3. Morgan
THREE
Morgan
Cole didn’t have the energy to eat, let alone kick Seb’s ass.
He shed his gear and fell into bed without eating, and hasn’t moved since.
He’s been up longer than all of us, thanks to his shift at the wheel.
Alejo went straight to his room too, so upset about lassoing Javi that even his mustache drooped.
I already polished off the carne asada Javi’s mom meal-prepped, and want to go the fuck to sleep, but Seb is taking his sweet time, even though I arranged for Wes to watch the wheel.
Across the dining booth, Lawrence teeters on the brink of sleep with his chin propped on his palm, blond hair curtaining his face, burrito forgotten on the way to his mouth. His eyes close.
On the bench beside him, Javi chugs a Gatorade, and tracks Lawrence’s trajectory from the corner of his eye. A wave slams into Briar’s side. Lawrence’s chin slides off his palm, but Javi is ready and waiting to guide his head to rest on the table.
“If the roles were reversed, he would have let you face-plant into your burrito,” I say.
Javi laughs. “He totally would have.”
Our sleep debt is so bad, we’ve all fallen asleep in strange places—except for me. I wish I could doze in the gear room on a pile of coiled rope like the rest of them, but Cole is the only person I feel safe enough to sleep next to, and only with the door to our room closed.
Lawrence is the opposite. His doctor says he doesn’t have narcolepsy, but he’s fallen asleep with his dick out standing over the toilet.
He’s fallen asleep in the engine room while holding a flashlight for me during a blackout.
He even fell asleep in the shower with his toothbrush still in his mouth, then fell out of the stall when the boat took a roll.
As long as he doesn’t do it when he’s operating heavy machinery, I don’t care.
The flashlight he dropped on my head hurt, though.
The hull groans as it lifts and smacks down on a wave. Lawrence slides off the table and Javi guides him onto his side on the bench.
Finally, wood creaks as Seb descends the narrow staircase.
“You wanted to talk to me?” he asks without preamble.
Javi scoots out of the booth. “I’ll come back for him later.”
Once Javi leaves, Seb leans his back against the galley counter. “Go ahead.”
“You’re fucking with Cole’s head and pushing all of us too hard. Someone is going to get hurt.”
He rolls his blue eyes exactly the same way Cole does. “You’re overthinking it.”
I shouldn’t have told him about my bad feeling. I just wanted him to keep a closer eye on Cole.
“It’s going to be fine, Morgan.”
“I’m sick of Morrissey brothers telling me it’s going to be fine. I’m the deck boss. I know what the conditions are out there. If you don’t agree with my judgment, come down from the wheelhouse and work the deck until you remember what it’s like.”
“You can’t talk to a captain like that. If you were on anyone else’s boat—”
“But I’m not on anyone else’s boat, and I’m not talking to my captain.
I’m talking to my best friend. We all want to get home as soon as possible.
It’s not like we’re lazy. It’s about safety.
You need to trust us when we tell you it’s too much.
You need to trust Cole more too. Let him own his decisions, let him make mistakes so he can learn. ”
“He makes plenty of mistakes all by himself.”
“And you haven’t?”
“That’s different. Cole’s always been…”
“Cole is Cole, but he cares about everyone’s safety, and he doesn’t need you protecting him.”
Seb quirks a brow. Yeah, I know. I’m being a hypocrite. At least I have the excuse of being his husband.
“He wants your approval, Seb. He always has, and when you take over, he takes it personally. It’s stunting him at the throttle.”
Seb rubs the back of his neck. “Did he say something?”
“No. He just has that kicked puppy look.”
Cole’s cute like that. It’s some sort of defense mechanism. He’s just as capable and strong as the rest of us, but he’s so sweet and happy all the time that if you hurt his feelings, you feel like the world’s biggest asshole.
“Shit,” Seb says.
“What’s going on? You can talk to me.”
Dan Morrissey died six years ago. It was hard on all of us, and at first, I thought Cole took it the worst. He went on a self-destructive, alcohol-induced bender, but at least he expresses his emotions.
Sometimes that’s overwhelming and explosive, but it’s better than keeping all of that grief locked inside.
Seb didn’t grieve Dan, and he didn’t grieve Lexie either.
Gravity drags me back as Briar climbs another monster wave. I stretch my legs under the table, stopping Lawrence before he rolls off the bench. The next wave sideswipes the starboard side. The pantry door swings open, and boxes of cereal, pasta, and protein bars tumble out.
Seb sucks air through his teeth. “Who forgot to lock this?”
“Probably Lawrence.”
Seb kneels and picks up the boxes. He and Cole both have the same messy cowlick on the back of their heads.
“I just want to get this shit over with.” Seb stands.
“I hate leaving Finn, and I really need to get this season on the books.” He crams the boxes back in, and slides the bar into the lock on the pantry door.
“That broken prop emptied my savings, and I’m still paying the bills from my torn rotator cuff. ”
Medical bills are no joke. It’s expensive to insure a fisherman, and the plans don’t cover much.
“I had to pull money from my mortgage, and I can’t afford to abandon crab traps under the ice. I need every dollar.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” I don’t know why I asked. Pride. God love my best friend, but he doesn’t have to be strong all the damn time. “It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to ask for it.”
“I don’t want to need help.”
“I know, but we’re a family. We help each other. You taught me that, remember?”
When my uncle kicked me out, I left with the clothes on my back and what I could carry in my backpack. I hated taking handouts, especially when Seb had already given me a place to stay.
“I should be self-sufficient by now,” Seb says.
“You are self-sufficient. You’re a single parent, and we’re your village.”
Cole and I split all the Briar’s bills with Seb, and already paid for our half of the twenty-grand in prop repairs, but we have plenty to spare. Crab fishing is lucrative. If you don’t have kids, expensive hobbies, or a drug problem, there’s only so much you can spend.
“How much money are we talking about?” I ask.
“Twenty-nine grand.” Seb winces. “Give or take. That’s just the medical bills, but if I don’t catch up on my mortgage, I could lose the house.” He scrubs his face with his hands.
“How far behind are you?”
“Twelve K.”
I pull out my phone and transfer the money over. “There’s twelve grand. I’ll talk to Cole, but we should be able to float you the rest until you can pay us back.”
“That’s too much.”
“Nah. You’re not going anywhere. I know you’re good for it.” I pocket my phone. “If anything catastrophic happens with Briar, we can always sell Cole’s truck. He hates driving anyway.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and blinks up at the fluorescent lights. “Thank you. It’s been really hard lately.”
“I know, Seb.” I climb to my feet and clap him on the shoulder. “Life hasn’t been fair to you, but we’re here for you. We love Finn and we love you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Cole says with a yawn, leaning against the doorframe in nothing but my gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips. “I love Finn. That’s all I’m gonna say.” He winks at me, and grins like he knows exactly what his little outfit is doing to me.
I drag my head out of the gutter of Cole’s abs before I get another awkward boner in front of Seb, and busy myself clearing the table.
The hull groans as we careen over another wave.
Saltwater splashes against the round window over the sink.
Lawrence rolls off the bench and hits the floor with a thump.
“Shit. Sorry, Lawrence. I forgot you were there.”
“’s okay,” Lawrence slurs, sits up, and bumps his head on the underside of the table. “Ouch.”
Cole’s confused grin turns to glee as he looks under the table. “Lawless, what are you doing down there?”
“No clue.” Lawrence climbs out, blinking blearily. “Where’s Javi?”
“Probably asleep in the bunk over yours,” I say. “He didn’t want to wake you up.”
Lawrence braces himself on the table, then staggers toward the hall. Silence falls, or as much silence as can be found surrounded by violent seas.
“Hey. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier,” Seb tells Cole.
Cole shrugs. “It’s okay. I screwed up.”
“You didn’t.” He looks at the waves roiling outside the window, then back. “I’m too hard on you, but I don’t want to be like Dad.”
Cole does that puppy dog eye thing again. “I’m sorry.”
Seb whacks the top of Cole’s head with a half-used paper towel roll. “How do you listen to all of that and blame yourself? I’m sorry.” He pulls Cole into a side hug. “You get the worst of my moods because you’re the only person I feel safe to vent them to.”
Cole’s brow wrinkles. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, but I’ll do better. I promise. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks for saying that.” Cole hugs him fully. “You’re nothing like Dad,” he adds when they part. “And don’t worry about the cash. We’ll sell Morgan’s truck. It’s worth twice as much as mine.”
“Haha,” I deadpan.
Briar takes another rough wave.
Seb sighs. “That’s my cue.” He pours coffee into a fresh mug. “I better get back to the wheel.”
After Seb leaves, Cole crosses his arms over his chest, framing his pecs, and says, “I don’t know what you were laughing about before. I was serious about selling your truck.”
“Let’s go talk about it then.” I toss the towel onto the counter. “We can go over rail safety, while we’re at it.”
Cole leads me down the hall, and lowers his voice to a sultry octave. “Will there be railing involved?”
“Get your ass inside and stop talking about sex in the hallway.” I open the door to our room and lock it behind us.
“Thanks, Morgan,” Lawrence says from the other side of the wall. “If you can keep it down in your room too, I’d appreciate it.”
“I don’t know how they can even fuck after thirty hours on their feet,” Javi mutters.
“The dick must really be that good,” Lawrence says.
“Talk about either of our dicks again, and you’ll lose yours,” I say with no bite.
Cole’s lips quirk into a smirk. “But the dick really is that—”
I cover his mouth with my hand. Mirth shines in his eyes, every bit as warm as the sunshine I nicknamed him for, and his laughter huffs against my palm. His love and happiness has always healed the scars my parents’ abandonment left me with, but tonight the fear of losing him wins out.
I want to bury myself under his skin, braid together the strands of our DNA, and devour him so I can keep him safe until we get on dry land. But I can’t do that, so I lower my palm and kiss him.