Chapter 19 Liz #2
It’s been months since the world has shown me anything truly beautiful. It feels way overdue. I’m nodding as I bawl this time.
You’re happy, Axel says. I always thought the leaking was a symptom of a system malfunction when humans were overly upset.
“Yes, it is that, usually,” I say. “But sometimes we cry when we’re happy, too.”
“So will we all be moving to Australia?” Jean asks. “Because it’s only been a few days, but so far, I hate Iceland.”
“It’s not so bad,” Norm says, but he shivers as he says it.
“People told me it was gorgeous.” Jean waves her arms around. “It looks like Sauron’s playground. With snow.”
I laugh. “Yes, I think we’re going to Australia, which I think may be where they filmed Lord of the Rings. . .”
We may travel to Australia to bond humans, Hyperion says. But we won’t leave Eyjafjallajokull until we’ve recovered the heart.
“I should probably tell you that I’ve been having some strange dreams,” I say.
Axel straightens. No. His command is stiff and made on our private channel.
“It might be because of the strange Icelandic climate.” I shrug. “Moving to Australia might be just the thing I need.” Great. Now I sound like a total idiot. I turn to glare at Axel. Why not?
Tension pulses through the bond. I miss the colors I could feel when we were entwined, but even without them, I can tell he’s serious.
He must be worried Hyperion will chuck me right back in the volcano if he knows I saw the heart and it’s a stone.
“Alright everyone, let’s talk more about Australia when we get back from saving Mom. It’s—we have less than an hour.”
“Talk about cutting it close,” Jean says.
“Whoa.” I look around. “Are you all here because—the rest of you aren’t coming.”
“We are,” Norm says. “I’ve met your mom.”
“This is extremely likely to be a trap,” I say. “Think about it. They know you’ll want to save the blessed they’ve been torturing, and they have to guess I’ll come for my mom. They know now that Azar didn’t die, and they saw us recruiting humans.”
“Isn’t that more reason you might want people you can trust to come along?” Norm asks.
“Don’t deny us our first quest,” Jean says. “Please.”
I grit my teeth, but they’re right. They aren’t my siblings. Every dragon going is already risking their life—I can’t expect all the humans to stay home, safe, while the dragons take every risk. “Fine.”
As Hyperion’s talking to them about the details of our plan, I pull Axel aside. We didn’t have much time to talk. My dreams—if they’re real, and they feel real—the heartstone turned Freja the vanir into the same Freya that I met in that volcano—a human.
And could she shift back again?
I’m not sure, I say. I mean—I just don’t know.
Was she like the earth blessed, perhaps?
I shrug. When I woke up from my dream, she was still stuck as a human. She didn’t seem able to shift. In the volcano, I’ve never seen her shift either.
My father would never have married a human, so it can’t be my mother if she can’t shift into a blessed form. He frowns. For now, let’s keep this between us.
The private channel’s so tiring. Fine.
But Liz, this is precisely the sort of thing you can’t tell Hyperion. He’s too hasty. We need more information before we do anything about it. He’d try to—
Throw me into the volcano again?
Axel’s going to need dragon botox if he’s not careful.
If Freya still has the heart and we recover it, we might be able to restore the earth dragons’ ability to shift. Or maybe that’s just my delusional hope.
I never really understood its benefit.
Of course he doesn’t. You liked it well enough before you forgot me. I can’t help my smile. I imagine you’d appreciate it again.
Why don’t I remember? You know, don’t you.
I could lie. I should lie. Hyperion’s trying to get my attention. They’re ready to go. My mom could die if I delay. But this feels just like that moment in every movie where they don’t tell the big secret, and it always comes back to bite them.
I do know, I confess. When you died, when Azar died, I amend, you could have released your bond to me—your memories, all of it—and you’d have survived. It was your refusal to give up on me, on us, that killed you. When I escaped from the humans and returned, only Axel was alive.
He doesn’t get it. He looks totally confused.
I was with the humans—Gideon killed me and brought me back to break our bond. When I escaped and returned, you bonded me again—just Axel. Azar was dead, and it was all my fault.
Emotions are flying across Axel’s face so fast that I can’t make them out, even with the bond helping.
Hyperion showed up the second I returned and insisted on dragging me back to the volcano.
To try and keep me safe, you told Hyperion your secret, that you were Axel.
You begged him not to throw me into the volcano, but he did it anyway.
And while I was in there, you and Gordon and Rufus were being tortured—the vanir demons or whatever those creatures are—were feeding on you.
Freya gave me the chance to set things right.
What does that mean? He’s catching on. Set things right how?
She gave me the choice to restore your flame blessed form. . .and eliminate your memories of all our time together. Or you could stay as Axel and retain those memories.
You said I had already been given that choice. I chose to keep them.
It’s so hard explaining what I did. I—it was my fault Azar died.
Memories of me are why you died, and memories of me are the reason you exposed your earth dragon secret.
It was all my fault, all the damage you’d suffered, and suddenly I had a chance to make it all right.
The only one who would suffer was me—you wouldn’t even remember what you’d lost.
He’s straightening beside me, his eyes hardening. You’ve been fighting with Hyperion all week because you don’t want anyone bonding a human without their consent. You’ve been entirely insistent that it has to be their choice.
I know. He’s right. I can’t even argue.
And you’re telling me that you took my choice away.
That’s what I’m saying, yes. My breath catches. I’m sorry.
You wouldn’t do it again, if you had a chance to repeat that decision?
No. I shake my head. I’d probably do it again. I reach for him.
But he backs away, his eyes hurt, his nostrils flaring.
It was hard, but I did it for you.
I had chosen. He narrows his eyes. You said I chose to live with the weakness. Did you restore me because you only liked me when I was flame blessed? As an earth blessed, I was too weak for you? He looks like at least that, he would understand.
I shake my head. “No, that wasn’t it.”
Do not tell me it was for me again. It wasn’t.
“It was,” I insist.
I made my choice—you mattered more to me than my power.
He leans closer, his eyes on mine. In my entire life, I have never chosen anything but more power.
It’s all the blessed value. It’s all that matters.
If I chose to give up all my power for you—you should have known what that meant. If you knew me at all, you knew.
“I couldn’t be responsible for that loss,” I say. “It’s because I knew what it meant that I did what I did.”
And you hoped to restore my memories if possible.
“Yes.” I nod. “See? You get it.”
He shakes his head. No, you’re the one who doesn’t get it. You should have loved me, trusted me enough to let me lose what I valued less. Power. Position. We could have tried to regain my power, but you didn’t honor my choice.
He’s right.
It was his pain, his vulnerability. His memories.
I was wrong.
Power to endure. I chose it the first time, but then I reversed my position later. I’m sorry, I say.
Axel shifts into Azar in that moment, glances at me sideways, and then makes a portal. I’ll be saving the blessed. He tosses his head at me. Hyperion will take Elizabeth Chadwick to save her mother. Thanks to our new bond, we can communicate across the seventy miles separating them. How convenient.
Without another word, he flies into the hole and is gone.
Hyperion sets down next to me. Something wrong?
I’m leaking again. Stupid human tears. I swipe them away. “I think he finally gets what I did, trading Azar for his memories.”
For what it’s worth, I’m grateful to you. I think you made the right decision. Strength is always better than weakness.
Spoken like the strongest being on earth.
You’re bonded again. It’s been hard, but it was the right decision. He’ll get over it eventually.
I’m not sure he will.
We’re nothing like we were, but the one thing I have going for me is that Azar still doesn’t remember what he lost. Hopefully that’ll make it sting less.