10. The Talk
10
THE TALK
CALDER
M y heart aches when Jade’s spirit fades to the background.
I bite back a curse. I wouldn’t mind more time alone to get to know her now that I’m not hung up on her witch heritage.
Maybe part of me doesn’t want to deal with Osen either. He’s never been particularly talkative, so I know he has something significant to say if he’s pushed to come forward.
I brace myself for what’s coming as I watch the eerie change from Jade to Osen. Her face takes on an entirely different expression, one I’ve never seen her make. It’s almost as if she’s a shifter.
Her inquisitive and kind green eyes become the swirling smoky gray of an incubus.
“Calder.” Osen frowns when I stare at him without emotion or response.
“Osen,” I finally say.
“Why are you upset with me?” he asks.
I suppose he has a right to understand, but I’m still trying to understand what’s got me riled. “It feels wrong for you to be inside her like this.”
“You’d rather have me gone forever?” he asks, with a pained strain to his voice.
I sigh heavily and look at him. “No. It’s just confusing.”
“Tell me about it.” He rubs his face like he used to, over his eyes and then over his non-existent beard. “Jade and I are getting along. We hope to discover more about what happened to me… to her.”
“I’m glad you aren’t fighting her anymore.”
“I’m glad to see you’re accepting her as well.” He gives me a knowing look when I raise my brows. “I’ve been paying attention. More than she probably has.”
“Don’t—” I warn. I don’t want him to push me into anything. I need to set this pace. If I set a pace.
He smirks playfully. “I wanted to tell you I’m falling for Jade.”
Their body jerks as if Jade was surprised by this information enough to animate her shock.
“And how is that my business?” I bite my lip. I figured he was becoming infatuated. How could he not? She is his entire world—literally. And she has mind blowing sex with our pack. Jade is an incubus’ dream girl.
“It’s your business because I still love you, and you’re part of our pack. I’m still here, watching. I see how Jade is healing us. I was hoping I could take her lead. Help you like I should have done the last time you died. I was scared and too caught up in myself to help heal what that witch did to you.”
“You couldn’t have helped,” I argue. But is that true?
“Maybe, maybe not. But I know now why I didn’t try. I felt rejected when you no longer wanted my touch. Selfishly, I made it about me… that I wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t lovable enough. I believed you should have fought your trauma to be with me again.” He curses himself. “But I should have done more to fight for you. With you.”
“ You… were insecure?” I say in disbelief.
“Are you kidding? Behind all my swagger, I’m a fraud. Sure, I can make someone orgasm just by a snap of my fingers, but that doesn’t equate to real love. Or being worthy of love. A fucking vibrator can do the same thing I can.”
“Not quite.” I chuckle. “But I get your point. Although it was a wonderful bonus how you could make me feel sexually, I didn’t love you and want to be with you for your incubus magic.”
“Why did you love me?” he asks, sounding more vulnerable than I’ve ever heard.
“Yeah, there was the physical aspect, but there was also the laughter. The loyalty. I loved how your mind worked, your passion for life, and your protectiveness.” My voice comes out strong and with conviction, but I can’t look at Jade while I talk. It feels like it would betray my feelings for Osen by gazing at her beauty when I did. And my budding feelings for her might get mixed up in all the emotions I have for him.
“I feel the same,” he whispers, modulating his voice lower, likely picking up my reservations about talking through Jade. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I gaze at the creek, watching the water cascade over the smooth rocks. “But I don’t know what you want from me right now.”
“I want you to be happy—whatever that looks like,” Osen says earnestly.
Daring to look at them, I demand, “What? You want me to fuck Jade and pretend it’s you? Because it’s not you. Not really.”
“Then maybe you should give in to your feelings for her. See if you can touch and be touched again.”
My eyes flare with irritation. “Stay out of my relationship with her!”
“Fine. But I know for a fucking fact that she would let you take her right now if it would heal you.”
“I don’t need to be a thing of pity!” I jump up and clench my fists at my side.
“Neither of us thinks that.” Osen jumps to his feet to match me. “She wants you, you idiot!”
I shake my head, confused. “No. That can’t be true. I was an asshole. She’s only getting mixed up because of you being inside her.”
“Believe what you want.” Osen gives me a dismissive wave.
“Osen!” Jade shouts, cutting through to take over her body again. Her face instantly softens, and she says quietly, “Calder, I like you. And I care about you. But I won’t ever pressure you into anything.”
“What are you saying?” I take a step closer. Is it hope bubbling in my heart? Could she really see me as someone she might desire?
“I want to be there for you in any way you’d want me to be,” she says.
I charge forward. I need to set her straight. She can’t want me. I grab her by her wrists and pull them behind her back. I clasp them together in one of my hands, pinning her so she can’t move—or touch me.
My other hand grasps her jaw, forcing her to look at me.
She gasps that I’m suddenly towering over her—manhandling her. Her eyes are wide with shock.
“Is this what you want?” I demand, searching her face, taking in her beauty and her strength.
Even though I’m sure she wants to, she hasn’t tried to pull away and run. Maybe she understands how dangerous that is to do with a predator.
“All I can offer is to tie you down so you can’t touch me,” I confess with an edge to my voice that bleeds with my pain. “Then I’d take your body. I’d be rough. Maybe violent. Uncaring if you enjoyed it. I can’t say you’d walk away uninjured.”
“Is that how you want it to be with me? Painful?” she asks with all the calmness in the world. “Do you want to make me pay for what happened to you?”
I jerk my head back and blink. How can she be so calm? “I don’t want to hurt you. Not really. But I’m broken, so I might.” My thumb brushes down over her pulse that is thumping wildly.
“I get it. You don’t want me to touch you. You need to be in control.” She licks her lips. Is the subtle act from nerves or interest? “But do you even want to be with me ?”
“My cock has woken up for the first time in years. My hands itch to reach out for you. My heart aches to truly feel again.” I skim my nose over hers. My lips are so close I might die from holding back. “Because of you.”
“Me?” Her green eyes seem to glow electric. “If I let you tie me down so you’re in control, would you want to see what happens?”
“I can’t… but goddess, yes. One day, I want to get beyond this.” I bury my face in her silky silver hair, inhaling her sweet, addictive scent. “You’d do that?”
“It’s on my bucket list. Osen did something similar in the shadowscape, and I enjoyed it. And if you need to feel safe, I’m willing.”
“We’d need someone there, so I don’t go too far.”
“Maxum,” she offers. “Flint and Arran will be overly protective and possessive.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, pulling back to watch her expression. “And what about Osen’s power?”
“It hasn’t been triggered when I’m with the others.” Jade blushes. “And… I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to tug on your soul when I climaxed.”
“Why did that happen?”
She drops her gaze and chews her lip for a moment. “I, uh, wanted you. I didn’t mean to upset you and make you run off.”
“I ran off because I wanted to come into your bed and offer my soul to you.”
Jade sucks in a breath. I’d be lying if my ego didn’t inflate along with my cock at the look in her eyes.
Something primal takes over and, still clasping her hands behind her, I pick her up and crash us against a huge sycamore tree.
“Keep your hands there!” I growl as my hand fists the hair at her nape and the other is at her throat.
She whimpers deliciously, her pupils blowing wide with lust.
My mouth slams down on hers, consuming her like she is the air I need to survive. Tasting her like no other being can, I brush against her soul. She is my key to regaining my life.
She is life. Personified.
I don’t know what she is exactly, but it feels like she could heal me just by being close.
Our tongues tangle, and I want to be inside her any way I can. If I could crawl inside her, I would. I will have to make do with my tongue, fingers, cock. And when we make love, I’ll give her my magic—a magic I thought was long dead.
I grind my body against hers. She’s being such a good witch, keeping her hands to herself. Part of me wants her to give in and run her hands over my skin. But I’m unsure if I can truly handle it if she does.
I suck on her tongue, pulling it into my mouth. She goes willingly.
Then I’m ripped away from her warmth, being thrown clear by twenty feet or more.
The ground shakes as heavy footsteps draw closer to where I’ve landed. “I won’t let you hurt her!” Flint snarls in my face.
“I wasn’t!” I hold up my arms, waiting for a brain bashing blow that will probably kill me.
“Flint! No!” Jade cries, jumping on to his shoulders to get his attention. “He wasn’t hurting me. I liked it.”
“Calder threw you into the tree. He threatened you, telling you to keep your hands to yourself! He held your head and was forcing himself on you!” Flint kneels and easily moves Jade around to his front. “He…”
“Sweetheart,” she coos as she cups his massive, angry face that should terrify her. “It might have appeared he was rough, but I won’t even have a bruise.”
“You promise?” Flint softens and strokes her face gently, as if she were a delicate flower that will be destroyed if he looks at her the wrong way. The expression she wears shows she loves his tenderness. “If I had handled you the way he did, I could kill you.”
He’s right… Am I a brute? Do I even deserve to work through my issues? What if I can never have a sweet exchange like this? What if I remain broken?
“Flint,” I call. “ If Jade and I do anything again, I’ll have Maxum watch to make sure I don’t hurt her. Okay?”
He turns a glower at me, then he must see the sincerity in my eyes. “Fine. But she is pack. She is my mate. Our mate. If you fuck this up, I will deliver to you your final death.”
For the first time in years, I don’t welcome a threat like that. I have a reason to hope. I have a reason to live.
“Understood.”