28. Cole #3
Nerves squirm in my stomach like I swallowed a live fish. I stand on my tiptoes, craning my neck to see over the rail even though the trap hasn’t breached the water’s surface yet. I based this string of crab traps on the notes Seb left on where he wanted to fish this season.
“You know you could have a bird’s-eye view up there in the wheelhouse,” Morgan says.
“And miss the day with you? No.”
Lawrence whistles a catcall, the cue that we’re onto good crab. We have our own language out here. Another reason to keep the crew together.
My heart relaxes, but I’m solely unprepared for the sight of the pot brimming with crab that rises over the rail.
It’s one of the biggest hauls we’ve ever had.
It’s a bittersweet moment. I feel Seb here, a hand on my shoulder, a promise that I’ll make it through.
But next year I won’t have his notes. I’ll have to plot our course without him.
Tears fill my view. Ever since I started crying, I cry at the drop of a hat, like my stifled tears are a debt I’m paying back.
“Come here.” Morgan lifts an arm and gestures for me to stand between him and the hydraulic controls. He perches his head on my shoulder, brushing the stubble of his beard against my cheek.
“We did it,” I say, and I could have said so much more, but it feels like a miracle to still be here, to have my husband with me, and full pots of crab promising we’ll go home soon.
“You did it.” He kisses my cheek. “I’m so proud of you. Seb would be too.”
This time, I believe him.
I slide out from under his arm, and help sort crab at the table that nearly killed me. It’s fixed now, and we’ll never make the mistake of working through a storm like that again. My gratitude grows with each pot we pull, and my faith in the ocean replenishes with each empty pot we send back down.
A few hours in, Javi trades places with Alejo, volunteering to work the bait station—probably to get away from Lawrence. Finally, a chance to talk to him alone.
I follow him over. “Hey, Javi.”
Javi forces a block of frozen fish down the grinder. “Yeah, captain?”
“Not captain. Cole, your friend.” I fill an empty bait bag with the fish he chopped. “What’s going on? I’m worried about you.”
He grinds the rest of the giant fishsicle before answering. “I’m not coming back for opilio crab. I’ll do bairdi, but after that, I’m done. Done period. I won’t be back next year.”
I don’t know why it feels like a rejection of me, but it hurts almost as much as when Morgan said he wouldn’t fish with me.
“Can you tell me why? Is it because of last year? Or because of me, maybe?”
“No. I’m glad you and I started talking again,” Javi says. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
We both fall silent as we stuff more bags with bait.
“Is it because of Lawrence?” I ask.
His black stubble twitches as he clenches his jaw. “No.”
“Hurry up, bait boys!” Lawrence calls. “We’re playing buoy dodgeball.”
“No, we aren’t,” Morgan says.
Lawrence hurls the buoy at Morgan, who snatches it out of the air and nails him with it.
Javi ties off the last bag. “Gabi’s pregnant.”
“Holy shit.” I swing toward him, keeping my voice low as I add, “Congrats, brother.”
He doesn’t smile.
“Does Lawless know?”
Javi shakes his head, eyes on Lawrence laughing at Alejo’s ridiculous barrel roll to avoid the buoy. Alejo lobs the buoy back. Lawrence catches it and hurls it toward Javi. It lands at his feet.
“No dodgeball on deck,” Javi yells.
“OSHA doesn’t have jurisdiction on the ocean,” Lawrence yells back.
Javi ignores him, and the buoy rolling in front of his feet. I can tell I’m losing him, and if Lawrence comes over, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get him this vulnerable again, so I take the buoy, and throw it wide so Lawrence has to fetch it like a dog.
“Are you going to marry her?” I ask.
“I love her.”
“I didn’t ask if you loved her.”
“Marrying her is the right thing to do.”
“Not if you love Lawrence too.”
Javi glances at me.
“He didn’t tell me, but I know my friends.”
“Hey Cole!” Lawrence shouts. “Catch.”
I swing back toward the deck, but not in time to catch the buoy before it hits me in the stomach.
“Lawless, what the fuck?” Morgan shouts.
“Asshole,” I mutter.
Javi picks up the buoy and throws it at Lawrence’s dick, landing his mark. Lawrence doubles over.
Morgan takes the buoy and slaps Lawrence on the back. “You deserved that.”
“First marker coming up,” Wes says over the PA.
Javi grabs the bait bag and a fresh cod and heads for the rail.
“Javi, wait.”
“Yeah?” He stops and turns, dark eyes guarded.
“Don’t get back together with Gabi yet. Tell Lawrence.
He deserves to know. Then, maybe you guys can try for real.
You’ll both be fishing for bairdi, so it’s the perfect time.
And if you’re still not sure how you feel, see how you react to staying home while he does opilio.
You already know how to live without Gabi, but you’ve always had Lawrence.
Well, except for when he was locked up.”
There’s no need to elaborate. We both know Javi barely survived that separation. The only person who doesn’t know is Lawrence.
Maybe Javi needs a reminder.
Javi’s dark brows dart inward, lips tightening into a grimace. “Maybe.”