Chapter 5
He opens the door. I don’t mean to say what I say. It just comes out. “You’re not… You’re not wearing your cut.”
He nods. “Nothing happening today. Just lounging at home.”
“I’ve never seen you without your cut,” I say. “Um… I mean, since I got home from college.” Damn, he looks good. The muscles of his chest are very defined and far more obvious than they usually are without the vest obscuring them.
“Would you like to come in?” he asks a little warily. I feel a burst of anger when I realize I’ve been thinking about him in positive terms. I fight it back because I need to ask nicely.
“Yes, please,” I say.
He steps out of the way and I step in. He closes the door and asks, “Please have a seat. Can I get you anything?”
I manage to keep the fear away from my voice. I say softly, “You told me to ask you nicely. Can you please… make love to me.”
He’s surprised that I say that. He reaches for me and I catch his hand. “Wait… I mean. Um, rough. I want you to be very rough, please. I want you to just break me. If I can walk without wobbling when you’re done, it’s not rough enough.”
“Rough?”
I nod. “You can, um, fuck my ass, too. Nobody ever has. It’s okay. You can take it even if it hurts and I start crying. Just take everything you want. Just fuck me like you hate me, please.”
God, that’s terrifying!
He leans forward and I lift my mouth for his kiss but he doesn’t. He kisses my forehead. It’s a horribly sweet gesture so it pisses me off. I keep my emotions in check, though. He pulls back and asks in a remarkably gentle voice. “Your plan is for me to traumatize you, isn’t it?”
I stare at him for a moment and finally, lamely, ask, “What do you mean?”
He sighs and says, “We have something going on. I can’t live without you. You can’t live without me even though you hate me. You’re hoping I’ll hurt you. You want the experience to be so negative that you’ll be able to let go of me.”
I want to fight with him but he’s so absolutely correct. I feel my bottom lip trembling. I nod. He kisses my forehead again. That devastates me and I start crying. I guess because he’s the only one there to hold, I put my arms around him and weep against his chest. He holds me tightly and gently strokes my hair. I can’t believe how comforting it feels. He waits until I’m done crying and while still holding me, he says, “I can’t hurt you, Zoe. I’m sorry.”
My heart sinks. I say, “But how can we keep hating each other and needed each other?”
“It’s not each other, Zoe,” he says. “You hate me but I don’t hate you. I never have.”
I look up at him and say, “Can’t you just… any explanation? Any apology? Anything so that I don’t hate myself for all this? Please, Grant. I know I’ve never… Please.”
He wants to. I can tell from his eyes. He lets out a sigh and shakes his head. “The explanation isn’t mine to give you, Zoe. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“What do you mean it’s not yours to give me?” I push back and anger finally flares up. It feels good but then it just disappears at the sight of him. I want him.
And I don’t want to be angry at him anymore.
“I don’t want to hate you,” I whisper. “Please… give me something.”
I can see the pain in his eyes as he steps forward. “I’m sorry, Zoe,” he says softly, “I can’t.”
Then, he kisses me. It might be the sweetest and most gentle kiss I’ve ever experienced. I don’t mean just with Grant. I mean ever. I start crying just a little. “Please,” I whimper, “just give me something I can… Please, Grant.”
He holds me as I cry and I finally pull away. “Fine,” I stay sharply. “Fucking fine.” Then, I kind of stomp out of his house. I get into my car, and I’m so damned grateful that I actually drove to his place even though it’s an easy walk. Hell, everywhere in Pinecrest Peak is an easy walk. I’m happy I drove my car because I can drive just to the end of the street and pull over. I do that and start ugly crying like crazy.
And my phone rings. I feel a surge of excitement because for a moment, I think that it’s going to be Grant. It’s not him. It’s Allison. I look at my phone. We talk every Wednesday. It’s a Thursday. I force my tears to stop and answer. I do a damned poor job of sounding normal and not like a weeping idiot when I say, “Alli. How are you doing, Honey?”
She says, “Grant isn’t Tori’s father. He covered for me so I wouldn’t have to tell anyone the real father was Kelcey Franks.” Mr. Franks. Our English teacher. Holy… Holy shit. He was forty. She was sixteen and a half! I mean, she had the baby at seventeen but…
“Oh, Alli,” I say softly. “Oh, Honey. I wish I’d known. I would have been there for you. I would have…”
She laughs lightly. “I kept it from you. I kept it from everyone. I didn’t want anyone to know and I wasn’t protecting myself.” I let the words sink in.
“But you moved away.”
“It’s a little town. Grant’s family was Midnight Avenger. There would be a little gossip but after a while nobody would say anything. Nobody would think anything.”
“You know that, um… Mr. Franks left town.”
She says, “I heard. I never saw him again. I think after a week or two of having Tori, I fell right out of love with him. I don’t know. Having a baby makes a girl grow up.”
“I can understand that,” I say.
“Zoe, you’re the person I love most in all the world except for my daughter. I’m sorry that I kept this from you.”
I giggle a little. “Well, with the way I’ve treated Grant, it’s a good thing I didn’t know it was Mr. Franks. I bet I’d be in prison serving a life sentence. I’d… Oh my… Holy shit! Grant!”
She chuckles and says, “I’m hanging up. Call me later and I’ll give you the whole story. You go back and make up with him.”
“You know about that?”
“That’s why I called you. He called me and asked me to un-swear him to secrecy. I told him I’d tell you.”
“Allison, why Grant? I mean, I never would have believed it if you didn’t tell me.”
“Well, that’s a whole other thing. Okay, I guess it’s secret time. He’s my brother, my half-brother. My mom was a sweet butt. That’s what they call the…”
“The club girls,” I say. They’re kind of like biker groupies.
“And his father put Mom and me in a house. She stopped being a club girl and started being a mom. We both knew about it from elementary school. We were both forbidden to talk about it, of course. I mean… well, anyway. You get an hour of being a total mean girl to me to make up for the secrets.”
I giggle. “I’m taking at least a weekend for that, bitch.”
She laughs. Me saying that tells her that we’re okay. “Okay fine but why don’t you turn your car around and go make nice-nice with Grant, for fuck’s sake?”
“Grant!” I cry. I hang up and turn around. I pull into the driveway and then call her back. “Okay, bye!” I say when she answers. I hang up again and run to the door. I bang on it and when he answers, I just launch myself at him.
Afterward, barely able to move, I manage to say, “Don’t think me coming over here from now on means you don’t have to still find me on the path.”
I’m sure he responds but I’m too far gone to do anything other than cuddle and fade to sleep.