Chapter 28 #2
He yanks his shirt off his arms and doesn't stop kissing me, kicks off his shoes and doesn't stop kissing me. The only time he stops is to get rid of his pants and socks, but he's back on my mouth so fast it's almost like he never stopped at all.
Jasper is naked, completely naked, while I'm still fully dressed, but I don't care about that right now. I push him toward the bed, and he lifts my dress, his hands heavy on my thighs and ass as he sits down and pulls me onto his lap.
The moment I sit, I feel his hard erection pressed against my skin, pulsing for me, because of me.
I can’t wait anymore.
I'm still wearing my dress. I'm still wearing my high heels.
But I can't stand the thought of stopping to undress, so I simply push him backward, and Jasper slides across the comforter until he's stretched out on the bed, head on the pillow, my body draped over his, the thin fabric of my panties brushing against his hard cock that I've come to know as well as the back of my hand.
He lets out a heavy breath when I press harder, and I answer with a moan.
No. I can't wait another second.
I push my panties aside with one hand and guide him inside me with the other, watching his eyes squeeze shut and his lips tighten as I slowly sink down onto him, so wet there's no resistance at all, until I can feel every inch of him inside me.
Yes.
I rock back and forth, pressing my mouth to his in a messy kiss.
Yes. He groans softly against my lips. Yes. My body keeps moving, a steady rhythm of in and out, his hand braced on my hip to keep me anchored in place and maintain the pace even when I'm too dizzy with pleasure to do it myself.
The house is full and everyone is awake by now, so I'm trying to stay calm. Trying to stay quiet. Every time a louder sound threatens to escape, I lower my head and kiss him again, and every noise dies between our mouths.
Still, I can only be grateful that there's already music playing downstairs. The trendy violinist Mila hired, the one with the acrylic violin and the neon bow, layering famous songs beneath the sweep of the strings.
But the beat of the music downstairs only makes my heart stumble even harder.
Fuck, dinner has already started. Everyone's down there by now.
Is it normal that this turns me on even more?
The feeling that this is something forbidden, something hidden, while at the same time belonging entirely to us. Life carrying on downstairs while we're up here, inside our own world, lost in each other as though nothing else exists in the universe beyond this.
I pick up the pace, feeling that delicious ache that says there's no more room left, not a single inch of me that he hasn't already filled.
Feeling skin sliding against skin. Feeling the warmth of his body beneath mine.
That quiet look in his eyes, letting me do whatever I want.
Letting me pour everything out. Letting me satisfy every ounce of this craving, every bit of this hunger I have for him.
And I accept.
I accept the power. I accept the opportunity.
I move however my body wants to move, the pleasure building, growing inside me until it becomes unbearable, until every muscle draws tight and starts warning me that I'm about to come.
I feel the moment I begin clenching around him, and Jasper grips me harder, locking a hand around my hip while I tremble. His fingers are tangled in my panties, pulling at the fabric so hard it feels like it could tear at any second.
I drag my tongue across his jaw and lower my mouth to his neck. By the time I reach his shoulder, the kiss turns into a bite, and it's with my teeth sunk into the muscles there that I start coming, swallowing every cry and groan that wants to break free.
Jasper waits until I stop shaking before sliding my panties down over my butt. He slips out of me long enough to work them down my thighs and remove them completely. Then he reaches toward the nightstand and grabs a condom.
It’s only that my brain seems functional enough to say, "I didn't even give you time to put one on. Sorry."
He hooks a hand around the back of my neck and kisses me.
"It's okay."
Then he kisses me a little more.
"I trust you. Do you trust me?"
I nod. Does he really think I don't? At this point? Even so, he tears open the wrapper.
"But I'm wearing it because I want to stay inside you until the end," he says, rolling the condom on. "I don't know if I'll be able to pull out if I'm feeling all of you."
It sounds like the most sincere declaration of love anyone has ever made to me.
I climb back on top of him, one leg on either side, and Jasper sits up, adjusting me around him. Slowly removing my dress. Finally leaving me naked enough so he can reach my breasts with his mouth.
He's taking control now, with far more patience and skill than I had, but he's doing it gradually, allowing me to choose the rhythm as he goes inside me again.
I stay on top, seated all the way down, while Jasper keeps pulling me closer and closer in a way that doesn't even seem physically possible.
My body fills with fresh desire as the movement draws us together.
My legs are already fluttering uncontrollably, tightening around him with every downward motion, easing just enough on the rise only to pull him closer again the next second.
A rough groan follows my moan as he lowers his mouth to my breasts, drawing me closer as he shifts his weight over me, easing me onto my back against the mattress. He adjusts our positions, thrusting deep inside me all at once, only to surprise me with slow movements.
Slow and heavy.
Slow and deep.
Slow in a way that makes every nerve ending in my body come alive, aching for more.
I want to lose my mind. I want to throw myself into him, abandon every last shred of restraint, but then he pulls back just enough to look at me, and all that desperation disappears.
All of it.
The only thing left is a terrible ache in my chest, and I think I might die.
I think I might die when he looks at me like that. I think I might die because he's moving so slowly with my legs wrapped around him, holding us together. I think I might die because I'm suddenly certain that, right here and right now, we're no longer just having sex.
We're doing something else.
Exactly like he said.
I try to breathe, but it feels as though all the air in the universe has been pulled away, leaving me with nothing but shallow, helpless breaths. A soft moan escapes me, then another, and another, constant and impossible to stop.
If this is only sex, then why the hell is he looking at me like that?
Dark eyes, dark as midnight, staring right into mine. Quiet, yet somehow restless all the same. Lost, as though he's searching for something he can't quite name.
Of all the words I could use to describe Jasper Hassmann, lost would never have been one of them.
But that's exactly what he looks like tonight.
Lost and ruined, like someone who's trapped inside a fire and can't find a way out.
My heart answers with a different kind of pain. Different from the frantic pounding, different from anything I've ever felt before. Different in a way that leaves me burning from the inside out.
Fucking burning.
As if I'm the fire.
As if I’m the reason why he's lost.
As if I’m the reason why he keeps sinking deeper and deeper, above me, around me, completely lost in me.
"I lied when I said I was always in control," Jasper says, his mouth struggling to put words to what his eyes have been saying for far longer. "I'm not in control, Julie. I never am when it comes to you."
My heart clenches.
Something breaks inside me.
Something breaks, and something else is born in its place.
"And it's not true that I only do what I want, either." He presses his forehead against mine. "Every day you walk out of this room, I don't want to let you go. But I do."
Jasper keeps talking as he holds me close, his voice breaking between moments of calm and ragged breaths.
"But if you asked me right now..." He closes his eyes and, when he opens them again, he looks more vulnerable than I've ever seen him. "I'd leave everything. The dinner. The wedding. My whole life back in New York. I'd leave all of it just to stay here."
And I don't know... I have no idea what to do with that.
So I do nothing. I only pull him closer.
Jasper buries his face against my neck, his breath hot against my ear, quiet words dissolving into harsher sounds as the intensity between us builds. His hold tightens, his control slipping piece by piece, until I can no longer tell whether it's me trembling or him.
I don't even know what happens next because, all at once, he stops. The pressure inside me and over me eases, and he pulls back slightly, as if he needs to catch his breath.
"What is it?" I ask, forcing myself to get out of our daze.
"I don't want to come," Jasper replies, pulling away a little farther.
"Why?"
"I don't want this to end yet."
"Jasper..." I want to tell him it's okay, that he can let go, but the words get stuck in my throat. Then I lose myself completely because he starts moving again, slowly, every motion measured, making a colossal effort to keep himself under control.
The rhythm gradually picks up, and a new wave of pleasure starts washing over me. My moans follow every thrust, growing louder and louder as the pace increases. I can feel his muscles tightening, his body growing more rigid above me.
He's close.
He's so close.
Then he stops again.
And looks at me with a kind of calm desperation, if such a thing even exists.
"Jasper..." I whisper, my voice soft and breathless at the same time as I try to reassure him. "You can come."
His mouth finds mine again.
Lips on lips, tongue on tongue. This time slower. Deeper.
"It doesn't have to end here," I say, but I can feel him shortening the movement again, stopping right outside my cavity, holding back from sinking fully into me. "You can still do this whenever you want. You can come inside me whenever you want."
I say it, and he shudders.