14. Fourteen
This is definitely the longest shower I’ve ever taken in my life, and I am doing my best to soak in every beautiful second of it. I’m surprised no one has come in to demand I get out or even check in on me, but I’m far too wrapped up in this little luxury to care.
Everything about it is amazing. The consistent heat covering me along with the steam weighing down the air makes me feel like I’m being cleansed down to my soul. And the soap! It lathers between my fingers so well, and doesn’t leave behind a gross film. Most importantly, it smells amazing. A rich pine and earthy scent I never want to stop smelling. The fact that the soap is scented at all makes me feel like some kind of royalty after the constant antiseptic smell that coated my entire world.
Even though I can’t really clean my whole body with one of my wrists broken, it feels like years of grime have melted off of me. Now I’m out of those sterile rooms, now that the sun can touch me, my skin can finally breathe.
I’m not sure how long it takes, but I finally feel refreshed enough to step out of the shower, careful not to slip on the steam slicked tile beneath me.
The cool air makes me shiver as I wrap my hair in the same way my mom taught me when I was little. Bending and twisting it all up in a towel before piling the whole thing on the top of my head. I struggle to do it with one arm, but I feel a surge of pride when I manage to get it to sit on top of my head. It’s not perfect, I’ve missed a few pieces that stick to the sides of my face and neck, but it’s close enough.
When I look in the mirror, I see her for a second. I see my mom in the shape of my lips, the deep brown of my eyes. I miss her so much. I miss all of them, but more importantly I miss remembering them. Of everything John has taken away from me, I grieve the memory of my family most. Maybe if they didn’t take me away, I would have been with a family member. Maybe someone could tell me stories or show me pictures of them and their lives. Hell, I can’t even remember if I had family outside of who was in that minivan.
I have to shove down the sadness, I haven’t cried about her in years, I refuse to do it today. Not when I’m experiencing my first tastes of freedom.
I stop my thoughts before they can spiral further, clenching my jaw to distract from the lump building in my throat.
I glance at the filthy t-shirt I left on the counter and cringe internally at the thought of putting it back on. For a second I consider walking out into the room without covering myself up, letting the cool air drift over my clean skin. It wouldn’t be all that different than what I’m used to. But there’s so much different about today, so many freedoms I’m already getting to experience. I don’t want to let go of the little bit of privacy I’ve found.
Instead of nudity, I opt for another towel I pulled from the small cabinet beneath the sink. It isn’t quite big enough to wrap fully around myself, but with a little maneuvering the cloth covers what I want it to. Only a strip of my thigh is exposed if I can hold it right and keep the towel pinned tightly beneath my armpits.
The steam from the shower wafts out around me as I open the door, and I gasp, stunned by the shock of cold air hitting me for the first time in who knows how long.
Tucker, true to his word, is sitting on the bed, typing something out on his phone. When he looks up, he’s like a deer in headlights and something about his stare makes me feel powerful, if only a little. My presence is commanding his attention so thoroughly I don’t realize we’re not alone.
“Holy shit, Princess,” comes from the opposite side of the room.
I jump, practically flinging myself two feet into the air and dropping the towel I’d been tightly holding around myself.
“Fuck!” I scramble to get the towel, careful not to swing my still shattered wrist too much. Sure, I’ve been seen naked thousands of times, by what I can only assume would be hundreds of people, but it was never a surprise. It was always in a cold and clinical environment. Definitely not anywhere as casual as a real bedroom occupied by two very real men. The pain of my freshly broken wrist is nothing compared to the abject mortification of accidentally flashing both of them.
Tucker, to his credit, is looking at the wall in the most exaggerated way he can. While Ray is openly gawking and visibly trying to repress a laugh, his smirk pulling all of my attention to his dimple.
”I was fine with the little towel, you didn’t have to drop it on my account.”
“Shut up, Ray,” Tucker snaps, but he doesn’t look over to him, and he’s maintaining the near comically averted gaze he’s centered on some point on the opposite side of the room.
“She’s covered herself up, Tuck, you’ve successfully preserved your innocence.”
Rayner is leaning against the wall, looking every bit the casually cocky man. He’s wearing a sleeveless shirt and his arms are crossed over his chest, putting on display a ton of tattoos I hadn’t noticed before, as well as a small bit of gauze covering the graze I gave him. I can’t help but smile at the sight of it, proud that I managed to do even this little bit of damage only minutes after waking up.
“Silas grabbed some clothes while he was out,” Tucker cuts in, and I look back at him, realizing he’s sitting next to a pile of neatly folded clothes. “Let me splint your wrist, and we’ll head out so you can change.”
“Nah, I think I wanna stay,” Rayner teases, cementing that smirk back onto his face.
Before I can think of a clever retort, Tucker’s already up, pushing his friend out the door.
“Alright, alright. Next time, Princess.” Ray shrugs him off and sends a wink my way. My breath hitches in response and I tighten the grip on my towel with my good arm.
”Sorry about that, he’s just… well, he’s Ray. You’ll get used to it.” Something pangs in my chest realizing his flirtations and teasing didn’t show up just for me. Something else, something that feels a lot like jealousy, also swirls around at that same thought, but I try to brush it away as soon as it starts to make itself known.
Why the hell do you care, Madeline?
“It’s okay. If I wasn’t dying of embarrassment, I would think it was kind of funny.”
He adjusts my arm between us and cuts his eyes upward, a little amusement starting to show. “Yeah, I guess so. Could you hold this still for me?”
I do as he asks, but take an extra second to make sure my towel is securely wedged beneath my armpits while he pulls a thick roll out of a canvas bag he had sitting by his feet. He has to work to unfurl it, but the wrap holds its position when he does, and he gently raises it up to meet my forearm.
“Go ahead and support the whole thing for a second,” he instructs as he pulls a roll of elastic wrap and carefully starts to wind it around my wrist, keeping his focus intense. When he finishes, he lets out a breath as if he was holding it, like somehow his breathing too hard was going to hurt me more than the process of tending to my broken wrist.
I’m grateful for the attention he’s paying to me, and for the care he’s showing by making sure that I’m cleaned and splinted, so I don’t tell him his gentleness is somewhat pointless. No one’s ever shown me this kindness. No one has ever worried that their touch might hurt me. Not with everything else they’ve put me through. Not when my body would piece itself together on its own.
The perfect torture subject, always a clean slate in a matter of days.
“Alright, all secured.”
“Thank you, Tucker.”
“Always.” He pauses, looking at me like he’s begging me to understand his statement. Like he really will always help me. “Come downstairs when you’re dressed, dinner should be ready soon.” Tuck shuts the door behind him, and I’m alone again. Unmonitored for the second time today. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to it, but I’m not sure I want to. I want to revel in it every chance I get.
I drop the towel on purpose this time, and let myself soak it in. It’s so freeing to be purposefully, unhurriedly naked in my own space, letting my skin feel the cool air lazily move around the room. It’s something I never thought I would get the chance to enjoy. It would have been a defiant act in the facility, not quickly readying myself after being cleaned. A little rush flows through me at the thought. I’m not defying any orders, but I feel the thrill all the same.
The stack of clothes in front of me, while mostly black, has more variety than anything I’ve worn since before John took me. Pants in different cuts, some with more pockets than I even know what to do with, some made from incredibly soft and stretchy material. T-shirts and tank tops, and… underwear. Lots and lots of underwear. There are maybe seven pairs of pants, a few sports bras, about fifteen shirts, but for some reason, like thirty pairs of underwear with a surprising array of shapes and colors.
I don’t really know any of the guys here, but I especially don’t know Silas. At least two of them have seen me stark naked, but the idea of this man bringing me a pile of panties is too much to wrap my head around.
I grab the top pair of underwear and slip on one of the black stretchy pairs of pants and a gray tee, foregoing one of the restrictive looking sports bras sitting in their own pile on the bed. I may not want to run around the whole house naked, but I’m not ready to let go totally. I want to stay in this blissful freedom a little while longer, I don’t want to feel strapped down.
I hurry down the stairs, holding my chest as I take the steps, almost regretting my decision not to put a bra on.
That sense of relief and freedom vaporizes as I near the bottom of the stairs, the four men coming into view. The energy down here is outright oppressive. For a moment I almost feel bad Tucker and Ray were down here while I was luxuriating upstairs.
Dane and Silas look pissed. Tucker looks like he’s just been scolded, and Ray looks unbothered, if not slightly amused by whatever the hell it is I missed.
I’m highly considering sneaking back upstairs, begging that my presence has gone unnoticed, when they all swing their attention to me as I reach the bottom step, the wood creaks under my weight, and I curse myself for coming down in the first place.