3. Family Binds
3
FAMILY BINDS
CALDER
T hankfully, after Jade showered off her mating dance dirt, the guys initiated nothing more with her.
I’m not jealous. Okay, maybe a bit. I wish I could enjoy someone’s touch again. Now that Flint has overcome his aversion, it’s given me some hope, but he was never broken like I am. He didn’t lose a huge part of himself because he died a horrific death.
I will never be the same. Though, perhaps I don’t have to be completely healed to endure being close to someone again?
Remembering the moment with Osen, while he was inside Jade’s body, I mull over how I was able to share a kiss with my old love.
That’s something, isn’t it?
But if I had to listen to my entire pack fucking that sweet witch while basically in the same room? And I couldn’t join in? Nope, that’s a whole new torture.
I might be over the possible evil witch thing with her, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to pursue something with Jade. Besides, I don’t expect that she would be into me. Not after what an ass I’ve been.
I wouldn’t want her to think I liked her just because Osen possessed her, either. For some wild reason she confessed to me she worried about that with the other guys, and it struck me hard in my gut. If I’m honest, I don’t want to make that mistake with her if it really is Osen’s energy that attracts me to her. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.
In the morning, I wake to discover Jade’s magical creatures sleeping on me—Sage, the rabbit, and Trouble, the guinea pig. I’m scratching the bunny behind the ears when Jade shuffles into the main room and finds me snuggling with the little ones. Her sexy curves are barely contained in her skimpy sleep shorts and tank top. Not that I’m looking.
When she sees her creatures with me, her eyes soften and the corners of her mouth lift in a small smile. She takes a step toward me, but then thinks better of it and asks, “Can I pet them too?”
“They’re your familiars, so yeah,” I say in hushed tones, not wanting to wake the other guys. I flick my chin for her to come over.
“Uh, I didn’t want to encroach on your space.” Jade kneels down beside my makeshift bed on the couch and strokes Trouble’s soft fur.
We share a quiet moment where it feels like the terrors of the realms aren’t pressing in on us. I watch her gentle fingers gliding down the guinea pig’s fluffy coat and find myself enchanted by her delicate hands. Loving hands. She isn’t at all like the witches that have hurt my pack and me.
Jade hasn’t looked at me since she kneeled down to pet her animals. She bites her lip then says, “I’m sorry.”
“About what?” I ask, skimming my finger over the rabbit’s incredibly soft ears.
“You’re stuck here like this . It must be uncomfortable.”
“The couch isn’t too bad,” I say. I know what she really means, but I want to avoid the topic. What can I say about it anyway?
“No, about having to share this small space with me. It was probably bad enough when I was invading your pack’s huge lake house. You had your beautiful room to avoid me.” She swallows down the emotion bubbling up. “And now, you’re forced…”
“Hush,” I admonish her with a tender yet firm voice. “We’re good. Okay? You’re pack now. Arran officially claimed you. Flint and Maxum are already bonding with you. Osen is…” I choke up a bit despite myself. “You’re literally carrying his soul inside you. Don’t worry about me. If I need a break, I can take a walk.”
Her hypnotizing green eyes finally meet my gaze and I swear there’s a glow behind them, like a supernatural being might have. I wonder what she might actually be besides a witch.
The bunny wakes up and licks my hand. Then she says happily to Jade, “You lick birdman now. He likes it.”
Jade’s eyes go wide, and she covers her face in embarrassment. “Sage, he doesn’t want me licking or petting him. Please stop saying stuff like that.”
Even my face heats, feeling self-conscious. I swear this rabbit fancies herself a matchmaker.
Of course, Trouble pipes right in. “I think Birdman might like it more than he says.”
Jade frowns at both of them and gets to her feet, stepping back. “No more of this talk. You will not pressure us anymore about me touching him. He’s only comfortable with you guys. It’s not nice.”
“Sorry,” Sage and Trouble say.
Jade looks at me, worry written on her face. “I’m sorry about all that.”
“Not your fault.” I sit up and set both creatures down on the floor so I can get breakfast ready when I hear the others rolling out of the huge bed they’ve all shared inside the small cabin.
I sense that they’ve been awake since Jade got up and approached me. I suppose they didn’t want to make her think they’re going to hover over her as much as they want to.
Flint enters the room and nods at me. We set things out on the counter and table for us to eat as Arran and Maxum join us.
Dressed in only sweatpants, Arran sits down at the kitchen table and pulls Jade into his lap. She squeaks as he does, and a blush creeps into her cheeks.
This woman confuses the hell out of me. We watched her come back filthy and naked from the woods last night after a werewolf knotted and claimed her, and now she’s embarrassed sitting on his lap?
Maxum and Flint give her glances filled with longing, their hands clenching as if they are resisting the need to snatch her up and into their own laps.
I’m jealous for my own reasons. I wish I could get over my touch aversion and be comfortable, like Arran is with his mate.
I had always wanted a mate, but do I want that anymore?
With a heavy sigh, I place a couple of chocolate muffins on the table and some fruit for us to eat.
Arran grabs a muffin and lifts it to his mouth.
Just as he’s about to take a bite, Jade screams, “No!” Then she smacks it right out of his hands and to the floor.
We all stare at her in shock.
“What the hell?” Arran asks, more in confusion than anger.
“It’s chocolate!” she says, pulling away from him a bit.
“So?” He shakes his head, puzzled by her behavior.
“It could kill you,” she explains, like he’s daft.
Then Maxum lets out a booming laugh.
Her eyes dart to him with a snarl. “What’s so flippin’ funny about killing my mate?”
Dang, she’s fierce. It’s hotter than it should be.
“He’s not a damned dog, little witch.” Maxum wheezes with laughter. “It doesn’t poison him.”
“Oh, whoops.” She turns bright red again and sinks down into herself, burying her face in Arran’s chest. “My bad.”
Arran chuckles and strokes along her back. “I appreciate the sentiment, but please never try to choc-block a werewolf,” he jokes and kisses her temple.
“Arran has a sweet fang, but he won’t admit it,” I add, and I’m rewarded with Jade’s laughter.
Flint picks up the damaged muffin, pulls off the crushed side that impacted the ground, and eats the rest.
Jade offers Arran her muffin as an apology. After a bit of fuss, he accepts, then feeds her a few bites when she finishes eating the sliced apples and peanut butter Flint gave her.
She licks Arran’s fingertips clean of crumbs, and I imagine her licking something else… Dang, I need to get my shit together. Maybe I should go buy a tent and rough it outside of this cabin.
“Amira wants me to meet with her soon.” Jade appears apprehensive at the idea.
“Hopefully, she will be able to help you control your new magic and understand how you connect with spirits,” Flint says, taking Jade’s finished plate from her to clean.
“I hope so too,” Maxum agrees. “And I’d like to chat with Darius about our home realm. Find out what’s been going on lately in hell.” He smiles at Jade. “I’ll walk you over to the main house.”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area,” Flint says and hurries out the door. He doesn’t like new places or situations, and he’s on edge, being at the mercy of another witch’s protection. No doubt he’s worried about Jade being attacked again.
Jade pouts while she watches him run off. The big oaf didn’t even give her a hug or kiss goodbye. He’s going to need some pointers on how to be in a relationship with a mostly human woman.
I see the angst clearly written on Arran’s face. He doesn’t appreciate the idea of being separated from Jade so soon after their mate bond. Goddess, I have no idea why he bonded with her with all that’s going on.
He should have waited until Jade’s ex wasn’t a problem anymore.
Maxum pulls out a sheet of paper with a sketch on it and places it in front of Jade.
“What’s this?” she asks, studying the page filled with sigils and glyphs.
“These are the markings I saw on your body. I thought we could show Amira to see what she recognizes.”
Jade’s eyes widen in shock. “Do you have an eidetic memory?”
“Mostly… for the things that interest me.” He smirks. “And you interest me.”
I roll my eyes but lean over to check out the designs. “Strange. They almost look like fae sigils, but not quite. Are you sure you got them right?”
The demon gives me a pissy glare. “I got it fucking right, bird brain. That’s why they confused me. But I had hoped it was some sort of secret witch thing and maybe Amira would tell Jade about them.”
Maxum leads Jade away toward the main house and Arran huffs out a breath just like his wolf might.
“Get a grip, buddy,” I tease and finish cleaning up our morning meal. “She’s going across the field, not to another realm.”
“It’s the bond. For a little while, every time she leaves the room, I’m going to be a pathetic mess.” Arran sets his golden gaze on me, and I know he’s wondering where I stand with this development. “Well?”
“Well, what?” I ask, just to drag it out. I don’t want to answer him.
“Dude, really?” Arran shakes his head. “Out with it. Tell me I’m a dumbass for claiming Jade.”
“You’re a dumbass?” I say with zero conviction and as a question.
“So you’re cool with us?” Arran cocks his head like a confused dog.
“I’m not pissed at her anymore, but I think your timing is a bit screwed up.”
He runs a hand through his thick, cropped brown hair and frowns. “I know. I don’t want to admit it to Jade, but her grandmother’s disapproval is worrying me.”
Sighing, I focus on him and empathize. Relationship stuff can suck ass, but when a disembodied voice offers him an ominous statement during the most vulnerable and fulfilling moment of his life—claiming his mate—it had to have rocked his world.
“We don’t even know if it really is her grandmother,” I say with a shrug. “And… uh, I am happy for you. It’s no small thing to have a bond with someone you feel you have a mate match with.”
He nods, but still looks a bit off-center. “I’m going for a run.”
“I’m going to track down the other phoenix here.”
Arran strips down, shifts into his regular wolf form, and races off to the woods. He’s chasing his personal demons. With the image of his terrifying monster form in my mind, I still can’t believe he didn’t hurt Jade during their mating. She really did tame his berserker werewolf.
I fuss a bit in the house, delaying my talk with Raithe. As I open the door, I find him standing outside, ready to knock.
“Hey,” he says with a wide grin.
Raithe is so much more easygoing than I am. I wonder how many times he’s died and regenerated. I doubt if any of them could be as bad as my last rebirth. He wouldn’t be so smiley if he went through the torture I did.
“Hey.” I try to relax my shoulders and appear calm, but being around another phoenix stirs up a lot of emotions for me. Loss, anger, longing, and jealousy. “I was coming to see you.”
“Good to hear. I didn’t want to push myself on you if you weren’t up for company.” Raithe glances behind himself and then suggests, “Would you like to take a walk or maybe stretch our wings?”
I consider my emotions right now. “Uh, walking is probably best.” I shut the cabin door behind me and step out into the sun. We are on the earth plane, I can sense that much, but nothing beyond that. However, I haven’t been trying too hard to pin it down. If someone were to mind probe me, then I don’t want to give up our secret location. And I really don’t want to bring down the witches and warlocks upon Raithe and his mates.
“I know the cabin is cramped, but I hope you’re able to make it work. When Darius and I shared it with Amira, it was tight. I can’t imagine adding two more large males to the coven and staying in there.”
“We aren’t a coven,” I correct him. “Well, I’m not one of Jade’s mates.”
Raithe’s eyebrows rise with disbelief. “Oh? I could have sworn I sensed something between you. Sorry.”
“Uh, yeah… it’s complicated.” I rub the back of my neck and feel my heart racing. How much do I tell him? Maybe I should tell him everything and get an outsider’s perspective. I’m all turned around and twisted up.
Raithe nods and walks toward the woods. “I understand complicated. I hadn’t expected to be with a witch… or a woman, for that matter. I’m usually attracted to males. But then Amira came along and captured my heart and my balls.” He laughs, shaking his head, likely remembering falling for his mate.
“I’m bi with a leaning toward males. But I don’t think I can be intimate ever again,” I confess.
His gaze darts down to my crotch, probably wondering if I’ve lost my dangly bits as Jade would say and why they didn’t come back in a regeneration.
“No. Not that . My last death fucked up my head pretty badly.”
“Sorry to hear that, brother.” He reaches out to pat my shoulder and thinks better of it, dropping his hand to his side.
I don’t tell him it’s okay, because it’s not. A stranger’s touch makes me want to scream. Sure, I allow my pack to occasionally buddy-pat me, but even that doesn’t bring me any comfort.
Oddly, Jade’s touch during our mental shield training didn’t seem to bother me. I wonder if Osen being inside her was the reason. Then I remember I didn’t enjoy Osen’s touch since my last incarnation.
There’s something different about her. But I still don’t know if it’s wise to pursue it when so much is unknown about her origins and who she may be.
I can’t risk it.
“So… you left a big piece of yourself behind last time?” Raithe asks.
“Yeah. You know how it is. We always lose memories or some bits with each death. After the last one, I wish I didn’t come back.”
“Fuck,” Raithe hisses. “My flames feel your pain.”
We start on a path in the woods that appears well traveled. The forest swallows up the morning light, but my eyes quickly adjust to the darkness.
“Have you ever had a death like that?” I ask.
He nods slowly.
Goddess, it feels strange talking about this with another phoenix. My father is long gone, his magic was snuffed out when I was just a fledgling. I didn’t get much guidance from him since he was taken when I was so young. My heavy heart feels as though it’s been lifted as I realize I finally have another phoenix to help me.
But quickly, my anger swells inside again at what the witch who killed me did to me. Memories of her torture fill my mind.
Then what’s been eating me up since that death finally comes out as I shout, “I can’t shift!”
After a long silence, where I see his concern on his face, Raithe asks, “At all?”
I can’t believe I admitted that to him. I’ve never even told my pack.
I want to punch Raithe for the sad look of pity on his face.
I want to scream.
I want to fucking shift!
Turning my gaze away so I don’t have to look at his pity, I admit, “I can only manifest my wings and fire.”
“I understand now that your last death wasn’t an ordinary one. But if you have your wings and fire, your phoenix is still inside you.”
I fall to my knees, emotion overcoming me, covering my face with my hands in shame. “But I’m broken. It’s like a piece of my soul is missing, not just my memories.”
Raithe kneels next to me and says quietly, “My last death was the worst yet.” He sighs heavily. “Without going into a long ass story, I’ll say I only survived it emotionally because of Amira. Because I finally gave in and trusted her, she saved my soul on so many levels. And I’ll never be able to pay her back.”
Scraping together my dignity, I get to my feet, considering his words, and we continue down the forest path.
“So you truly don’t have a problem Amira being a witch?” I ask with no small amount of skepticism, but my voice comes out as small and weak—it matches how I feel.
Raithe stops abruptly and looks at me. “She has essentially given up being a witch, and chose Darius and me as mates. If it weren’t for her, we’d be dead or still being tortured. She has done more for supernaturals than most supes, so no, I don’t have a problem with her.” He levels his gaze at me, and I feel the weight of his focus like a threat. “Jade is in your pack, whether you like it or not. So you better figure out how to drop your prejudice or leave them.”
My feathers are ruffled, but the asshole isn’t wrong. “I’m trying. It isn’t easy.”
“Maybe, but it’s not as hard as you’re probably making it.” Raithe turns and continues back on our walk. “What everyone seems to forget is that we are all individuals. We are more than our species, or magic, or lineage, or sexuality, or whatever the fuck there is to see on the surface. More importantly, we are the choices we make every damned day.”
I think about his words. Who have I been if I only considered my choices?
I don’t like the answer.
And Jade? She has only been kind, accepting, and giving.
I just hope I can repair any damage I might have caused and develop a friendship with her.
Because no matter my hang-ups, she’s in my pack now.