Chapter 12 #2
Ellie looks over to me as I walk back to the couch and holds a hand out, curling her fingers toward herself a few times as she silently asks for the ice cream.
“This is dangerous, you know,” she warns me.
“You’re setting an awfully high standard for yourself.
I don’t think you know yet how much I care about food. And tacos and ice cream? Hard to beat.”
I hand her a spoon and sit close to her, my thigh bumping her crossed legs that are still facing me. Opening the carton and passing it, I clink my spoon to hers in cheers.
“I think I can handle it,” I say with a smile. And I can. Food? Definitely my specialty.
I’m mentally running through a list of restaurants to get her takeout from when Ellie puts a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.
She leaves the spoon in there, upside down, causing her lips to form an involuntary frown.
It reminds me of Saturday’s conversation again and brings a question to my mind that might be better left unasked.
Ellie scoops more ice cream from the carton she’s holding.
“So what made you agree to…this?” I ask, gesturing between our two bodies with a spoon.
She puts the ice cream in her mouth and smiles around the spoon, shrugging. “The sexth wath really good,” she says, mouth still full.
I laugh and take the carton from her, getting myself a spoonful. Ellie leans forward to set her spoon on the napkin on the table and grabs the remote. She sits back and looks at me.
“I liked hanging out with you on Thursday,” she says with a shrug.
“You handled my proposition better than I imagined, honestly. Kinder than most people would have.” She pauses and smiles at me.
“I mean, the sex was really good, yeah, but the chatting and your little alien movie were really good too.”
I balk at her calling one of my favorite films a little alien movie, but let her continue. At least she enjoyed it.
“I finished it this weekend, since we fell asleep with a little bit left.” Ellie looks at my arm on the back of the couch before refocusing on me. “You were also a very comfortable pillow that night.” She ends with a shy smile, a blush tinting her cheeks.
“I liked hanging out with you too,” I tell her. “And I’m glad you liked the movie.”
Ellie looks between my eyes, passing the remote from hand to hand. “So how come you’re single?”
I hesitate, both out of shock at the question and because I’m not sure why she’s asking. “What do you mean?”
“Are we fishing for compliments again?” Ellie raises a brow and I laugh.
“Hockey, I guess,” I admit. Dumb as it sounds.
“Doesn’t that get you a lot of, uh, suitors? Don’t try to tell me there aren’t any. I won’t believe you.”
If she only knew. I withhold a shudder and think of how to sum it up. “It’s more my schedule and…priorities?”
Ellie’s brow wrinkles. “Aren’t a lot of hockey players married? I’m sure there’s lots of people who would understand the schedule and demands of your job.”
Diving into how my relationships have ended and what could eventually end this one is not really what I wanted to talk about this soon. But maybe being transparent is best so she can set her expectations? The thought depresses me.
Then I remember how I felt leaving her on Friday first thing in the morning and then later in the day too.
I didn’t want to leave. Wasn’t itching to get to the arena like I normally am.
And that was certainly different from before with previous girlfriends, shitty as it sounds. Maybe that’s a good sign?
I try to word this carefully. “Yeah, a lot are. Happily too. I guess what I meant was that for me, I wasn’t able to prioritize my relationships over hockey.
Or didn’t want to, really,” I amend, withholding a cringe.
“Which wasn’t fair to them obviously and is the reason most of them didn’t work out. ”
Ellie seems to mull that over. “What’s most?”
“Like how many?”
“Yeah.”
“Three, I guess? It might depend on if we’re talking length of relationship or seriousness.”
“Those aren’t the same?” Her brow dips low.
“I’d like to think not.”
Ellie tilts her head to the side. “Wouldn’t you say all long relationships are serious? I get that some shorter ones could still be significant.”
“Well, I had a longer relationship with someone, but I think we both knew it wasn’t going anywhere.
She had different long-term plans than I did.
It was convenient, I guess, since we were both content keeping it at that level and ending it when we were ready for something different.
Then the other two varied in length but were more serious.
I thought they might go somewhere eventually, but like I said, my priorities weren’t really in line with theirs, so it didn’t work out. ”
I set myself up here for Ellie to ask about long-term plans.
And while I don’t want to end things before they’ve begun, I also won’t lie to her.
Marriage and kids have always been things I figured I’d get to after hockey, if at all.
Which could be soon, but also may not be.
I realize I’m holding my breath when Ellie asks another question.
“Only three, huh?”
I nod, unsure where she’s going with this. That seems to often be the case with Ellie.
She hums and fiddles with the remote some more. “What about more short-term things?”
“Hookups?”
Ellie nods this time and looks at me expectantly.
“When I first got drafted, I kept things really casual for a few years. But everyone’s warnings from before I joined the league rang true, and those hookups felt…
I was going to say shallow, but it was more than that.
I mean, hookups are often shallow by nature, but I guess these felt almost transactional?
Like they wanted to say they hooked up with Matt Anderson and that was it.
I know it makes me sound na?ve, but I just didn’t like how that felt, I guess.
I suppose the opposite end of the spectrum was more terrifying ultimately. ”
I eat some more ice cream and then set it on the coffee table.
“Terrifying?”
“As a rookie, a lot of the veteran players talked to me about how to handle the spotlight and specifically relationships. They said there are going to be a lot of people that just want the trophy”—I use air quotes—“of saying they hooked up with a professional hockey player. And then there were also the more ambitious types who would be looking to…you know, secure their future.”
Ellie gasps. “You’re talking about girls trying to get pregnant?” she asks with mild horror.
“Yep.” I pop the p, still in disbelief myself that those people exist.
“Is that…something you also dealt with?” Ellie looks distraught at that thought.
“Just once,” I clip out, not wanting to delve into that shit show.
The only reason I left that condom in Ellie’s trash can the other day was knowing she didn’t know who I was yet.
“So, yeah, as you can imagine, the hookups felt insincere and the other stuff was…paralyzing to think about. That’s when I decided I’d listen to everyone’s advice and stick to mutual friends for any kind of romantic involvement. ”
“I see,” Ellie says. She looks deep in thought.
I grab the ice cream and take one more bite, noticing how melted it all is now. I should put it in the freezer. I’m licking a drop off my lip when I notice Ellie track the movement with her eyes. That small glance should not cause blood to rush to my dick the way it is.
“Do you want to watch another movie? You’ve earned enough cred to pick again,” she says, jiggling the remote in her hand.
I shake my head slowly in answer, deciding it’s my turn to look at her lips. They’re pink and a little swollen, probably from the spicy salsa earlier. They part just before she speaks.
“Oh,” she breathes, “something else then?”
She darts her tongue out over them and my resolve snaps. I want to taste those lips again. I move my hand to her face and press my thumb into her plump bottom lip. Fuck.
I grab the remote from her and place that and the ice cream on the coffee table, freezer forgotten. I can buy her more next time. Because there will be a next time.
I lean over and gently bite her lower lip, giving in to temptation. I hold back a groan at her quick intake of breath. Releasing her and sitting back, I wait to see what Ellie wants.