Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Emmett
Every time I come down these stairs, it’s like walking into a Hallmark made-for-TV movie, and tonight is no different.
Rowan stands in the kitchen, plating desserts that she’s spent the last two hours making, setting them up between the pizzas, wings and salads laid out on the counter.
Dad is chatting with her with Sarah strapped to his body via some stretchy scarf-looking thing, bouncing in place while he pats her on the back.
Macie is setting out stacks of plates and cups so that we can all eat buffet-style.
“You guys could have woken me up,” I tell them, scratching at my chest. “I can help.”
“Yes!” Rowan shouts. “The madelines need to come out of the oven in two minutes and Macie needs you, specifically, to help her pick out games.”
“Only me, huh?”
“I tried, and I was immediately vetoed,” Dad shrugs.
Macie turns to me with a roll of her eyes, because she’s eight going on fifteen and has the attitude to match. “He wanted to get regular cards.”
“A crime!” I shout, throwing my arms out at my sides.
After I pull the cakes from the oven, I trail after Macie to the hall closet which holds the same beaten-down box that I visited before, and I hoist her onto my shoulders so she can pick out a stack of games.
She takes her time, thinking out loud as she builds her pile, and I swear I can feel that box staring at me.
She throws a deck of ‘regular’ playing cards onto the pile to humor Dad, and I bring her down from my shoulders before heading back toward the kitchen.
“He’s good, Colt,” I hear Rowan say, trying to keep her voice down. “I think it really was just a nap.”
I stop mid-step, perching behind the wall while they talk – about me.
I’m eavesdropping on my dad and his wife.
In their house.
Christ, this is creepy. And childish. I’m a grown-ass man, for crying out loud.
“I worry about him, baby.” A heavy sigh leaves him. “When he’s not good…”
“Oh my god.”
“What?”
“I think I just watched you sprout a new grey hair in real time.”
He lets out a laugh, telling her, “You are being a—”
“No, I’m serious, look.”
“Ow!” He laughs again as she, I’m pretty sure, plucks a hair from his head.
I decide to head out to the living room instead, letting them finish their conversation in private, and I settle onto the couch while Mace stacks the game choices in her personal order of best to worst. We’re joined by Dad and Rowan a few minutes later, Dad carefully setting Sarah onto the floor before settling into the big chair with Ro.
The two of them couldn’t be more stuck to each other if their skeletons were welded together.
Uncle Davis’s arrival is announced by Macie squealing as she runs toward him, scolding him for being a whole fifteen minutes late.
When Davis walks toward us with his, as Rowan describes her, ‘pocket-sized girlfriend,’ my mouth goes dry. I know this woman. I had my hands all over her in Nash’s club; I was ready to fuck her on the security feed for a spectacle.
“This is my…Sophia,” Davis tells me.
He would fucking kill me if he knew how I treated her that night.
If he knew that I’m sleeping with the guy she worked for, he’d probably go on a rampage.
Swallowing both my shock and my shame, I paste on a smile and extend a hand to her. “Emmett,” I greet her. “It’s nice to meet you.”
It takes a long time to brush off the anxiety that chokes me.
Through our meal, I keep flicking my eyes toward Davis and his girlfriend, worried that she’ll just up and say ‘hey, aren’t you the guy who had his hand on my ass?
’ or ‘hey, remember when you came into Envy and acted like you were gonna fuck me on the VIP couch?’
I have probably two beers too many by the time that we all settle into a game of Taboo and I can finally breathe without feeling like an ax is hanging over my head.
I watch my family; Dad with Rowan, Davis with his girlfriend, and I think about the fact that for the first time ever, I’m the only single one in our group.
I imagine for a second what it might feel like to have someone here with me to share these family nights with again.
I imagine what it would be like if that person was Nash.
Shoving the absolutely ridiculous thought away, I pull the final swig from my beer and offer Ro a smile and a subtle nod when I catch her giving me a questioning thumbs up from the corner of my vision.
I head for the kitchen to grab another beer, and when I come back, my dad catches my eye and gives me a firm shake of his head to tell me that this is my last one.
Hours speed by while we play games and stuff our faces, the two only coming to an end when it’s time for Sarah and Macie to go to bed; the latter of which Davis throws over his shoulder and carries to her room while she pounds against his back, because he’s the only person that she doesn’t give attitude to right now.
With the two of them tucked in, Dad, Davis and I head into Dad’s study to check out a new piece of art that he ordered.
I like art well enough and I tried really hard to get into it because of my dad, but I don’t care nearly as much about it as he does.
I’m not really sure where he picked that up; he never talked about it until he got rich and the most ‘art’ that was in any of our houses growing up were decals that he’d stuck to the walls of my bedrooms. Now, his art collection may as well be another one of his kids.
“I like her,” Dad tells Davis, crossing his arms and leaning against his desk with a smile. “I think she’s good for you.”
Davis fights a smile, and I think about Dad’s words.
I let myself retreat into my mind and I imagine what the conversation between them would sound like if I were in Davis’s position. While my dad has never disliked anyone that I was with, he never said ‘I think she’s good for you.’ It was always ‘she seems nice’ or ‘you seem happy.’
Would he still say that I seem happy when Nash is around? Would he be able to set aside his disapproval, if so?
No, probably not.
We say our goodnights as we exit the study, and I make my way back up to my room, where my laptop is waiting for me.
I spend the next four hours skimming through my paper, correcting any missed mistakes and adding my final thoughts before I save it and crawl into my bed. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but I’m so exhausted that I’m out almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.
·
“Bubba,” A small voice whispers at me, crawling into my dream.
It isn’t until that voice is met with a sniffle and a shake of my shoulder that I open my eyes to greet it. Macie stands in front of me clutching a hand to her chest with tears spilling from her eyes.
“Hey,” I say, sitting up to put a hand on her back. “What’s wrong? Did you have an accident?”
She shakes her head. “I had a bad dream.”
“Okay.” I glance around the room to make sure that I haven’t left out anything that a kid shouldn’t be around, then I move my eyes to the now open door to silently summon Rowan or my dad, because I have no idea what to do here. “Come here.”
Scooping up her tiny body, I pull her up onto the bed next to me and hold her tightly. I think about what things were like for Macie just a couple of years ago, and I wonder if her nightmare is because of that, but I don’t ask. Instead, I rest my chin on the top of her head while I rub her back.
“I got you,” I tell her. “I’ve been having a lot of bad dreams, too. It’s not fun, is it?”
She offers a shake of her head as her little arms wrap around me and squeeze as tight as I think they can, and the remaining part of my heart that hasn’t gone completely numb yet melts.
I hold her until her tears stop and her body goes slack against mine.
I consider taking her back down to her own room when I’m sure that she’s asleep, but guilt nags at the back of my mind at the thought of making her wake up alone.
Abandoned by someone she needed.
I consider the path that she had to take to get up to my room; to walk down two long hallways, navigate up the stairs and past Dad and Rowan’s room to get to me.
I might not be the safest person for myself right now, but I can be for her.
I can be the big brother that she trusted to send the monsters away.
After getting her situated under the covers, I move to turn on my closet light, leaving the door cracked to let it act as a night light for her in case she wakes up again.
Carefully, I make my way down to her room and grab her Astro-bunny; it’s getting beaten up and starting to look more like a ragdoll than a rabbit, but it’s her comfort item and she’ll want to have it with her.
In this moment, needed by my sister, that irritating thought pops into my mind once again:
I want my mom.