Chapter 31 #2
“She didn’t want just that, Jasper! Wake up! She spent the entire trip practically throwing herself at you.”
“So what? I didn’t do anything, did I?”
No? I don’t know? How would I know, damn it?
Well, from the expression on his face, the answer is obvious.
Jasper takes a deep breath. Then blinks again, this time much slower. It’s almost as if he forgot how to open his eyes.
When he does, you can see he’s trying very hard to stay calm.
“I specifically told you to ask me. Anything you wanted to know, I told you to ask me, didn’t I?”
I nod, only because I can’t move more than that. And because he really seems to be waiting for an answer.
“So, instead of talking to me like a normal person, you decided to switch the stupid seats just out of spite?”
No. Maybe. Yes.
“I switched them because Mila asked me to. She thought there was a thing between you two,” I say, the same word still making me nauseous since yesterday. Thing. Ugh. “I couldn’t say no to her!”
“And Connor?”
Well, Connor was, yes, pure spite.
But I also can’t tell him that.
“What’s wrong with Connor?”
“After yesterday?” his voice hardens. A tone that didn’t exist before. That I think never existed before. Not with me. “You’re still asking me?”
“After what, yesterday, Jasper? After what he said or after what you said to him?”
Jasper furrows his brows, trying to remember.
Does he want help?
No one deserves a clown like you, not even Julie.
That’s exactly what he said, right?
“He’s a fucking jerk!” Jasper complains, as if justifying everything.
“And you’re not?”
He stares at me. Now I’m the one standing here, waiting for a damn answer.
That doesn’t come the way I expected.
It doesn’t even come from him. It comes from Jasper, the lawyer. Every word perfectly calculated.
“We’ve known each other for ten years. Ten years, Julie, and this…
this is completely new. I’m still trying to learn how to act with you and how to talk about you, and I may have chosen the wrong comment at the wrong time, but I did nothing wrong.
I wouldn’t do something like that, you should at least know that. ”
“And why the hell do you think I should know anything?” I can’t even remember who he is.
“Fucking hell! Because I like you, damnit! I wouldn’t do something like that because I like you.
Not Suzi, not anyone else. You. After everything that happened yesterday, I thought that was clear.
” He sighs, runs his hand over his face.
“I’m trying really hard here, Jules! I didn’t want any of this, but… ”
I’m trying really hard – I think that’s what he’ll say again, but the expression on my face seems to erase every word along the way.
It feels like I was shocked.
Not a deadly shock, the kind that shakes you completely and turns your life into chaos. A subtle shock, like when you touch a faulty spot on the fridge you know you shouldn’t trust. One that leaves as quickly as it came, leaving you wondering if it really happened.
Or if it was all in your head.
I think, if I had to choose, I’d prefer the one that kills you immediately. At least it would be all at once, and not this type of torture.
“Of course not,” I agree with him, but the bitter tone of the words floods my throat like bile.
“Shit,” is the only thing he can say after that.
“If you didn’t want any of this, I’m not gonna be the one to force you into it, Jasper.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“And what did you mean then?” I ask, not even sure why. Hope? Who knows! “Exactly what you didn’t want to happen?”
And there it is, ladies and gentlemen.
The deadly silence.
Nothing but a brief attempt at a response. His mouth opens. One, two, three times, but no sound comes out.
I let out a harsh laugh, tearing through my throat.
“Ah, poor Jasper!” My voice turns into pure venom. “Fell in love with a woman he hates, and now he doesn’t know how to get rid of it.”
“I’m not talking about getting rid of anyth…”
“I’ll save you from this terrible burden by telling you a hard truth, okay?” I interrupt, my tone like I’m talking to a child.
He takes a step forward, I step back.
“Julie,” he says. And my name comes out almost as a whisper between his barely moving lips. “That’s not what I meant…”
“Don’t try to fix what you said just because you had time to think.
I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth when you’ve had time to think, Jasper.
Actually,” I give him this angry, cynical smile, “I barely believe what comes out when you don’t think, but at least then I know it’s a little more honest.”
He breathes deeply. Runs his hand through his dark hair. For a moment, it looks like he’s going to say something, but he knows by now it will only make things worse, so he accepts his own words in silence.
“If it’s already so clear that you didn’t want any of this, who am I to make you try so hard, right?
Who am I to have to guess every day which version of you will show up, if it’s the guy who likes me when we’re alone or the jerk you become when we’re in public?
Who am I to have to ask what you’re feeling and if you’re telling the truth just because you can’t even bother to do it yourself? ”
“I’m doing the best I can, Jules,” he says, his voice low, sad, almost… resigned.
“Your best still isn’t good enough for me,” I reply anyway, merciless. And then I pause, looking deep into his eyes to deliver the final blow, “So relax, Jasper. Forget I exist. Live your life. Go back to being the sociopathic, narcissistic maniac I always thought you were from the start.”
If my microphone were like Uncle Henry’s, I would have definitely dropped it right here, but it’s attached to my dress, so all I can do is leave the room without looking back.
“Julie,” Jasper calls once more, but his voice comes out so weak it wouldn’t stop me from going somewhere, really.
I’m not even sure he wanted to.
I lift my dress, heels pounding against the floor as I head out without even knowing where I’m going.
I want distance. I want air.
I want to breathe again.
But the world outside seems to swallow me in such absolute silence it’s deafening.
It’s not the muffled sound of the party. It’s the complete absence of it.
I lift my eyes. All faces watching me.
Frozen. Eyes wide. Jaws dropped. No one seems to blink.
I look for Uncle Henry on the stage, and he’s motionless, holding the mic, mouth slightly open, as if he froze mid-sentence and turned to stone. Or stopped in time, I don’t know.
That’s the exact feeling. The feeling that everyone is frozen in time and I’m the only one moving.
Me and Jasper, who finally follows, but stops a few steps away, surveying the room, trying to understand what’s happening.
The gazes shift from me to him.
No one is looking at Uncle Henry on the stage, so I’m sure the shock isn’t because he just said something so absurd it can never be forgotten.
It’s not him. It’s us.
Me and Jasper.
Two people who just said many absurd things that can never be forgotten.
My stomach drops.
I look at the microphone clipped to my dress, checking the color of the light.
The air leaves my lungs, and I close my eyes tightly, hoping that when I open them, none of this is gonna be happening.
I return Jasper’s gaze for half a second. And that’s enough for the realization to hit both of us at the same time.
Blue is off, red is recording, is it not?
God, I don’t even know anymore.
I take a deep breath. Look down again for a final check.
Blue is recording, red is off.
“Shit,” I mutter.
And my own voice echoes through the speakers spread across the entire wedding venue.