Chapter 33 #3
The day passes with rest, rest, and more rest. Jace and I watched a few movies and talked about what’s next and what my clinic needs to be back up and running.
Hayden pulls into the driveway, and he and his dad slowly make it up the stairs. “Hey, sweet girl.” Mr. Wilder slowly moves towards the recliner, which we now call his, tucked in the corner next to the couch.
“Hey, good lookin', how are ya feeling today?” It’s sad to watch him dwindle as the sickness consumes his body.
Little by little, the cancer takes pieces of him, leaving him frail and thin.
His full head of gray hair is now lost from chemo.
His pole legs match his long, slim arms as he presses on his cane, helping him to his chair.
“Another day, what are we watching today?” Hayden helps him get situated, making me laugh. “Can you believe these yahoos trust me to watch over you, when I can’t even get in and out of this chair alone?” He shakes his head while grinning.
Jace walks out, looking incredibly sexy in his tactical pants and short-sleeved shirt, emphasizing his muscles.
Taking in my sight, I watch him as he slides on his boots, lacing them tightly.
My eyes fixate on the way the strings loop between his fingers, and his forearm flexes when he pulls the bow tight.
Jace looks up slightly, catching me, and winking.
Did his tying his shoes turn me on? Yes, yes, it did.
Sending me a sexy smirk, he snickers, “Like what you see?” Yes, I sure do.
Hayden turns to the door, “Let’s go before we’re late, or this pirate tries to jump your bones.”
That makes Mr. Wilder laugh hysterically. “Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m into role play… well, sometimes my wife would dress up like—”
“Dad!” Hayden’s voice is in pure shock, with his brows touching his hairline. “No, absolutely not. You keep that shit to yourself, old man. Jace, let’s go before I have a heart attack.”
Jace comes over to me, kissing my forehead, “Have a good day, baby. See you soon. Drink water. I made dinner for you guys; it’s in the fridge. We’ll be home in the morning.” He gives me one more kiss before following Hayden out. “Be good, Mr. Wilder!” He shouts as he shuts the front door.
The day unfolds as movies play in the background while Mr. Wilder and I talk. We talk about everything, and he never fails to amaze me with his stories and the way he lived his life.
“I was working the night shift at the papermill when our house caught fire. I remember the call and the way it made me feel, with each word, a piece of my heart shattered. I was working, and my wife was dying in a fire, and Hayden was trying to save her. It’s one thing to hold guilt for not being there; it's another to hold the guilt Hayden holds, being right there, yet so far away.
It was rough for both of us at first; we had to learn to live without our foundation, without the one person who held us together like glue.
I feared Hayden blamed me for being at work, and when I sent him to the boys' school, he told me he blamed himself, and that broke my heart.” He shakes his head, looking back on the painful memory.
“You did well, he’s a good guy, your wife would be so proud.”
“I did all I could with a broken heart.”
For the next month, Mr. Wilder and I spent nearly every day together, learning about one another, and he gave me insight and knowledge I’ll hold on to forever.
Growing up without parents, you miss out on deep conversations, the kind that parents use to guide their children.
The conversations that always start with, ‘when I was young’, or the ‘I’m trying to keep you from making the same mistakes,’ and to be honest, those are my favorites.
Those conversations are raw and emotional, and they show just how much he lived and how much he mourned.
What I’ve learned from Mr. Wilder in the last few weeks:
Love and love hard.
Be strong even when everyone, including yourself, tells you otherwise.
Fight for yourself.
Always eat dessert first.
Listen to hear, not to respond. Be a sponge, soak it up, and sit with it. Think about what is said. Once you’ve soaked in it, respond with intent.
Embrace the noise, and lean into the quiet.
Soak in every minute of every day because time is a thief, and when there is no more time, the thief turns around and shines a big light on all the moments you had, and didn’t capture.
So capture every moment, frame it in your mind, and save it for the day when all you have is memory.
This is my favorite. Fight. Fight with your friends, your spouse, your parents, everyone.
Don’t fight to harm with fists or words, fight to grow.
Fight for more love, more compassion, and a better relationship.
Fight to love harder, stronger, and at the end of the day, fight because you are worth it.
I know I said I didn’t need babysitting, but I think Jace knew what he was doing, and in doing so, my mind is clearer, my heart is open, and just maybe my guard has dropped completely. Because, as Mr. Wilder said, listen to hear, and I heard Jace when he said I was his forever.