24. Tucker
Tucker
The relief I feel now that Baylee can start to live a life without that monster walking the streets is freeing. I was livid when she told me he watched her on campus at least once. Add that to the fact he followed her into the bathroom at the courthouse, I can feel my blood boiling.
It’s been a few days since she returned from Connecticut and we’re having our gathering at Clay and Abby’s tonight for the season finale of Love and Lost .
Unfortunately, I lost the battle of hosting.
To no one’s surprise, I’m fully invested as everyone predicted; I could do without Baylee’s smug smile as we walk into Clay’s apartment.
“What’s the rush, Malloy?” Clay says as he moves out of my way so I can get inside.
“It’s going to start,” I say, making my way to the kitchen to set down the bags of chips and dip we brought.
“If I have to hear about how slow my legs are one more time, I’m going to lose it,” Baylee says behind me.
“Bay, I told you, it’s tradition—we have to be in our seats and ready by the time the show starts. We talk shit from the first scene to the last.” I walk over to her and kiss her cheek.
“What’s the appeal of this show?” she asks .
“It’s addictive. What more could you need?” Kennedy answers for me as she picks her spot on the couch and throws a blanket over her legs.
“I’m excited, even though I’ve barely watched this season,” Samara says. “I will say it looks like a hot mess. I did watch that episode they brought the drama by bringing ex-girlfriends into the mix and things got ugly.”
“Sam, that’s the whole point,” Kennedy points out.
“What do you want from me? My life is chaotic enough as is. I have twins. I live in a state of constant drama.” She gives her best friend a pointed stare.
Samara is a close friend of Kennedy and Abby’s, but I’ve gotten to know her more throughout the last year. She’s married to Ashton. They are parents to nearly-one-year-old boy-girl twins. Her husband stayed home so she could have a night off and she’s loving life right now with the break here.
Abby comes out of the hallway with Ella in her arms; the baby is babbling and flapping her arms. She looks bigger than the last time I saw her, and she’s got the cutest little dimples.
“Who’s the prettiest baby?” I say as I bring my arms out to take her from Abby.
She lets me take her and I pull her close as she snuggles her sweet face into my chest. I know how much she loves when I put her up high and pretend she’s an airplane. She giggles and smiles as I glide her through the air.
Once I bring her back to my chest, I blow raspberries to her cheek and she squeals in delight, probably from the tickle of my beard against her skin.
“Malloy, it’s starting!” Abs grabs my attention and I move over to the couch with Ella in my arms.
Once we’re on the couch, I make sure the baby is comfortable with me. I start explaining who everyone is on the screen and she’s just as captivated as I am.
“Oh, Ella, you see, Trina has to be the one that gets picked or we’re going to be so upset,” I say as I pop a popcorn kernel into my mouth.
She’s more enthralled by the food than the people on the screen.
She keeps trying to grab the bucket of snacks, but Abby is pushing toys in hopes they’re more exciting. Sadly, it’s not working.
“Here, baby girl, try this toy.” Abby hands her a teether that finally does the trick.
“Oh, I think this is the one he’s going to pick,” Kennedy announces, pointing at the TV screen.
“You think Lonni’s going to get picked over Trina? No way!” I declare.
“Remind me what’s happening with this guy to the right?” Samara asks. She’s completely lost.
“Bullshit, Malloy,” Kennedy fires back.
“Twenty bucks, I’m right.” I pull my wallet out and throw cash on the table.
“You’re on.” Kennedy does the same.
“I still don’t get this show,” Clay says from the kitchen.
“None of this makes sense. It’s dumb,” Baylee finally says.
“Shhh,” the four of us say from the couch.
“Your negativity isn’t welcome here,” Abby says over her shoulder.
“Such a touchy group.” Clay laughs, and Baylee joins as they continue their little party of two in the kitchen.
I smile because it’s comical how serious we are about our reality television. I love it even more that Baylee has blended into my friend group so seamlessly.
We’re missing Marissa and River tonight, who I consider to be the crazier ones in our unit. River is running errands with his mom and Marissa has to work on a case. She’s a hotshot attorney in Los Angeles and this new case is taking up a ton of her time.
The night continues on and the finale is sort of lackluster if I’m being honest.
I get up and stretch. “I hate to admit it, but that was beyond lame,” I announce to the group .
“I know! This finale was missing something,” Kennedy says. “I can’t believe he chose Trina.” She’s just pouting because I won the bet.
“Don’t be a sore loser,” I tell her.
“Don’t be a dick,” she shoots back.
Clay’s phone chimes. “Hey, Malloy, you think you could run over to my mom’s with me? River needs help moving some furniture. It’s late but she’s expecting that new couch early tomorrow and she needs help beforehand.”
I look over at Baylee.
“Yeah, go ahead. I can catch a ride home,” she says.
“You can hang out with us a bit,” Abby says, pointing at Kennedy and Samara. “These two are staying here until River’s done and we were going to open a bottle of wine and hang out. This one”—she holds out a sleeping Ella in her arms—“will be going in her crib.”
“You sure?” Baylee asks.
“Of course. You’re one of us now.” Kennedy winks.
“You sure you don’t mind if I head over there and come back over when I’m done?” I ask her, bending down to whisper into her ear.
“Yes, I think I can survive apart from you for a little while,” she says.
I pull back and look into her eyes. “I promise to make it up to you,” I say quietly as I push the stray hair away from her face. I lean in again and whisper into her ear so only she can hear me, “Maybe between your legs.” I bite her earlobe for extra effect and hear her intake of breath.
I chuckle as I pull away.
“Oh my gosh, go already,” Abby says, rolling her eyes. “I can only imagine what you’re whispering to her.”
“Don’t be jealous that you and Clay aren’t in the early stages anymore.” I stick my tongue out at her.
“She isn’t jealous, asshole.” Clay moves toward his fiancée and kisses her. “Love you, baby,” he says as we head out the door.
Once we leave the apartment, we head to the car and Clay is giving me a look that makes me uncomfortable. Finally, I can’t take it anymore and break the silence.
“What, man?” I say as we descend in the elevator.
“You really love her, don’t you?” he asks me.
“Yes,” I say as I pull my phone out.
“I mean, you see forever with her,” he says as a statement and not a question.
“Yeah, I would say so,” I say confidently.
“Wow, that’s big. I mean, she’s young,” he says as the doors open and we walk out.
“She is,” I admit.
“What does she think?” he asks me, looking over at me.
“We haven’t had a conversation about the future really.”
“Don’t you think you should?” he asks me, surprise etching his features.
“Well, it’s not like I’m asking her to have my babies.”
“Okay, sure, but don’t you want to know where she stands? Isn’t she like a decade younger than you?” he asks as he opens his driver door.
Once we’re both in the car and buckled, he starts driving and continues the conversation.
“Yeah, she’s twenty-two... almost twenty-three, actually. I’m thirty-two. But age is just a number at this point, no?”
“Hey, I’m not judging. I promise. I’m just talking this through with you.”
“I know, man. I just don’t know what to say. I mean, I can’t help who I fall in love with. It’s not like I’ve looked at her since she was younger and saw this happening. It just happened in the last year, I can’t stop it now,” I admit.
“I know, but I think it warrants a discussion. She’s the age she is and has a career to build.
You’re at a different point in life. So, what if she wants to wait ten years to get married, then what?
You wait until you’re in your forties to get married?
Then you’re in your mid-forties to have kids? I’m just asking the questions.”
I sit back and allow his words to sink in. They’re valid and it’s not like I haven’t considered these things, but I’ve simply allowed her love be enough for me. Whatever comes with that, I’ll accept. I just want Baylee. Whatever I get in return, I’ll take.
“Honestly, man, I love her. She’s the reward, and the gifts I get with her love are just extra little bonuses that I’ll take along the way,” I say, a small smile taking over my features.
“I like that. Little bonuses. I might have to steal that, man.” He chuckles.
“No, don’t. I sort of like it. I’ll have to use it on a card, or something.” I laugh.
He smiles and turns on the radio. I meant everything I said, because I feel peace with Baylee in my life. She brings me all the best parts of life I never thought I needed to make me whole. So, whatever she wants to bring me to add color to the already vibrant life I see with her, I’ll accept.
Baylee
“So, we’re dying to know… how are things with Malloy?” Abby asks.
I sip my wine and smile. “They’re really good. Tucker is perfect.” I can’t help the flutter in my chest over how much joy I feel that he’s really mine in this way.
“What she really means is how’s the sex? Let’s be real, he looks like a beast,” Kennedy says, and I nearly spit my wine out .
“Kennedy!” Abby looks over at her friend. Then she swings her gaze to me. “That’s not what I meant at all!”
“Don’t mind, Kennedy. She has no filter,” Samara says, “she’s just like that.”
“I won’t apologize for asking the question no one else will,” Kennedy says.
“Actually, I would totally ask that question,” Marissa says through the phone.
I look down, having completely forgotten she called in shortly after the guys left. She was bummed to have missed the show.
“Hi, Baylee, I know you don’t know me well, but I have no problem asking that question,” Marissa clarifies.
“It’s true. She’s super invasive,” Abby confirms.
I look over at Samara. “Don’t look at me. I barely know you, I wouldn’t ask you. I couldn’t even confront my aunt about a dick purse at my wedding.”
“Huh?” I look at Kennedy. Now I’m really lost.
“It’s a long story. We don’t have time for that right now. Let’s stay focused.” She grabs my hands. “Baylee, I adore my fiancé, alright? But let’s be real. Your boyfriend—he’s gigantic. Like he should be living in a forest with an ax or something. He must be proportional, no?”
My cheeks flame.
Kennedy stands from her seat and points at me. “She’s blushing, Marissa,” Kennedy squeals.
“I fucking knew it!” Marissa screams through the line.
“You two are so bad. Leave her alone,” Abby says. “You don’t need to tell them anything.” Then leans in. “Even though you are super red.” She winks and that only intensifies the heat I’m feeling on my face.
If only they knew it’s not just the size I’m reacting to, but the damn piercing. I bet they have no idea he’s hiding that damn jewelry on his anaconda. I mean, no one flaunts that kind of shit on their dick. It’s so hot though .
Did someone turn on the heat in here?
“Okay, fine, don’t answer the question about how well-endowed he is,” Kennedy says, “because River wouldn’t appreciate that. But how’s the sex?”
“I’m so glad I missed the show and called for this part of the night,” Marissa says.
“You know I’m right here, right?” we hear Marissa’s girlfriend yell in the background.
“Yes, Josie, I love you!” she says. “Malloy is a big teddy bear. I just need to know if he cries after sex or something weird.”
I laugh, because I honestly can’t wait to meet Marissa in person.
“No, he doesn’t cry after sex. Gross!” I scrunch my nose. “I could never. Have you had sex with someone who cried after sex?” I look at everyone at the table.
“Well, no, but I had one guy scream ‘touchdown!’ and it was not a touchdown for me, if you catch my drift,” Kennedy says as she takes a big gulp of wine.
“That’s sad.” Abby pats her friend’s hand.
“I mean, it was a long while ago, but I had sex with a guy in high school and he was like a jackrabbit, but that might be normal in high school,” Samara shrugs.
“I mean, I’m not attracted to guys, but I don’t think you should ever think that’s normal, babe,” she says through the phone.
“I second that sentiment,” Josie yells from afar.
We all laugh and nod our agreement.
“Oh, then I guess that’s my horror story.” Samara laughs.
“Um, I appreciate you bringing me in even though I’m so much younger.” I look around.
“Hey, none of that.” Abby winks.
“Hold on, how young is young?” Marissa asks.
“I’ll be twenty-three pretty soon,” I tell her .
“Oh, please,” she laughs, “I live in LA, Baylee. That’s nothing. Josie is twenty-five.”
“I’m twenty-six!” Josie declares.
“Fuck, I’m an asshole,” Marissa whispers.
“You’re the worst,” Abby tells her.
“She loves me,” Marissa tells us, “just like you do, Abby.”
“Surprisingly, I do,” Abby says sarcastically.
“Honestly though, I do appreciate having you all to hang out with. My friend group is small after everything with Myles,” I admit.
“You mean that asshole in Connecticut? May he rot in Hell,” Marissa says.
Everyone here knows what happened. I know Tucker needed his friends to lean on and I’m glad he had so many important people around him to help navigate his feelings as he struggled. I know he had a hard time seeing me hurt, even if I thought he wasn’t suffering.
“Yeah, well, I appreciate all of you here with me. I’m readjusting to living in Boston, and I like being back.” I smile at those sitting at the table with me, even though Marissa can’t see me through the phone.
“Sometimes it’s in the time of darkness that we find our clarity. I’m sorry yours was full of pain as well. But it led you to us and we’re grateful you’re here now.” Abby grabs my hands and the rest of them put their hands on hers.
I try hard and fail to hold back the tears that form in my eyes.
When I look up, I see them looking at me with the same tears in their eyes.
I’m lucky for the crew I’m slowly building in my time here.
I have my girls back in Connecticut, but here in Boston, I’m building a new group and it’s beginning to stitch my heart back together.