End Of Never

Chapter 1

Lilla

Present

Their screams flood into my room, seeping through the cracks, reminding me this is reality. “I can’t keep doing this, Matt! I want to go to work with you! I don’t want to stay trapped here with her, I want to travel and have fun.” My mom’s voice breaks like glass.

“What the fuck do you want me to do, Emma? She’s only seventeen; she isn’t a legal adult! We can’t just leave her here!” Drowning the voices that vibrate the walls with anger, hurt, and betrayal, I blast my music through my earbuds, trying to find an escape.

The beat rattles my eardrums, forcing me to think about the base of the music, and not the chaos that surrounds me when my dad gets home.

I don’t think my dad is a bad guy, but do I really even know?

The only things I know are the vicious words that travel from their bedroom to mine.

The screams turn into shadows, haunting my dreams, turning them into nightmares.

It never gets violent; the shadows that parade around my walls are words spoken not to hurt my parents, but to hurt me.

Their truth slips from behind their closed door, where they think I can’t hear them.

But I can, and I do. Even if I don’t want to listen, something inside me tells me I must.

That’s when the words laced with resentment blanket me. Reminding me, this is the only feeling I have ever received from my parents.

The blanket turns weighted, with all the words that creep from under my door and through the walls. The darkness inside me that feeds on the pain begs me to take out my earbud.

To listen.

So that’s what I do.

“You get to live your life, while I’m stuck here, with her. Why do you get to do fun things? Have fancy dinners? Drinks with the guys? Live. While I’m stuck here taking care of her?”

Lilla, my name is L.I.L.L.A.

The power of words, sharp like razors, slicing through the skin, burning deep; you can’t see my wounds, but I feel them. The words roll off their tongues and stick to me like acid.

It is a never-ending cycle of leave, come home, scream, leave, come home, scream. Sometimes, I wonder if he’ll stop coming home?

When my strength finally defeats my darkness, I put back in the earbuds and blast the music that takes me to another place. Closing my eyes, I think about who I would be in another life.

Who would Lilla Lane be?