CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Sunlight filtered through the branches of the gemstone willow, glittering on the jeweled leaves like a prism. Reflected light painted the grass, the trunk of the tree, our faces.
There were no words to describe it, and I marveled at the fact that the authors of the books in the Library had tried.
When a breeze passed through, the leaves tinkled against one another like true peridots.
In the gap between the branches and the grassy hill that the willow sat upon, the view of lush green fields extended for miles before turning to the hazy blue of the ocean on the horizon.
The section of ocean off the southern coast.
We hadn’t returned to the shore near Cyllene since the battle. Even though it had only been two weeks, it felt like it was a lifetime ago. I didn’t know when I would see Cyllene next. And after all that had happened, that was fine with me. There were too many wounds, and all were too fresh.
“If I’m being honest, I thought this was going to be kind of a waste of time,” Nya said with a yawn.
She shimmied down the trunk until she was almost lying down, then folded her arms over her chest and closed her eyes.
“But this is nice. I think sometimes you get so used to seeing certain things, that you forget how to appreciate them.”
“I guess I’ll agree with you,” Kieran said from my other side, his voice full of mock reluctance. “It’s not so bad taking an afternoon to sit under a sparkly tree.”
I smiled and lowered my head to rest against his shoulder.
Maybe it was Nya’s influence, or the peace that I felt sitting under the gemstone willow with her and Kieran, but my eyes were suddenly heavy.
I tried to resist closing them, not wanting to miss a moment.
But the resistance was short-lived. Kieran’s fingertips traced lazy circles on my leg, and soon I was starting to dream.
“I do want to add, though,” Nya spoke up again, startling me awake. “This is still nowhere close to enough to make it up to you for saving my life.”
“You’re not supposed to make it up to me,” I murmured, eyes still closed. “I did what I wanted to do. But seeing a gemstone willow up close—a big one, like I had read about—is huge for me. And I appreciate it.” After a moment, I added, “I appreciate both of you.”
“I’m glad we could make it happen.” Nya’s voice was soft.
Kieran responded by kissing me on the head. I reveled in the touch. The press of his lips against my hairline, the warmth of his body against me, the fingertips that still danced absently across my skin.
I wished it could always be like this.
In the time since we had been back in Ersa Estates, I had settled in with Nya, the same as when I had visited before.
And I filled my days with finding ways to be useful.
Acting as an assistant to the healers, learning how to tend the vegetable garden, helping Wren and the other cooks prepare daily meals…
sometimes just awkwardly following Nya around camp, not knowing where else to go or what else to do.
The highlight of every day was always the hour that I spent each evening at that little table in Sigrid’s front room, learning the basics of wielding magic.
Or as Sigrid would say, learning all the ways that I could’ve killed myself and everyone around me by going from zero to borrowing magic from an ancient water spirit.
And how to ensure it was not just dumb luck but actual skill that saved me next time.
“I wish it could always be like this.” Nya voiced my thoughts aloud.
“Same,” Kieran said. He was keeping his tone light, but I could hear what lurked under the surface. Everything in me wanted to press a kiss to his shoulder, but I knew he would understand the meaning. And I knew, more than anything, that he didn’t want my pity.
The fallout after Kieran detonated in Cyllene was as expected. Everyone understood that what happened was out of Kieran’s control. Everyone understood that the magic he possessed was greater than anything the group had ever imagined, and that this made him an invaluable ally.
And everyone resented him more and more with each passing day.
Bitter over the lives lost. Lives that should have been given up to Enforcers while furthering the group’s cause. But never as random casualties of a force that couldn’t be controlled. Never at the hands of a friend.
And there was always that question, the one that permeated every hour of every day since our return—if not for Kieran losing control, would the Strangers have won?
Would we all be in Cyllene right now, spending long but rewarding days carving out a new structure, a new system, a new home for everyone?
I knew Kieran’s grief was unfathomable. And having lived under the oppressive shadow of my own grief for so many years, I had promised myself that I would be whatever he needed me to be while he weathered it.
If only he would want me, need me. Let me be that person to pull him out of the darkness and remind him how wonderful life could be, the way he had done for me.
My thoughts had me sitting up, suddenly too restless to doze. I tilted my head to look at him. At the movement, he turned to look at me, too. Whatever he saw in my eyes had his narrowing, and a slow smirk spread across his face.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
It was everything, seeing that smirk. Seeing him look and act like himself. But I kept my tone nonchalant. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I can tell you who doesn’t want to know,” Nya interrupted, raising her hand in the air.
I laughed, and my heart swelled as I heard Kieran’s chuckle beside me.
It was moments like this that made it all worth it to me.
Moments that made me feel like I was truly living.
No longer just surviving. Yes, some of the things life had thrown at me were scary and sad and frustrating.
At times, even heartbreaking. But there were a lot of wonderful things, too.
In trying to protect myself from life’s heartaches, I had also protected myself from life’s joys. But not anymore.
As the sun began to dip behind the tree line to the west of us, we stood and stretched. The sky was turning to shades of gold and tangerine, and when the light hit the swaying branches of the gemstone willow just right, the leaves transformed from peridot to topaz.
When we passed under the jeweled curtain, I paused, running my fingertips along a strand. I would never stop being amazed at how each briolette-shaped leaf felt like any other leaf, on any other tree.
I smiled at the gemstone willow. I was pretty sure it wasn’t sentient, but I hoped it knew, somehow, how much I appreciated the beautiful afternoon that it had gifted me. With the two people who mattered most to me.
I followed Nya and Kieran down the hill, toward the field and the forest beyond. We were heading home.
And we were heading there together.