15. Tucker #2
I make it home after Baylee has left for her morning study session. I can’t help the disappointment that washes over me as I walk through my apartment. She hasn’t been here long, but I’m already used to her presence in every part of my space.
I make my way through, putting my things down on the couch.
My mom doesn’t have an appointment today, so I use the extra time to plan out the date for Baylee while she’s out of the apartment.
I have something in mind, but there are a few things I need to get figured out.
I pull out my laptop and sit on the couch with the sports highlights in the background.
Soon I’m lost on a website with a few options in front of me, when my brother’s name highlights my phone.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” I ask when I pick up.
“Not much. It’s been a while. I thought I’d call to see how things are going. Sorry, we’ve been playing phone tag; I’ve been swamped at work.”
“I understand. There hasn’t been much to update you on from the last time we texted,” I tell him.
“Yeah, I just feel bad.” He sighs through the phone. I know the distance is weighing on him.
When mom was first diagnosed, he was torn and wanted to relocate back to Boston. His fiancée is from Ohio and after many conversations, he finally decided to stay back to continue his plans there. I promised him he was fine where he was and that if anything changed, I would call immediately.
“Ma’s been doing well so far. She’s in good spirits, even with all her treatments,” I assure him.
“Yeah, she said as much when I talked to her this morning,” he says. He still sounds unsure.
“What’s weighing on you?” I put my computer to the side and take my phone off speaker and bring it to my ear.
“It’s hard, man. This distance is more stressful than I imagined. I didn’t expect to have her sick, I guess. I thought we’d have more time to tackle this stage, you know?” He sighs.
“I know.” It’s the only response I can muster.
“I feel like my mind is on my wedding, but it’s also sort of mourning parts of my life that I won’t get with her,” he chokes out. “What if she’s not here when we have kids?”
Fuck. I haven’t let my mind wander that far ahead.
“Eric, you can’t think like that. Right now, our focus is to see her participating in our lives. We live our lives in the present. She’s here for us today and we focus on that.”
“You’re right, Tuck. It’s hard though. My mind just can’t help it.”
Eric has always been a worrier. He’s a planner and it’s hard for him to stop that brain of his moving a hundred miles an hour.
I get it, he wants to plan his life and envisioning a life where our mother isn’t there is hard.
If I let myself go there, though, it’ll cripple me.
So, I’ll keep him grounded, at least until I feel like we need to worry about it.
“Listen, if I feel like things are getting bad, you’ll get a call from me, okay?” I assure him.
“I know I will. I love you, little brother,” he tells me.
“I’m taller than you, remember?” I laugh.
“By half an inch, you shit,” he scolds.
“The ladies say size matters.”
“Such an asshole.” He scoffs. “Please let me know if you need anything. I’m here if you need me. I promise I’ll drop everything, Brit and I will be there anytime.”
I really love my soon-to-be sister-in-law.
Her family is loud and welcoming and everything I’ve ever wanted for Eric.
They’ve welcomed not only him, but my mother and I as well.
Anytime we visit they’re quick to pull us in for a hug and I’m grateful for the instant family they’ve been for all of us.
I know he’s got the support there, navigating all this while our mom is going through her illness.
“I know, I love you, man,” I tell him. “And I got my tux fitting scheduled. I hope I don’t look better than you up at the altar.” I laugh into the phone.
My brother and I are spitting images of each other, however, I have my mother’s green eyes, whereas he has my father’s blue ones.
I don’t remember my dad, but I’ve seen a few photos my mom has in boxes.
He wasn’t around long enough for me to form memories with him, not that I care to know the guy. We did fine without him .
“You bringing a date?” he pushes for some information from me.
“I guess leave a plus one open, and see if I surprise you.”
“Oh, that’s promising,” he answers with a little excitement in his tone. “Care to elaborate on this mystery lady?”
“Simmer down over there. I’m not saying anything to you because I know all too well you’ll go off and tattle to mom. Last time I went on a date, you and Brit went off and told mom, and it was one date. No way am I saying anything this time.”
I would rather not say too much before even going on a date. This is too new with Baylee, although after that kiss we shared, I’m hoping she’ll come along with me. She already knows my brother and her parents are going to be at the wedding.
“Okay, I won’t torture you, but I expect to hear more before the big day if you bring someone,” he says firmly.
“Yeah, yeah,” I tell him. “Give my love to Brittany.”
“Will do. Let me know how mom’s next appointment goes.”
“Of course. Don’t work too hard,” I tell him.
“I’ll try not to,” he says, even though I know he’ll likely work over twelve hours today alone.
I hang up and my thoughts gravitate to my brother’s words about my mother missing out on big events in the future.
I really am the type of person that focuses on the now.
I try to stay positive, but it’s hard not to linger on Eric’s concerns over everything my mom will miss out on if this cancer takes over her body.
I feel an ache in my chest as the pain of her illness consumes me.
I shove my fears aside, and pull my computer back onto my lap to get the rest of the date prepped for me and Baylee. Once I feel confident she’ll love what I have in mind, I check the time and realize she’ll be back soon from her study session. I want to make sure I’m ready before she gets home .
She’s not into all the glitz and glamour, but making tonight special is something I want to do for our first date. Obviously, I need to step it up compared to what I did for Abby. I gained a best friend in Abby, but tonight is different.
I want forever with Baylee—my forever friend, my forever date, my forever everything .