Chapter 28 #2
“I think so, I leave him water out all day and night, but I’m gone a lot for work, and when he goes to the bathroom, he lets himself out through the dog door.
When I'm home, I can’t say I see him drink much, but he is eating.
” The rate of my heart speeds up with every word, every syllable.
I can physically feel my heart crash against my chest. I start pacing the floor, while she looks him over.
“I think we should keep him for a bit, give him an IV for fluids, and I’ll also take some blood to check for infection or illnesses that I can’t see.
However, it is more than likely due to his tapeworm.
The medicine is giving him constant diarrhea, which should make him all good.
” I hear what she is saying, but the words aren’t processed.
My mind is flying a hundred miles an hour down a dark road, and I can’t stop the speed.
Lilla’s hands wrap around my biceps, pulling me back from the road I constantly crash on. “Jace, he’s going to be okay.”
Shaking my head, trying to rid the memories, “Are you sure? I can’t lose him, not this dog. I didn’t think I even liked him. Honestly, I hated him; I thought I still did. But now…” Her fingers slide up and down my arm, easing my anxiety and heart rate.
“What happened?” Her ocean blues beg mine for honesty, and I want more than anything to give it to her.
“You just saw me stand before my biggest secrets, one of the many reasons for my almost jump. You can tell me. This can’t be one-sided, but if you're not ready, I’m willing to wait until you are. ”
Taking in a big breath, I look away, finding my words deep down in the places I don’t let myself go.
“I lost someone right before we came here.” Swallowing audibly, she squeezes my arms, “A kid. He ran into an abandoned building that was in flames, after this puppy. And… we saved the puppy, but lost the boy.” I can feel myself on the verge of letting it out, the torture I’ve been slowly killing myself with.
“I tried, I begged him, pleaded with God or whoever could grant my wish to bring him back, but there was no mercy. Yet, I tried harder, even after knowing the chance was zero; I didn’t stop.
I couldn't. How could I? He was a boy who wanted to save this damn puppy, and in turn lost his life, the one I held in my hand for a moment, until his heart gave out, and his body went limp under me.”
The knot in my throat was breaking as my chin quivered.
I bit the inside of my cheek, pushing down the emotions, fighting to set free.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I finally open my eyes, not realizing they had been closed, and when I see Lilla, tears fill her eyes, as her bottom lip trembles.
“I did try to save him, and every day I question if I had done enough, if I did everything right, and every day those questions don’t get an answer.
It's torturous.” Her arms fly around my waist as she pulls me into her.
She squeezes me like it will bring the boy back, holding me tightly, and when my arms come around her petite frame, I feel the slightest bit of relief.
Not in the sense that the pain is gone, in the sense that I don’t have to feel it alone anymore.
She turns her head to the side, resting her ear on my pounding heart, “You did all that you could, and at the end of the day, that is all we can do. You saved his dog; you love his dog. Don’t stop because it feels wrong.
Do it because it’s right, and that sweet boy would have wanted you to.
” Zeus starts zig-zagging between our legs, panting, and jumping on Lilla’s pants.
She picks him up and gives him a big kiss.
“Are you mommy’s boy?” Zeus licks her face like a wild animal, kissing her frantically as his tongue reaches her chin to her hairline at eighty miles an hour—Mommy’s boy.
Heat fills my chest, pulling her back into me.
My hand comes up to her cheek, rubbing my thumb against her cheekbone, “I want to kiss you so bad.”
“Be a good boy tonight, and you might get too.” She leaned her head into my hand, giving me a soft smile.
“Thank you for telling me. I know that must have been hard, but I’m glad you did.
The thing is, Jace, we aren’t the same people we were back then; we have lived without one another.
We know who we used to be, but we need to find out who we are now.
Now go get ready, and pick me up at seven.
” What she doesn’t know is that I love who she’s always been, the girl with flames behind her eyes, the woman with the ability to bring me to my knees, and drop a match to the world around us.
I start to head out, stopping to give Zeus one last pat on the head, “Bye, buddy, I’ll see you later.” Turning to Lilla, who is standing and holding our baby, I gently kiss her cheek. “See you soon, My Phoenix.”
Walking out of the office, I feel her eyes on me. Passing her, my aftershave buzzes from her skin, mixing with her own vanilla scent. Loving the way the two combine, a signature scent of our future home.
My phoenix rose from the ashes, stronger, wiser, and brighter than before. A force with a light so bright she outshines everybody.