Chapter 14
Jace
Sitting at the bar was not where I thought I’d be. “What can I get you, good lookin’?” The waitress is pretty, her long spiraled red hair falls down her back, and her emerald eyes shine into mine.
“Water, please.” I can feel my hands shaking, using one hand to still the other.
I look around the room, focusing on the sounds around me, and the small talk fades out, blending with the music.
I focus on the flashing sign above me that reads ‘BAR’.
I shouldn’t be here. The bartender sets down my water, and I watch her eyes as they roam from my five o’clock shadow to my broad chest, drifting to my arms, where the t-shirt begs to rip open.
“Tell me, who broke your heart?” Her words are soft, and she wipes down the bar top, waiting for my response.
“To be completely transparent, I do the heartbreaking. It wasn’t a woman.” Her eyes grow wide. I chuckle at her assumption, “It was work.” She nods her head, pressing her lips together.
“Want something stronger than water?” I look at the water sitting before me, and all I can think about is Lilla, that night on the bridge, and the look she had on her face.
I shake my head no, focusing on the ripples as I move the glass.
All those times I’d see her at parties, always wanting to be one step closer to her.
Then, on my last night home, I had her in my arms, her scent on me, the way her fingers brushed against me, wanting and needing me, then I lost her.
In my trance, I didn’t even hear Hayden sit beside me.
“Hey, man, what are you thinking about?” His bulky legs hit the side of my chair as he moves into his seat.
“Floating.” He hits my back, pulling me from my thoughts of Lilla and lifting a hand for the bartender.
I watch as she pours him a glass of water, before I continue, “That last job, man. It’s got me thinkin’ and I just–I had him in my hands.
” He shakes his head because he knows he was there.
He dragged the man out of the fire; he did his job, but I couldn’t do mine.
“Up. Follow me.” His big hands wrap around my shoulder, pulling me out of my chair. Heading out the door, without a choice. He steers me, using my shoulder like a steering wheel, “We're going to the gym.”
Arriving at the gym, I feel my body begging for release.
For understanding, when there isn’t any.
My mind was a real asshole, playing on my thoughts like chess, determined to take every piece, until I fall.
We sit in the gym putting our phones and street shoes in the lockers.
“When we have bad days, the bar stool isn’t solstice, it's a trap. We can’t find the answer at the bottom of a bottle.
It’s not there. We have the facts. I need you to hear them.
” Hayden stands directly in front of me, giving me no choice but to hear them.
“Fact one, He was a sixty-five-year-old male with arrhythmia. Fact two, he was trapped for fifteen minutes in an inflamed room, breathing in carbon monoxide. Fact three, the asphyxiation started before we got there. It would have taken a miracle for him to survive, Jace, and, last I checked, you don’t have that power.
” I know all of this, but it doesn’t take away the feeling of someone's life stopping in your hands. “We can’t save them all. We can fucking try our best, and you did. You did everything you could do.” He wasn’t wrong.
I tried, I begged, I tried some more. I gave it everything I had, and at the end of the day, it wasn’t enough.
“Thanks for getting me from the bar, and for bringing me back to the facts, because my mind was running with the intrusive thoughts like a fucking field day.” Walking out into the gym, I turn on my headphones and go hard.
Giving it all I’ve got, I expel all the pain, all the thoughts that drive me into the dirt, all the lies my mind wants me to believe, and I replace them with facts.
Because, at the end of the day, that’s all we have.
It’s been a month since I almost slipped, and since then, I’ve been diving into working out and saving everyone I can.
Hayden and I were sitting in the living room when his phone rang, and when he got off the phone, I knew it wasn’t good. “What’s up, man?”
Holding the phone in his hand, he doesn’t even look up, “My dad’s sick, I’ve got to move back home. He’s always been there, man, I can’t leave him, I gotta go.” I stand up.
“Alright, let's pack. I’m coming. He has your back, and I’ve got yours, but when you say home…you mean?” His eyes meet mine as he stands up. That’s when I see it, sadness.
“Mount Marian,” I stop dead in my tracks. Did I hear him right?
I peek into the hallway. “Right, Mount Marian,” the words fall out in a whisper, wrapped in guilt.
He nods his head yes, “I get it if you don’t want to go there. I know it’s where you grew up, and shit went south for you, but I–I have to go.” He starts shoving clothes into his bag.
“No, I’m coming. It just caught me by surprise. What are the chances? It’s been eight years since I was there.” I head back into my room and start packing.
That night, I lay in bed, thinking of going home.
The thought of being close to my folks again brings me joy; I’ve missed them.
Quickly, I shift focus when Lilla comes to mind.
I don’t know what pull she had on me the night I left her, and the words she spoke, ‘just a girl who wants to be loved,’ have torn at me ever since.
She was broke, hurting, in pain, and now I’m a healer.
I want to heal everyone to the best of my ability, and I didn’t get the chance to save her.
Now, I’m going back to the town, where everyone remembers me as a trouble boy, and where she might be.
In the morning, Hayden and I head to the station to talk to the captain to tell him what’s happened. He understood completely and said he’d call the local fire station in Mount Marian for a transfer. He wished us luck, and then we left for the next task of the day.
I went down to our apartment office and spoke with the lovely couple who owns it.
I explained the situation and told them we would pay for the remaining time on our lease, but we would no longer reside there.
They said that as long as we paid the bills this month, we could clean our hands and they would let their granddaughter move in; she’s fresh out of college and looking for a place to live.
Perfect, thirty minutes later, after listening to them talk about how proud they are of her, I head back upstairs to finish packing.
The drive to Mount Marian was long, arriving long after the sun had fallen below the horizon. The darkness blankets the town, reminding me of all the nights I partied beneath the stars. I wasn’t that person anymore; I didn’t want to be.
Hayden told me on the drive that his Dad begged him not to come. Hayden has spent the last four years working towards Captain. There was never a second thought in Hayden’s mind. It was simple; his dad was sick. I understand why we’re here, and I’m going to help in any way I can.
Pulling into the driveway, Mr. Wilder’s house sits on the North side of town, in one of the nicer subdivisions.
The two-story house shone bright, illuminating the driveway and the well-landscaped yard.
Mr. Wilder opens the door just as we step on the porch, inviting us in.
His grey hair sits spiked on his creased dark scalp.
“Mr. Wilder, pleasure to see you again, it’s been a long time.
” Holding out my hand, he takes it, shaking it gently.
“It sure has, thanks for coming along with Hayden here. I’m afraid he’s a stubborn ol’ mule.” Hayden shakes his head, wheeling our suitcases to the bottom of the stairs.
“I’d agree with you under any other circumstances, Sir, but this choice here is the right one.
” Mr. Wilder nods his head, giving us a slight smirk.
I can imagine it’s hard to need help after being self-sufficient for so long.
It’s probably harder to watch your son give up his place in life to help with daily tasks.
We make our way to the kitchen, where we stand around a marble countertop island. Hayden looks at his Dad, “Don’t go wonderin’ old man.” He chuckles and looks up from his fixated, dropped gaze.
“Wonderin’ what?” He moves slowly around the island, for no reason at all, making us laugh.
“Wonderin’ what we’re doing, wonderin’ why I did what I did, and beating yourself up about it.
Simmer down over there, we don’t need you having a heart attack on top of sickness because of all your worryin.
’ Jace and I start work at the fire station here in town on Monday.
I’ll move in here and be able to help around the house, or do whatever you need me to do.
” Taking in Mr. Wilder’s pressed lips, I know he wants to say something.
“Taking care of me isn’t your job.” Before I can make light of the situation, Hayden jumps in.
He leans over to his Dad, placing his hand on his back, “Tough shit, Dad. I’m here; it’s my turn to take care of you. Now go to bed, it’s late.” With that, we all laugh. This is gonna be fun. We all drift out of the kitchen, making our way to our rooms.
Getting into bed, I think about how the town hasn’t changed. It’s almost as if time had stood still. How can a place look the same after eight years, yet feel so different?