Chapter 37 #2
Jace’s mom comes in from the kitchen, with her apron still on and a kitchen towel hung over her shoulder.
“Hello, kids, so happy to see you both. Come, hug mama.” She stands with arms wide open for Jace, who embraces her warmly, rubbing her back.
Her head sits just below his chest, her small frame gets swallowed by his hug, and I can tell Jace is everything to his mother.
She moves to me next, grabbing my hand and leading us to the kitchen. “Come chat while I finish dinner.”
I sit at the island. “What can I help you with?” She pulls off the towel and opens the oven.
“Sweetie, I said, come talk, not help. You’re a guest; you don’t need to help with anything. I just love having you both here.” She smiles and pulls out a chocolate cake.
“I can’t believe I never knew Jace was your son. All the times I’ve spoken with you at the clinic, and been here. I am so sorry, I didn’t realize.” My hand slides nervously across the marble countertop.
“You couldn’t have known, I… we didn’t talk about him much in public, and you never walked through the house to get Teddy, you waited outside.
It wasn’t that we didn’t want people to know about him, or what his situation was…
It just broke my heart to speak of him when he wasn’t here.
When we decided to send him away, we were lost. We had tried everything from grounding to taking things away, but he was eighteen, and we could only do so much.
We planned on telling him when he came home that night, but he came home past curfew, and he didn’t have time to prepare or tell his friends, but that was his fault.
” Her voice trails off. My fault, it was my fault he was late.
Layla takes the lid of the crockpot and continues as she stirs, “Every time I thought or spoke of my son, it broke my heart. As a mother, you try to do everything you can to protect and guide your children. I tried my best; looking back, I could have tried harder, but at the time, I did all I could, and I failed. Every time someone would ask about Jace, we would say he went away for school, when really, we had to send him away to be raised by people who could do it better than us.” My heart breaks at her words.
She places the lid back on the crockpot and turns around, wiping down the already clean island.
I reach out, placing my hand on hers, “You did not fail your son. I come from a home where parents were non-existent. To love him the way you love him, to care for him, is everything. You did not fail him, Layla. You saved him. Putting his needs before your own… You needed him here with you, yet you sent him away for him, because you are a remarkable mother.” Her eyes gleam off the overhead lights, as wetness starts to pool.
I rub her hand, and she whispers, thank you.
I admire her strength and her love. To love her son so much that she let him go, with all the hope that he would return to her, having healed the deepest parts of himself.
As I watched her speak about her thoughts, I couldn’t help but think of my own parents and wonder who I would be if they had loved me.
Your parents are supposed to mold you into the brightest and best version of yourself.
They are supposed to love you more than anyone in the world, but mine loved money more.
For Layla to think that she and John failed their son broke my heart.
Failure would have been to let him continue down the darkest path, to keep him here because it’s what they wanted, and not what he needed.
Failure is stepping down when you need to step up; it is being passive instead of aggressive.
It is okay to be aggressive when a situation demands it, and the road Jace was on demanded extra help; he just had to want it.
A moment later, we hear someone walk into the kitchen.
Jace stands with tears in his eyes. He goes to his mom and simply hugs her, no words.
Just a hug and it heals my heart, and I witness it heal his mother's soul. “Mom.” His voice is soft, smothered by the lump he holds back as he swallows hard, and his Adam's apple bobs. “You did not fail me. I know without a doubt that if you didn’t love me enough to send me away, I wouldn’t be here. You saved your son, Ma, when I was too stubborn to want to save myself. So thank you for being selfless with me, and loving me endlessly, because of you, I can sit here and tell you, one day when I have kids, I promise to love them as you have loved me.” His mother tightens her arms around her son, drawing him into her, and his light-blue shirt turns a dark hue where her eyes rest, catching the falling tears.
Layla leans back, grabbing his forearms, looking up at him. She smiles, “I love you, let's eat, sweetie.” She pats his cheek and turns to me, giving me a sweet smile.
He kisses the top of her head and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my neck, hugging me from behind.
Dinner is delicious. We all sit around the table, talking about the future of the clinic and life with Jace and me. His parents look at him so proud of who he is, who he has become, and I can’t help but sit back and do the same.
After dinner and helping his parents clean up, we say our goodbyes and head home.
On the drive, I try to quiet my thoughts, to keep them to myself, but the harder I try, the louder they become.
“Jace.” My voice falls. He reaches his hand over the console and grabs my knee.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry you had to take me home that night; if you didn’t, you would have made your curfew, and you could have told everyone you were leaving, you could have told–” He quickly pulls to the side of the road, putting the truck in park.
He turns to me. “Lilla, look at me.” My eyes look out the window because I can’t look at him.
I need to control my feelings before my eyes meet him, and the cascade I am so desperately holding back becomes a downpour.
“Lilla Lane, eyes on me now.” His voice is demanding but laced with nothing but sweet emotion.
Slowly, I turn towards him, swallowing down the unshed tears.
“Baby, you saved me. I had plans after that party… Kyle and I were supposed to go to a deal; I bought some cocaine from a guy. The plan was to get the coke and go to his house. I had no intention of going home that night.” It’s like his words are slicing his heart as he relives the memory, “ I took you home because I wanted to, because I would have given anything to be near you. I didn’t have to be shipped off; I was eighteen, an adult.
I went because the look in my mother's eyes told me it was time, I went because holding you was all I wanted, and I knew I couldn’t have both.
When I got into your bed, wrapped you in my arms, I realized that you being in my arms was better than any high from any drug.
If I wanted to be addicted to anything, I wanted to be addicted to you. ”
The tears I so forcefully fought back came flooding out, and I no longer had the desire to stop them.
I want to share all my emotions with him; he makes me feel that no emotion is too small to feel.
“Be addicted to me, Jace, forever.” He leans over, placing his hands on my wet cheeks, wiping the tears that fall with his thumb, staring into my eyes, speaking to me without words, promising me forever.
He steals my trembling lips with his, breathing me like his final breath, drinking me in like his last sip of water; he kisses me like he’s never going to kiss me again.
Wrapping my hands around his neck, I pull myself into him, kissing him as if without him I would suffocate, gripping his neck and hair like without the hold I would fall.
Because the truth is, he is my muse, my lifeline, the man I hope is my forever.
He breaks the kiss, keeping his lips touching mine, as he whispers, “I’ll be addicted to you in this life, and every one that comes after. My love for you is eternal.”