Prologue
ALEXIS
Caught between the memories of the past and the excitement of the future, I find myself waltzing the intricate dance of love and loss.
"Jake would be happy to know you're happy," Maryanne, my would-have-been mother-in-law, whispers softly after I place blue forget-me-nots on her son's snow-covered grave.
Her words carry both empathy and a touch of sadness as she envelops me in a gentle embrace. I appreciate her attempt to uplift me, but deep down, I can't shake the feeling of betraying the memory of the man fate took from me six years ago.
Maryanne has been a pillar of support, more of a mother to me than my own ever was.
When I revealed my recent engagement to Brody, I felt like I was betraying her too, but her unwavering encouragement means everything.
Her response, brimmed with grace, love, and acceptance, alleviated some of the guilt burdening my heart.
She is twenty years my senior, her hair dyed auburn over the years to mask the gray. A bit stout, she bears a resemblance to the actress who portrays Mrs. Weasley. Most importantly, I don't know what I would do without her.
Her brown eyes fall to the other bouquet in my hand. "Are the other flowers for Toby?" she inquires gently.
Tears well up in my eyes, cascading down my cheeks as I nod in response.
"Oh, honey," she embraces me once more, "It will be alright. Toby would be happy that you're happy, too."
Toby's grave lies a mere thirty yards from Jake's. These two men, who loved me deeply, departed from this world far too soon. As I place flowers on Toby's grave, I read the inscription on his headstone, penned with meticulous thoughtfulness by his mother, Eleanor.
In loving memory of a cherished son, devoted brother, faithful friend, and passionate lover.
The fire of love within him filled his whole heart.
Eventually it burned so fiercely it consumed him.
The flames of his love will forever glow in our hearts.
"Did you talk to Eleanor?" Maryanne asks gently as my sobs relent to more quiet cries.
I nod, meeting Maryanne's soft brown eyes. "Yeah, I did. She cried. But she cried when I told her about Jake, too."
Eleanor struggled a lot with losing Toby so young, more so than Maryanne struggled with losing Jake.
Every milestone I have accomplished over the years made Eleanor so proud and happy, but they also left her so incredibly sad.
They are milestones that Toby should also be reaching.
Jake should be, too, but Maryanne is more at peace than Eleanor ever will be.
The snow crunches under our feet as we walk back to the car. Maryanne gently asks about the engagement. "You never told me the engagement story," she prompts.
I laugh softly, still sniffling from tears. "Are you sure you want to hear it?" I tease.
"I do," she insists.
Leaning against her car, the cold air nipping at us, this January day in Baltimore, I recount my history with Brody leading up to the engagement.
"It was New Year's Eve, at midnight," I begin with a smile.
"He took me to this fancy, black-tie party.
At the countdown, when I turned to kiss him, he dropped to one knee and said, 'I've been waiting my entire life to find a woman like you, and I hope you're willing to spend your entire life with me.
' And then he opened the box." I pause, holding up my left hand.
"And you love him?" Maryanne asks, her gaze warm with understanding.
"I do," I affirm. "I'm a little worried because we haven't lived together, but that's part of why I'm moving out there now," I explain.
"Our relationship has been short bursts, often in hotels in cities all over the country.
It might be different when we live together, and I'd rather know that before we get married than after. "
"And you don't have a job or anything, right?" Maryanne inquires, her concern evident.
Shaking my head, I reply, "I know it's crazy, but I gave my job here two weeks' notice. I have some money left from the trust, and the condo is on the market. Plus," I add, meeting her gaze meaningfully, "I need to move away from my parents, and this gives me the perfect opportunity to do that."
Maryanne nods in understanding. "I want you to know that if you ever need anything, please call me. But I hope that you are happy and that you keep me updated."
"I will; thank you for being the mother I never knew I needed," I say, a genuine smile on my face as I hug her tightly.
"Well, you are the daughter I didn't know I needed either," she replies with a warm smile.
***
Walking through my condo one final time, I'm thankful for the professional movers I enlisted.
It's a weight off my shoulders knowing that my belongings are organized—some tucked away in my parents’ basement, others entrusted to my friend Georgia, and the remainder making their way to suburban Denver on a truck that is also hauling my car on a trailer.
With my flight departing in just six hours, I anticipate Brody picking me up from the airport on the other end.
"You ready?" Georgia asks with a smile.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I reply, returning her smile.
For over fifteen years, Georgia has been my unwavering rock, a constant presence in my life, especially during times when family dynamics have proven challenging.
We forged our bond on the softball field, spending countless hours together, forming a connection that has more than stood the test of time.
I've had other girlfriends, but none that I was extremely close to, besides her.
Georgia's beauty is striking—smooth, dark ochre skin that seems to defy the passage of time. Gone are the days of small braids she wore under her batting helmets; now, she wears her hair natural, a perfect match to her effortless allure.
Like me, Georgia maintains her athletic physique, a testament to the years we spent competing at a high level. Despite being considered short within our athletic circles, standing at five feet seven inches, we're not exactly short in the grand scheme of things.
In the airport drop-off zone, I know we can't linger, but I hug her tightly and say, "I'm going to miss you so much. Once I feel settled, come visit me?"
"Absolutely." She smiles back, her tone teasing. "Don't forget about me, bitch."
"I won't, and I'll come visit you too," I assure her with a short laugh.
Less than two hours later, I am boarding a plane to start my new life.