Life was supposed to be better to her. That’s why I let things go between us.
Instead, I let her walk into the hands of a monster.
“Tucker, are you okay?” Baylee knocks softly on the door, worry etched in her tone.
“Yeah, sorry, I can’t find my favorite pair of socks.” I roll my eyes at the stupidity of my comment.
What the fuck? Socks?
“Um, okay? Well, I made some coffee if you want some. I’m headed out. I have orientation today,” she says. She sounds a bit hesitant.
“Do you need a ride? I’m headed to my mom’s so I can drop you off on the way,” I tell her. I forgot to ask her if she had someone taking her to campus today. We hadn’t quite coordinated how things would work out once her classes started.
“Oh, uh, sure,” she says. I really hate how hesitant she is all the time now.
This isn’t the Baylee I know. She was always so independent, even though she was the youngest of the Rios kids.
Now there’s a reluctance to her tone when she talks to me.
Like she’s treading carefully. How long has she been dealing with demeaning retorts from the person by her side?
I take a deep breath and walk to my door. When I swing the door open, Baylee stands there, her eyes going wide.
“You find your socks?” She looks down at my shoes.
“Yep.” I’ve been dressed for an hour.
“Great.” She clearly sees right through my lie.
I walk straight for the coffee maker, knowing I’ll be aching for caffeine on a day like this after my sleepless night.
I fill up my to-go mug, and we grab our things and head to my truck. Once inside, Baylee starts messing with the music. She connects the Bluetooth to her phone and the minute the music starts, she sits back and I can feel her eyes on me.
“Just spit it out, Bay.” I grab my aviators then look over my shoulder and pull out into traffic.
“I just want to make sure I’m not interfering on your time in case you need to get some smut reading in,” she says very seriously, before she fully lets out a laugh.
“Motherfucker,” I say under my breath. “How long have you been holding that in?”
“Let’s see”—she starts counting out on her fingers—“four days.”
She looks mighty proud. This interaction is the first since the attack where I see the old pieces of Baylee coming through. She’s busting my balls just like she used to, and I honestly don’t mind. But I won’t tell her that, I’ll let her think it bothers me .
“Okay, let me have it. Go ahead, ask me what you need to ask.” I keep my eyes on the road.
“Obviously, I need to know when this started? I mean, come on Tucker, you don’t come off as the smutty romance reader type,” she explains.
“That’s a bit judgy.” I sneak a glance over.
“You needing to find a way to connect to the ladies?” She pouts.
“I have no problem in that department, thank you very much.” I cough, making this conversation a bit uncomfortable.
“Okay, then what is it?” she pushes.
“Fine, I’m in a book club, alright?”
“What? Are you joking? Is it at the firehouse?” She laughs.
“No, it’s with my friends Abby and Kennedy,” I tell her.
“Hold on, didn’t you go on a date with Abby? Isn’t she with Clay? So, what? Now you’re friends with someone you dated? And she’s with one of the guys you work with? What a weird love triangle.” She scrunches her nose.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I wave my hand at her. “It’s definitely not a love triangle. That would be weird.” I shiver. “Abby and I were never romantic. Gross.”
“I think she’d be offended if you referred to her as gross.” She looks at me like I’m a chauvinistic pig.
“Um, no she wouldn’t, I can promise you that.
There was never anything romantic between us.
She and I never saw one another like that.
That date was sort of fake. From the second it started we were instant friends, and the rest is history.
We connected with a deep-seated interest in reality-dating shows and now we have a smutty book club.
Plus, I love her daughter. She’s one of my best friends.
Kennedy still scares me more than anything, but she’s growing on me.
Clay and River have become great people in my life.
I’ve formed a little family around me outside of my actual family.
It’s become an incredible support for me.
” I can’t help the smile that forms as I talk about the new part of my life I’ve built in the last year.
Silence falls over us and once I reach a traffic light, I look over to find Baylee staring at me.
“What?” I feel uncomfortable with her gaze on me.
“So, that date—it wasn’t anything?” she asks.
“No, it wasn’t anything. It was just two friends going out,” I explain.
“I see.” Her face goes to stone and she moves her body forward and any lightness we had built feels like ice.
“Bay, did I say something to offend you?” I ask her.
“It’s green,” she answers.
“Huh?” I ask in confusion.
The car behind me blares its horn and it’s then I realize the light has changed to green.
I start to move through traffic again.
“Baylee, what did I say to upset you?” I ask again.
“I texted you,” she says, just above a whisper.
“What’s that?” I heard her, but I don’t know what to say, so I need to buy time. I’m being a chickenshit.
We arrive at the university and she points to where she’d like to be dropped off.
“I can get you closer if you’d like,” I tell her.
“No, I want to get out.” She doesn’t even look at me.
“Baylee, look at me.” I stop the car at the loading zone.
“Tucker, listen, I appreciate what you’re doing for me.
But”—she takes a deep breath—“I texted you for months. I thought you didn’t respond because you had something going on with Abby.
I... um... I just feel stupid right now.
I just... forget it. I appreciate the ride. I’ll see you at your apartment.”
She doesn’t wait for my response and slams the door.
Fuck. The thing is, Baylee has no idea how I felt about her.
How I feel about her. That day in her parents’ house, I almost said something, but Rios walked in and everything changed.
I started to feel this attraction between us rise and I never got to act on it.
He doused a dose of reality on it and then she ran off and I focused on my friendship with Rios.
That’s what these last few months have been about for me.
Then my mom got sick and that’s been my only thought lately.
When Baylee started dating Myles, I thought her life was headed in a different direction.
I never imagined she was in an abusive relationship.
This path is more fucked up than I imagined.
How have things gotten this messed up? I honestly thought I was doing the right thing last year by accepting that date with Abby and letting Baylee go.
That’s the thing, we don’t have a Magic 8 ball to help us figure out if one simple decision will lead us in the right direction.
My one decision led us down a path of destruction for her.
She texted me for months and I left her unanswered because I feared what that would do to my friendship with Rios.
The common denominator here has always been her brother.
Everything changed a few nights ago though. Rios has been giving me the silent treatment and I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. I choose Baylee now and it’s freeing. I know having her living with me is the right decision.