Epilogue
Grant Knight Just Won the Super Bowl and Immediately Made Out With His Matchmaker on National Television
By Petra Novak
Okay so we need to talk about this.
By now you’ve seen the photo. If you haven’t seen the photo, respectfully, what are you doing with your life? Go look at it. We’ll wait.
For the uninitiated: Grant Knight, Boston’s famously private, famously stoic, famously single franchise quarterback, just led the most methodical fourth-quarter drive in Super Bowl history, threw the game-winning touchdown with forty-one seconds left, and then—before the confetti had finished falling, before the Gatorade bath, helmet already off and forgotten somewhere on the turf—walked straight past his head coach, past the Commissioner, past approximately two hundred credentialed members of the media, and kissed a woman on the forty-yard line like he was trying to make up for lost time.
Not a peck. Not a celebratory hug that lingered. Full hands-in-her-hair, lifting-her-off-the-ground, the-man-has-clearly-been-thinking-about-this-since-the-second-quarter contact.
Regular readers of this column will recognize her immediately.
Emmy Woodhouse, 25. Former matchmaker at Elite Connections—the same Elite Connections she very publicly walked away from in December, citing “ethical differences” with management.
Sister of Boston wide receiver West Woodhouse.
And, yes, the same woman at the center of the “Grant Knight has a matchmaker?” story that this publication broke back in the fall, which had sports Twitter in a chokehold for approximately seventy-two hours before Boston rattled off five straight wins into the playoffs and everyone forgot.
Turns out, we shouldn’t have forgotten.
Because here is what appears to have happened, and we are going to need everyone to sit down for this: Grant Knight hired his best friend’s little sister to find him the perfect match.
She reportedly set him up on multiple dates over the course of the season.
None of them stuck. Because—and this is the part where we need you to really stay with us—she was the match the whole time.
The matchmaker matched herself.
Let that marinate.
Knight, who has historically given post-game press conferences with the emotional range of a tax audit, was asked about the moment in the on-field interview.
His response, in full: “She told me I needed to find someone whose life was full enough that they wouldn’t wait around for me.
Took me a while to realize she was describing herself. ”
Reader, we are not okay.
West Woodhouse, reached for comment in the locker room, reportedly stared at the ceiling for eleven seconds before saying, “I’ve known since Christmas.
My wife told me to shut up about it. She was right.
She’s always right.” He then paused and added: “If he hurts her, I’ll kill him. He knows that. We’ve discussed it.”
Wholesome. Terrifying. On brand.
No word yet from Emmy Woodhouse’s camp, though an Instagram story posted at 11:47 PM from what appears to be the team’s after-party shows a Lombardi Trophy, two glasses of champagne, and a woman’s hand—left hand—resting on a knee, wearing something on the fourth finger that is either the most important detail in this entire article or a very deliberate piece of jewelry placement.
We have questions. She has not answered them.
We are refreshing her page at an unhealthy rate.
She captioned it: Finally got the match right.
Grant Knight liked it in under a minute.