Chapter 30
THIRTY
Eirabella
There’s a knock on my door much earlier than usual, and I fling it open to be greeted by the sight of Rylan standing there, his expression flat and detached. While he’s rarely just handing out smiles for free, recently there's been a warmer, softer look in his eyes. One I’d secretly imagined, and hoped, was just for me. It’s nowhere to be seen this morning. His unreadable eyes search my own veiled ones briefly, revealing nothing.
“I was just on my way to the training grounds,” I say. No need to bother with a “good morning.” He doesn’t deserve one.
Evidently, he feels the same about me as he simply says, “We’re going somewhere different today.” His tone is clipped and business-like, as if we’re nothing more than strangers discussing a matter of routine. It reminds me of those first few days on our trip to the capital.
“Where to this time?”
“Somewhere quiet, where we can focus,” he answers curtly, avoiding my gaze.
I nod, keeping my face impassive. The memory of his overheard words from yesterday afternoon—how he said I’m not someone he’d ever choose—still stings, and it takes all my willpower not to lash out at him now.
As we walk through the castle corridors, the unresolved feelings between us create a growing, invisible chasm. I can feel him watching me, his gaze occasionally flicking to my face as if he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. But I refuse to look at him, my eyes fixed straight ahead.
The path he takes, though, is unfamiliar, leading us deeper into the woods than we’ve ever gone before, and it feels like we walk forever. The trees grow denser and darker, their branches intertwining to form a canopy that blocks out the morning light. The sound of rushing water grows louder as we approach what I assume is our destination.
With each step, it’s harder for me to stay silent. The cold distance I craved yesterday has made way for a roiling fury, and I long to lash out at him. To make him share this hurt with me.
Finally, I speak, but my words are clipped, sharp. “So, what’s so special about this place?”
He glances at me, his eyes unreadable. “Waterfalls have untapped power. They are water sources at their most pure, most powerful. They can cleanse, they can erode, they can carve out entire valleys over time. If you learn to harness that power in your magic, you’ll be unstoppable.”
I fail to bite back the sarcastic retort, “So poetic. Are you secretly a bard?”
He doesn’t smile, doesn’t even attempt to lighten the mood. “Hardly. But there’s more to a waterfall than meets the eye. Just like there’s more to you than you realise. And more to me as well.”
I don’t respond. The path winds through the dense trees, and I focus on the thundering sound of water, trying to drown out the turmoil inside me. When we reach the waterfall, it’s as beautiful as I imagined it would be. The water cascades down the rocks with a force that’s both immensely powerful and mesmerising. The mist rises around us, cool and refreshing.
Rylan wastes no time, launching into the day’s lesson with the same cold efficiency that has marked the morning. Why should it be any different? He’s drawn the line in the sand, after all. It is my fault I ever thought I could cross it.
“Today, we’re focusing on syphoning power and controlling it,” he says, his voice devoid of the warmth that once made me feel at ease. “The manoeuvre I’m going to teach you involves using the waterfall as a source of power, rather than simply relying on your own reserves. You need to do that whenever you can. You’ll channel the energy of the water, but you need to control it—direct it—without letting it overwhelm you.”
I nod stiffly, listening carefully despite the storm of emotions swirling inside me.
His tone softens just a fraction when I don’t argue. “But it’s not just about pulling the energy. It’s about guiding it, shaping it into something useful, and most of all, to command it. If you lose focus, the energy will turn against you. Dangerously so.”
His words are a thinly veiled warning, and I can’t help but feel a pang of resentment. He doesn’t trust me to handle this, doesn’t believe I’m capable. But I’m determined to prove him wrong.
I step closer to the waterfall, feeling the raw power of the rushing water. I close my eyes and concentrate, reaching out with my magic to feel the energy of the waterfall. Unlike the quiet, calm lake I envision in my mind’s eye when I’m first trying to access my magic, this power is immense. It’s like trying to hold a raging river in my hands. Carefully, I start to pull at the edges, drawing the power into myself.
At first, it feels like I’ve got it.
The water responds to my command, swirling high in a funnel in the air in a controlled current. I open my eyes, glancing at Rylan for approval, but the memory of last night—his accusations of my coldness—comes crashing back.
For a moment, it had seemed like he was… hurt? But he can’t have been. What did he have to be hurt about? What right? The thought flits through my mind, and in that moment of doubt, my concentration slips and the control I had over the water falters. The currents surge out of my grasp, and I try to pull it back, but it’s too late—the water turns wild, breaking from its controlled formation, crashing toward me with a force that takes my breath away.
“Watch out!” Rylan’s voice cuts through the chaos, and suddenly he’s there, pulling me behind him, throwing out an ice shield, blocking the cascade of water rushing toward me.
My heart races, and I’m breathing hard, the realisation of how close I came to serious harm sending a shock of adrenaline through me. Rylan’s hands are tight on my arms, holding me steady, but when I look up at him, his expression is furious.
“What the hell was that? I told you to be vigilant with your control!” he snaps, his eyes blazing with anger. “You’re better than this! Gods, you’re so reckless sometimes!”
His words hit me like a physical blow, the reminder of him saying the same thing about me to Mathis. The anger I’ve been holding back since last night bubbles over, and I can’t keep it in any longer.
“I got distracted!” I yell.
“By what? ”
“Thinking about my mentor’s cold, unfeeli—”
“Cold?” Rylan interrupts, his voice rising with frustration. “ I’m the cold one? You’re the one who has completely shut me out since yesterday, and I don’t understand why!”
I blink, the hurt inside me flaring into anger. How can he be so utterly clueless? “Your memory seems to be failing you. Do I really need to explain again why to you, Your Highness? ” I throw his title at him like an accusation, a dagger aimed straight at his chest.
Rylan’s eyes flash with a mix of anger and confusion, the walls around him crumbling for the briefest moment. “What about what you said about not choosing me either? Go on, disciple, I would love to hear your reasons. I want to hear just what makes me so despicable to you.”
“Fine!” I spit out, my voice trembling as the weight of my words crashes over me. “You’re controlling, you think you always know best, you’re cold one minute and then searing hot the next. No one ever knows where they stand with you. You buy flowers from an elderly florist and cut down a band of bandits with the same cold expression on your face. If I hadn’t tried to run away, you’d probably still be shouting at me as your foolproof method of ‘training’—but then you find your patience and manage to unlock my magic.” I drag in a ragged breath, fighting the storm threatening to drown me.
“Sometimes I wonder if you care too much or not enough, and it drives me completely insane trying to figure you out. I know you care about your people, I know it! But then you treat everyone like pawns on your chessboard, sacrificing them to your own ends! You kidnapped me from my village like I wasn’t someone who had my own life! I had people who cared about me and whom I cared for! And never once, not once have you apologised for it. While I lie awake at night, wondering if they’re even still alive, you probably haven’t lost a moment’s thought about what’s important to me.” I shake my head, tears threatening to break through. “But then you give Brienne back to me, as if you understand me after all. Who are you, Rylan? Who is the person behind all this pretence? It’s so frustrating knowing that I’ll never truly understand you.”
His expression softens from anger to something raw, vulnerable. For a heartbeat, I think he might apologise. But instead, he clenches his jaw, his voice thick with restraint. “Everything I do, I do for the good of the realm.”
The tension snaps like a taut string, sending us spiralling. “Oh, well then I guess that makes it perfectly acceptable!” I bite out, my voice thick with sarcasm and pain. “Who cares about what an actual person living in your realm wanted for her own life!”
Rylan’s face hardens, but the anger in his eyes is tinged with something deeper—something close to desperation. “That is not what I meant. I have to make difficult decisions! You think I wanted to take you from your home? You think I wanted to be responsible for you? I did what I had to do! And you talk about secrets—what about the one you’ve been keeping from me?”
“What secret? I’ve answered every question you’ve ever asked me!” The accusation strikes me like a slap.
“Fine. Then tell me about the deal you made with my father.”
My heart stops. “I already told you about that. My friends...”
He steps closer, grabbing the back of my neck, tilting my face up to his, eyes blazing with unbridled emotion. “Not that deal. The deal about me .”
I gasp, my breath catching in my throat. “How… how do you know about that? ”
“You’re not denying it?” His voice is a whisper, sharp as a blade.
“I asked you, how do you know?”
He releases me, taking a step back, the space between us suddenly an abyss. “He told me.”
“Well, he shouldn’t have. That was between him and me.”
“So it’s true?” His voice cracks, and for the first time, I see the man behind the cold exterior—hurt, raw, and breaking.
I throw my hands up. “Yes, it’s fucking true!”
He staggers back as if the words are a physical blow. The silence between us is suffocating.
“You lied to me?” he finally asks, voice deep and strained. “You talk about me keeping secrets, and yet, you’re the one who lied.”
Acid fills my veins at the accusation. “I didn’t lie, you arsehole. I just didn’t tell you the whole story. You should know what that’s like!” I turn away, my vision blurring, needing to escape this suffocating confrontation.
“Eirabella, wait—” His voice breaks, desperate. It’s the first time he’s said my name since last night, and it stops me cold. Before I can react, his hand closes around my arm, spinning me back to face him. He presses me against the nearest tree, his body close, too close. His scent, the warmth radiating from him, surrounds me, and I can’t breathe.
We’re both panting, our faces inches apart, the world around us falling away, leaving just us and this unbearable tension.
“What did you do? Exactly. The deal you made with my father.” His voice is softer now, rough and raw.
I grimace, my chest tightening. There’s no point in hiding it now. “I told him that I would agree to train to be Aquilith, and if I was successful, he was to give you what you wanted, no more hoops, no more conditions. ”
He blinks, the disbelief written across his face. “Why did you… why did you do that?”
I drag in a shuddering breath. “Remember in the woods, the day we were heading into the capital? I told you that you didn’t know what it’s like to not have control over your life. I realised that day in the throne room, when you were talking to your father, that maybe you did know. So I guess I had a moment of misguided compassion for you and thought if one of us could have some semblance of control over our lives, then you deserved that.”
He stares at me, the amber flecks in his eyes flickering like roaring flames. “I… I can’t believe you did that.”
“Why?”
“Because… no one has ever cared about what I wanted, what I needed… ever . Let alone a complete stranger.” His voice cracks, and he shakes his head as if trying to piece together the puzzle that is me. “I can’t believe… that you did that.” He cups my cheek, so gently I think I’m only imagining his palm touching my skin. “Who are you, Eirabella Kaye? How did you become like this?”
“Like what?”
“Like… this . Care about someone who stole you from your home without a word of explanation. Changed the entire trajectory of your life.”
“You don’t have to know someone to care about their happiness, Rylan. That’s not what..being kind, means.” The words are soft, vulnerable. But then, the hurt claws its way back up, and I add, “But if I’d known that he couldn’t have cared less about me, felt anything for me, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
Those amber flecks flash blue, then white-hot as he leans in, his hands bracketing my head against the rough bark. His breath ghosts over my skin, and every nerve in my body comes alive .
“Eira, how can you possibly think I don’t feel anything for you?” His voice comes out in a broken rasp. “He leans closer, his lips brushing, ghostlike, against the shell of my ear. Every inch of my skin suddenly feels like it’s on alert, aching for more of his touch. “Does this feel like there’s nothing between us?” One finger comes down to trace the curve of my cheek, sending shivers through me. “You think I haven’t been fighting this... fighting us since the moment I laid eyes on you?”
The air between us feels tight with anticipation, every breath, every heartbeat thrumming with suspense. My gaze flickers to his lips, and for the first time, I don’t think, I just give into the feel . All that exists is him, this moment, and the space between us that’s about to dissolve into the ether.
My breath catches in my throat at the intensity in his voice, the raw honesty that’s burning in his eyes.
“Rylan...” I start, but I don’t know what to say. I’m angry, confused, hurt, but beneath it all, there’s this undeniable pull between us, something I’ve been trying to ignore but can’t any longer. I push on his chest, but he grips my wrists and pins them over my head against the tree.
“I have craved you since the moment I saw you,” he admits, his voice dropping to a whisper as his eyes bore into mine. “You drive me so fucking insane. I can’t think straight when you’re around.”
Prove it, the thought is on the tip of my tongue, but instead, I ask, “Then why push me away? Why make me feel like I don’t matter?”
His grip on me tightens, his fingers digging into my skin as if he’s afraid I’ll slip away. “Because you do matter. Too much.”
“Rylan—”
But the rest of my words are swallowed by his mouth crashing down on mine. His lips are hot, fierce, and there’s no holding back now, no restraint, no second-guessing. It’s like a dam has broken, and everything we’ve been holding in—the anger, the desire, the frustration—explodes in this one kiss.
One hand moves to my waist, gripping me tightly, almost possessively, as if letting go would mean losing me forever, and that’s something he couldn’t bear. I can feel the urgency in the way he holds me, the way his body presses against mine, pinning me against the tree. It’s like he’s pouring every ounce of frustration, every unspoken word into this kiss, and I can’t help but respond with the same intensity.
I grab the front of his shirt, pulling him closer, needing him like air. His other hand tangles in my hair, tugging, not gently, but I don’t care. All I can think about is the way he feels against me, the way his lips move against mine with a hunger that leaves me dizzy. The world spins around us, but I cling to him, like he’s the only thing keeping me grounded.
The kiss deepens, all the unspoken feelings between us pouring out. There’s a hunger in the way he kisses me, like he’s been starving for this, for me, and I can’t help but feel the same.
I feel his hands sliding up my arms, then around my back, pulling me even closer until there’s barely any space between us. My own hand grasps around the back of his neck, holding his head in place, willing him to never break this soul-shattering kiss. My heart is racing, every nerve in my body on fire as we lose ourselves in the kiss.
He pulls back just enough to speak, his voice rough with emotion. “Gods, how do you do this to me?” he rasps. “How do you make me feel like this?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” I whisper, my chest heaving, still pinned against the tree, his body so close that I can feel the heat of him searing through me.
For a moment, he just stares at me, his gaze filled with so many things I can’t name—desire, anger, fear, and something deeper, something more dangerous. Then, without warning, his lips are on mine again, more desperate this time, like he can’t stand the thought of not touching me. His hands move down my sides, pulling me even closer, and I melt into him, letting the intensity of the moment consume us both.
We’re lost in the heat, the anger forgotten, replaced by a need so fierce it feels like it could burn the whole world down. And in that moment, nothing else matters. Not the words we didn’t say, not the arguments, not the pain—just the fire between us, blazing out of control.
It’s overwhelming, the intensity of it, the way his hands move from my back to cup my face, holding me like I’m something precious, something he’s terrified of losing. I can barely think, barely breathe, as our kiss grows more fervent, more desperate. It’s like all the walls between us have crumbled, leaving us exposed and vulnerable to each other.
Just as the kiss deepens and we’re both completely lost in the moment, we’re interrupted by the sound of someone approaching. We break apart, breathless, and turn to see Mathis standing a few feet away, looking serious. The guard’s presence is like a bucket of cold water thrown over us, instantly snapping us back to reality.
"Rylan, you need to come back to the castle. It’s the queen.”