Chapter 40 #2
“Like the show? Better get out of here, 'cause you're fixing to get more than you hoped for.” He smiles, and immediately Hayden and I run to the living room laughing at his dad for all the ways he lives.
“Six slices of toast, and six eggs. Damn boy.” Mr. Wilder laughs as I place my eggs on top of my toast.
“I’m a grown boy.” I smile big, while Hayden downed an entire mixing bowl of CaptainCrunch.
“Be lucky that metabolism still works, because one day you’ll grow faster than ya wanna.
” He rubs his stomach now flattened by his cancer, “At one time this stomach used to be as round as a ball, a perfect place for a coffee cup to rest during morning paper reading.” He looks down, reminiscing.
“Cancer takes it all, I’m afraid, but it can’t take my mindset. ”
Pulling me from my thoughts, Hayden stands, twirling a rose in between his fingers.
Then he takes another from the pile and hands one to me.
We walk in sync to the casket, where we both place our roses, while sniffles sound behind us.
Placing my hand on Hayden’s back, I whisper, “We are in this together, brother.” His chin shakes as my words fall.
We stand as we watch those who loved Mr. Wilder place rose upon rose. When the funeral comes to an end, we stand, and the crowd fades out.
Hayden and I wait for everyone to say their goodbyes, and just when we think everyone has left. An older man, coming slowly from the back, approaches the casket. “Hello.” His voice is rough, and he has a patch on his face that is bandaged.
Hayden nods, “Hello, sir, thank you for coming for my Dad.” Hayden wipes a falling tear quickly before it rolls down his cheek.
The man stands taller, shaking Hayden’s hand. “I, um, didn’t know your dad. But I felt like I needed to come.” Hayden takes a step back. “I– ugh, you saved me from the fire, and I wanted to thank you.” Hayden’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, as his eyes grow wide.
“Leave.” Hayden cuts the man off; his demeanor shifts as he balls his fists and wrinkles his forehead.
The old man nods, realizing his timing was neither appropriate nor welcome. Haley and Lilla get back from wandering the field, allowing us time to say our goodbyes. Just as they get to us, Hayden turns without a word and walks away.
After the luncheon that turned into a five-hour-long deal, Hayden didn’t attend.
We finally headed home. Haley rides back to Mr. Wilder's house with us. The car ride is silent, and the air is heavy with sadness. As we step inside, the sound of glass shattering grabs my attention. Lilla and Haley stand back as they watch Hayden break down, pained screams slice through the silence, and anger rages in his tone. “I wasn’t ready!” His voice trembles, “It wasn’t the right time!
I needed more time!” He yells and screams as he crashes glass dishes on the floor, “I was supposed to be here for this one. I was supposed to hold him and tell him everything would be fine. I was supposed to hold him, ME. I failed AGAIN!” He screams, begging to feel something other than hurt, disappointment, and guilt.
Haley steps forward, slowly moving towards him, “Can we talk?” Hayden turns his head towards Haley.
“Does it look like I want to talk?” His chest rises and falls as sarcasm latches onto his harsh words.
“Does it look like I want to know why you were here and I wasn’t?
Does it look like I want to know why you couldn’t just keep him alive, Haley?
! You had one fucking job, and you failed.
” His voice is rising, as is his temper.
Haley starts to cry as tears roll down her face, she crosses her arms trying to hold herself together, before she runs to her room.
Lilla stands there with her jaw dropped and confusion sketched on her face before running after Haley.
“No. Absolutely fucking not, Hayden. You get to be mad, you get to scream, and you get to break shit. You get to feel this shit feeling, but you don’t get to hurt people just because you are hurting.
You just looked at the girl who dropped everything to care for him, who helped you out, and basically said she killed him.
That’s fucked up, no matter how hurt or broken you are.
Be sad, Hayden, be mad, but don’t be a dick.
” I zip past him, as he sits catching his breath, his eyes locked on the floor, his hand squeezing the countertop.
Entering the back bedroom, Haley is sobbing, “Come on, you can stay with us tonight.” She shakes her head no.
“I’m not leaving him. I can take it. I just– it caught me by surprise. It’s been a long day. I’ll stay and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.” I shake my head at her words.
“No, you shouldn’t stay.” I step to the bed, and Haley stands, her hands shaking as they run through her hair.
“I can’t leave, please, Jace, just hear me. I promised… I am staying. Just go. I’ll call if I need anything, if we need anything.” There is no hope in getting her to change her mind. I understand what she is saying. I don’t break promises either.
“Alrighty then, slide over. We’re all sleeping here.”