Chapter 36 #2
“I can’t stop thinking about you!” The words come tumbling out. “I want to be near you all the time, and it doesn’t even matter anymore if we’re naked or not. I want to be with you, fight with you, hear you sing wrong lyrics for the rest of my life.”
He laughs, a shaky laugh, breathing hard, chest rising and falling under his suit.
“If this isn’t love, it’s a psychiatric disorder, and I really need to see a doctor.”
At this moment, everything stops. The wind, the street noise, the horns, the endless sound of jackhammers all over Manhattan… the world is completely silent.
All that exists is the sound of my breathing.
Loud. Erratic. Much worse than his.
He loves me.
He really loves me.
Our eyes meet, and Jasper just stares back. I think neither of us knows what to do now.
Neither of us knows how to move forward.
How do you go from hating someone for ten years to suddenly… suddenly loving them? Suddenly being able to touch them just because you feel like it?
I try to act tough, still smiling like an idiot. Still with my heart bumping in my chest constantly.
“Is this another lawyer speech? A bunch of pretty lies to convince me of something?”
He shakes his head. A nearly imperceptible movement.
“These are the most sincere words I’ve ever spoken in my life.”
“Not hard to be,” I tease.
He presses his lips again, holding back from replying. Instead, Jasper adjusts the slightly twisted lapel of his suit, like he had to struggle too much in a tailor-made suit probably costing twice my salary at the All-Star Chronicles. I glance around, looking for some fancy car parked outside.
“You walked here?”
“Better than that!” he exclaims with a crooked smile. That cynical, beautiful smile. “I took the subway.”
“Bullshit!” I fire back, almost slamming the door on him again.
“It is not!” He shoots back immediately. “Julie, it’s not!”
My eyebrows furrow in pure suspicion.
“It’s not?”
“Nope,” he whispers, shaking his head side to side. Then he looks at me with squinty puppy eyes. “Am I forgiven now? May I come into your cute dollhouse in Greenwich Village?”
Jasper asks, laughing, and gets punched in the shoulder for it. But the son of a bitch likes pain, so of course he won’t stop.
“May I finally see that infamous drawer in your dresser?”
“Is that why you’re here?” I ask, rolling my eyes.
“Among other things.”
“Are you going to give me the key to your house too?”
“I can’t just give you a key!” he says as if I were a savage for suggesting it. Then he continues, with that snobby air I both hate and adore, “It’s an automated system, there’s a whole process… I can only make this kind of commitment once I’m officially forgiven.”
I huff, feigning impatience, rolling my eyes, and bored as hell, I finally say,
“Well, I kind of have to forgive you now, don’t I?”
"Well, I guess I kind of have to forgive you now, don’t I?"
There’s nothing to forgive. I was just as awful as he was. Still, there’s something ridiculously endearing about the fact that Jasper is the one waving the white flag first.
"If you, Mr. Grumpy Lawyer, forgave me that easily, there’s no way I’m going to be the asshole in this story and not forgive you too."
He presses his lips together, stopping himself from saying anything. It would probably be an insult. Or a joke. The fact that he doesn’t make either sends my heart stumbling inside my chest.
I pause and lift my gaze to meet his.
"You did forgive me, right?"
I think it’s his turn to play hard to get, because he shakes his head from side to side, his lips still sealed, except now they’re fighting a smile.
I take a step closer, keeping up the act, somewhere between dramatic and playful in an attempt to coax that smile out of him.
"You forgave this lovesick idiot who said horrible things to you and then disappeared without another word? You forgave this unemployed, stubborn pain in the ass who somehow fell hopelessly in love with you and still has no idea how it happened?"
"How can anyone say no to that little naughty face, Jules?" he asks.
I bite back a laugh.
"So I’m acquitted of all charges, then, Your Honor?"
One of Jasper’s eyebrows arches as he tries to ignore the fact that I’m saying this to annoy him, but all he does is give me that goofy little smile and a final answer, "You’re acquitted of all charges, Miss Sawyer."
I let out a breath, relieved.
For myself, of course. For both of us.
But I’m not about to tell him that.
Instead, I keep joking.
"Thank God. There’s no way we could’ve dragged all this awkward tension to Tony and Cordelia’s wedding in Vermont next winter."
“Oh, no!” Jasper smacks his own head, and I’m not sure if he’s joking or serious. “Really? Another destination wedding?”
Has he not seen today’s group chat updates?
“Yep,” I say, lips pressed tight in a smile.
“Everyone in the same house again?” he whines. I just nod, laughing at the grimace on his gorgeous, dark-bearded face. “How does anyone want to go through that shit show again?”
I swear, I have no idea either.
“Maybe I should call my real estate agent,” he mutters.
“Or book a hotel room, Jasper. Normal people book hotel rooms.”
“But Julie…” Jasper starts, leaning forward, stepping into the apartment. The door is still open, but now he’s officially inside. Which is good, considering my nosy neighbor, and the words he whispers next, “We’ll be kicked out of the hotel within minutes after the walls start shaking.”
My cheeks heat instantly, a mix of embarrassment and mischief.
“We need a strong cabin, made out of rocks, far away, in the middle of the woods…”
“Are you planning to make love to me or murder me, Jasper?”
And I only ask about making love in case my nosy neighbor, Mrs. Montgomery, is listening somewhere.
“For legal reasons, I’ll refrain from commenting on any allegation involving my confessing to murder.”
“Wrong answer.”
He throws his head back laughing.
“Making love to you,” Jasper corrects, eyes squinting into a little horizontal line as he smiles, “every day. All the time. Every hour, every second of my life.”
“Jasper Hassmann,” I hum his name, “who would have thought you’d become a fool in love?”
Jasper rolls his eyes dismissively. He shakes his head vehemently, jaw clenched, face rigid with determination, relentless and full of attitude.
“You shut your mouth!”
“You shut yours,” I snap back.
“Come shut it,” Jasper orders. His hoarse, firm voice sounds like a command I simply need to obey. And we all know where this argument will end, so believe me, I want to obey so much my brain can hardly process it.
But there’s one thing I need to do first. Something I’ve wanted to do since he knocked on my door, looking so handsome and overwhelmed and… desperate.
So I move toward him, wrapping my arms around his neck in a tight hug.
I nestle my head in the comfortable nook between his chest and shoulders, feeling his breath ruffle my hair.
Jasper hugs me back with the same intensity, and I know…
the kisses are incredible, the sex is perfect, but a hug like this…
a hug like this is the best thing in the whole world.
And here, exactly where I am, I can feel every one of his heart beats against my face. I also feel my body vibrate against his as I whisper, “I missed you.”
God, how I missed him! The warmth of his body, the way it fits against mine. The refreshing scent of expensive soap, his strong hands gripping my waist.
Jasper presses a kiss to my temple. His lips stay there and only pull away to say, “I’m here now.”
I know.
“It’s the only place I want to be, Jules. I hope you always know that.”
I slowly lift my face, searching his eyes with mine. And by the way he looks at me, as if I were the most precious thing he’s ever had the privilege to touch, there’s no doubt about it.
And when Jasper finally kisses me, slow and deep, making every hair on my neck stand up and certain areas of my body awaken from a deep slumber, I know it’s true for me too.
There’s nowhere else I want to be but by his side.
And, if ten-years-ago Julie heard me say that, she’d definitely think I’d lost my mind.