7. Memories
7
MEMORIES
OSEN
T his sweet witch is breaking my shadowheart.
Jade’s soft touch—physically and emotionally—has me on my metaphorical knees. Even though she has fallen into a deeper level of sleep beyond the shadowscape where I can interact with her, she is still somehow manifesting here with me. She’s snuggled into my arms with her head tucked under my chin.
The shadowscape is an extremely convincing representation of real life. An incubus or succubus can create our surroundings and lure in our next target and feed, making our food source believe they are somewhere safe or terrifying, depending on our fickle moods. We can mimic almost anything, but it falls short in many ways. Mainly, that it isn’t really living. I can’t freely interact with my pack, and I can’t help make the realms a better place for those I care about.
And Jade? I can’t truly enjoy her the way I want to. Every time I bring her here, I feel like I’ve trapped her or forced her to be with me.
In a way, I have. Though not on purpose. My soul being stuck inside her body and mind isn’t either of our faults. But I feel more like a leech than I ever did in life.
When she spoke about releasing my spirit earlier, I panicked. I shouldn’t. I should just accept that my reckless actions finally caught up to me in that alleyway.
But now that I’ve found her and I realize how much Calder feels for me, I don’t want to move on from this life. I want to find a way to live—with them.
Jade hasn’t said it, but I sense she would allow me to remain with her forever, as long as I behave myself.
I’m tempted to go along with that, but for my sanity I need to materialize in a tangible way or let go somehow and move on beyond the veil.
I don’t want to move on though. I want to become a real member of this pack again. More than I was before.
I want Calder. I want to help heal him as I should have done before. Like Jade is doing now.
I can see it. He’s changing. I’d love to claim it was about me. That my death shook him up enough to come out of his unhappy existence. Except that would be a lie.
Jade is our savior—for the entire pack.
I stroke her soft cheek and wonder how accurate my illusionary shadowscape is.
Closing my eyes to this imaginary place, I focus on Jade’s energy and how she truly feels intertwined in me. In some ways, this bond we have is more intimate than what the others have. Not that I deserve it. Not yet.
I sink into the darkness and fall deeper into the place where Jade dreams.
I open my eyes to find myself inside her dreamscape.
A shiver goes through me when I realize where I am.
The wretched alleyway where I died.
I’m standing next to her. Jade has taken my spot, reliving what I remembered from that night and what we saw together right before Rob attacked us.
“Jade?” I ask as Rob’s cloaked figure appears at the end of the alleyway.
She tears her gaze away from his ominous presence and looks at me in confusion. “Osen? Why are you outside of me?”
“You’re dreaming, and I’m along for the ride.”
“Oh, lucid dreaming. I do that.” She bites her lip, looking a bit confused, and glances between us. “I’m just not used to seeing your memories with you beside me.”
“Same for me.” It’s strange. I’ve been her ghost since I first died and possessed her. But I’m more aware now. More myself.
Jade takes a nervous step back, glancing around for an escape. “We should go to a different memory now,” she says with a shaky voice.
I capture her arms and make her focus on me. “I don’t relish the idea of reliving my death moment, but I wonder if maybe we should both witness this again with an analytical lens. Maybe catch something we didn’t last time. A clue.”
“Yeah, okay.” She nods vigorously, regaining the courage I know she possesses. “It’s just that when we were both in this alley… everything fell apart. I almost lost you, and I almost died.”
“I know now that you aren’t my enemy.” I brush back a lock of her hair and caress her cheek. “We are remembering in your mind, okay?”
Her lucidity returns, and she turns to face Rob again.
I snatch her hand in mine, and we create a united front to experience this horrible moment together.
She squeezes my hand in solidarity. “I know this will be hard for you. Just remember, I’m on your side. I will fight to avenge your death,” she promises.
“Thank you, sweet witch. But now, I only want to focus on answers.”
We both turn our attention to the warlock Rob walking toward us, silhouetted by the light of the moon.
“You shouldn’t have pushed,” Rob says. “I warned you to walk away.”
“You expect me to heed your message from the lips of my dying ally? You truly didn’t expect that I’d seek justice for what you’ve done to my kind?” I counter.
“I thought you might be smarter than the rest since you’re the only one who’s gotten close to discovering what’s truly going on.”
“I know the Witch Council members are behind the ASO.”
The man laughs—genuinely amused.
Suddenly, I’m hit with a blast of magic from behind, along with a chant.
This energy doesn’t feel like anything I have experienced before. It’s a new magic filled with dark intent.
My body trembles on the ground. Someone is stealing my magic, and my soul is detaching from my body.
“I told you he’d come,” Rob says with an evil smirk.
Then someone who looked very much like Jade appears from the shadows.
I die.
Both Jade and I float above the scene. It’s an unnerving sight to see my dead body on the ground. Thankfully, Jade is floating beside me and not splayed out below.
I freaked out last time when I saw her appear, but now I’m much more rational and intend to find out the rest of this situation.
Astral Jade glances over at me, and I reach out to pull her closer. Her nervous energy about my reaction settles.
Rob leans over my body and chants a strange spell. Dark shadows escape my body and Rob absorbs them. He’s grunting and whimpering as he’s stealing my magic.
The witch’s face shifts, revealing it’s actually Galiana, not Jade or her grandmother. Darkness swirls around her, too. They both have incubus magic.
But how?
“Send his soul to the abomination and get answers about what he knows,” Galiana orders. “Leave the body here for his kind to discover.”
“Can I kill the bitch after this one?” Rob asks, looking eager.
“No,” Galiana snaps. “Jade’s mine to destroy. And she will be useful for a bit longer.”
Rob chants something new under his breath, but I don’t recognize the language. It’s not Latin or the other common magical languages. It sounds like an odd mixture of demon, Elven, and something else.
Then both Jade and I clutch onto each other’s spirit forms, flying through the city to her house, and we fall into Jade’s sleeping body in her home. We are back in the early morning when I first possessed her.
I hear Jade speak as a spirit to me. “This is the morning before I saw the guys at the bar. I woke up feeling strange, worrying maybe Rob broke in again to harass me.”
Jade’s body jerks to sitting, and she glances around her room. She’s filled with fear.
She gets up and grabs her gun, checking around her house before relaxing after finding herself alone.
“I’m sorry you had to live like that. Afraid your ex was going to hurt you. And now to discover he actually was hurting you.”
“I’m not the only woman in the world dealing with an abusive and manipulative man,” she says, sounding both angry and sad.
“Still. It makes me feel horrible for any damage I’ve caused being an incubus. But if I’m sticking around longer, I will do my best to not harm you anymore. If I do it without realizing, please tell me so I can be better.”
I sense her agreeing to my request.
We observe as the front door flies open, and Rob rushes in already chanting a spell.
Jade drops to the floor.
He hovers over her. “Osen? Incubus?”
I let out a wheeze through Jade’s lungs. Being freshly dead ghost, I am unable to do much more.
“Good. You’re in there,” Rob says. “I’ll be back in a few days to have a chat.” He sneers at Jade’s body and then reluctantly tosses her on the couch. Likely, he wants Jade to come out of the spell like she only fell asleep, so she doesn’t wake up on the floor and become suspicious.
After a chant, he closes the door behind him. Jade is none the wiser.
She shifts on the couch and mutters, “Weird. I must be more tired than I thought.”
The memory fades, and we are left standing in the shadowscape once again.
“I was so off that day. I forgot to eat. I couldn’t write worth a damn.” Jade recalls from this memory. “Now I know why.”
I wish I could comfort her, like she deserves, but I feel like I will fall short in every way. I don’t really know how to comfort.
I’ve never done something like that before. I’ve only offered a sexual release for my partners. I wasn’t the one people went to hoping to ease their worries or to be their pillar of strength.
Maxum was our strength and courage. Flint was our rock bed foundation, never wavering. Arran was often our confidant and comfort before he was cursed. Calder was our passion and spirit until he was damaged in his last life.
And now, Jade is our heart. She brings compassion and understanding. She brings the group together in a way I never did.
Moving forward, what can I offer? Even if I could return whole and in my body, I don’t see what I could contribute.
I know one thing. I won’t do anything to hurt her. Never again. If it comes down to it, I will sacrifice myself to ensure her wellbeing and her happiness with our pack.
“Osen?” Jade calls me. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” I answer, and then ask, “Will you do everything you can to help Calder?”
I sense her unease, and she asks with an uncertain tone, “What are you saying? Are you moving on?”
“No. Not yet. However, when I go, I want to ensure that you’ll be there for him.”
“Of course,” she hesitates. “But you’re still here. Maybe you could help too. I’m out of my depth with him.”
Wondering how to respond to her worried expression and reaction, I ask myself, What would Jade do?
Then I pull her into an embrace. “Whatever you need. Whatever Calder needs, or the pack needs, I will do my best to deliver.”