49. Sky
SKY
Over the past couple of weeks, I’d been feeling more anxious than usual. I brought it up with Madeline in therapy, who suggested I tell my psychiatrist, but I really didn’t want to bump up my meds any more than I needed to.
I already hated that I had to take them, being pregnant, because I didn’t know how they were going to affect the baby when she was born, so I’d kept the feelings to myself. Tried to keep myself busy—cleaning, gaming, reading, writing.
But there was this buzzing in my mind that wouldn’t quiet, no matter how hard I tried. Was it the Alpha-Omega bond? Was I finally going off the rails?
Except it felt different. Almost like anticipation, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like my soul was waiting for something. Nerves about giving birth? My PTSD manifesting in different ways? I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t like it.
I fidgeted with a pen at the kitchen table, clicking the cap on and off. Click. Click. Click. My knee bounced beneath the table as if my leg was made of springs. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.
“Are you alright?” Adam finally asked, concern written in the worry lines on his forehead.
I glanced up mid-click. “I’m fine,” I lied.
“Are you certain? You don’t feel fine.”
I took a deep breath. “Really. I’m fine, just a little anxious, that’s all.”
Adam tilted his head. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” I admitted. “I can’t put a finger on why I’m anxious, I just am.”
“Well, sitting around inside isn’t doing you any good,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Why don’t we go along with Fletcher when he goes grocery shopping? I’m sure he would love to have the company.”
I wrinkled my nose. The idea of trudging around the grocery store didn’t sound like a great time to me, but it would be better than pacing the floors, I guess.
“Okay. Why not?” Maybe getting out of the house would do me some good. At the very least, walking would dispel some of this nervous energy.
So we went and wandered the aisles together, Adam pushing the cart with its one bum wheel while Fletcher flitted ahead, reading labels and tossing things in.
I wandered along behind, distracted. Everything seemed so much louder than usual. The squeak of the cart wheels. The echoes of people’s shoes on the waxed tile. The screech of a child several aisles over. Someone calling for help in the meat department over the intercom.
I took a deep breath, then paused. When I turned, something flashed at the corner of my vision, and my heart leapt into my throat. I spun around, but no one was there. I stood there, staring at the end of the aisle. I could’ve sworn…
No. I shook my head hard enough to nearly give myself whiplash. No, it was over. It’d been nearly two years. The past is in the past. The end. Let it go, Sky.
“Sky?” Adam called from behind me.
“Coming!” I hurried to catch up, but the seed had already taken root. I was on high alert. Every noise, I twitched and turned to look behind me. The shadows of other shoppers had me jumping.
We turned to go down an aisle, and I saw someone in white duck behind the end-cap. My heart jack hammered in my chest. Fuck… No. I refused to believe it. I backed away, right into Fletcher.
“Sky?” He grabbed onto me, steadying me. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”
“C-Can we just go?” I whispered. “Please?”
“Of course, baby,” Adam murmured. “Let’s go check out.”
We went up to the front. I clung to Adam’s side, looking behind me every few moments, but no one was there. Adam and Fletcher exchanged a worried glance. Fletcher hurriedly checked out, and we headed out to our SUV to load everything up.
I halted in my tracks, my breath puffing white. In the next row over sat a nondescript black car, idling, exhaust pluming and headlights beaming over me, bright and accusatory.
I squinted. Someone was in the driver’s seat, but I couldn’t make them out. Were they watching me? Had they followed me?
“Sky?” Adam called. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
Looking away from the strange car, I nodded mindlessly and climbed into the backseat. I rubbed my belly anxiously. Once home, I let my mates tend to me. Fletcher drew a warm bath and made me some hot cocoa, and Adam ordered takeout, but I kept my silence, no matter what they asked.
I felt like a fool.
That night, they both cuddled me to sleep, but sleep was elusive.
I lay awake for hours, and when I did finally drift off, my dreams twisted into nightmares, ones where the grocery store aisles turned into lab corridors.
I ran through them, screaming for River, running from Dr. Thompson, my bare feet slapping over cold white tile and my hospital gown trailing behind me. “PLEASE, NO! HELP! RIVER!”
I woke up screaming, in Adam’s arms, and everything came pouring out of me in torrential sobs—all of my anxiety the past few weeks, the tension in my body, how unsafe I felt, the way I’d been checking the locks before bed, the feelings of being watched.
All of them boiling down to one fear: Dr. Thompson.
“I’m scared, Adam.”
“I know, baby, but you’re going to be okay,” Adam promised me.
He smoothed my hair back and kissed my nose.
“No one is taking you from us. You’re safe, Sky.
We’ll keep you and the baby safe. I’m sure it’s just stress and pregnancy hormones.
Part of this is my fault. I haven’t claimed you yet.
I’ve been waiting for the right time, wanting it to be perfect, but now I see it will never truly be perfect.
You need me—us—and I want you to know that we are here for you.
Right now, and forever, alright?” He kissed me again, and I relaxed into him.
“Tonight, let’s just try to get some sleep. ”
I nodded and let Adam and Fletcher cuddle me back to sleep.
This time, my dreams were an endless void of echoes.