Chapter Eight #2
I wait a beat, swallow decades of anger, remorse.
“Me.”
The guilt is always there. Most days, I can exist without thinking of it.
But now it surges up. The guilt of knowing my mother stayed, put up with my father’s affairs, condescension, and misogynistic manipulations, because of me.
When I think of her, the sheer brilliance and kindness of her existence, the only reason I don’t regret being born is because she loved being a mother.
“She wanted to stay at home until I started primary school. My grandfather passed away when I was about a year old and my father took over as CEO. He ‘encouraged’ her not to return to work after I started the first grade. Fulfill her duties as a ‘wife’ and ‘mother.’”
“But she wasn’t happy.”
“No. When we were together, yes. When she got to be a mom without my father looking over her shoulder and criticizing her for being too soft on me.”
Diana lets out a soft scoff. “I…”
Her voice trails off. I glance over, my chest tightening when I see the sadness etched onto her face. The same sadness I saw as she stared at the painting of the ballerinas.
“What?”
She shakes her head. “I’m glad you had that.”
She didn’t. I know it. Feel the longing, the ache. Silently curse the woman who hurt her daughter.
“I was fortunate.” I nod to the passing landscape. “My father refusing to hire her back didn’t sway her loyalty to my grandfather or the company. She’s the one who taught me about allegiance. Commitment. She told me that, if I chose to take the role, she hoped I would lead as my grandfather had.”
“A big responsibility to task a child with.”
I smile slightly. “She didn’t phrase it like that. It was an honor.” My lips thin. “My father never saw it that way. He saw his position as a status symbol. He always wanted more—more recognition, more money, more things.”
“The international expansion would have given him all of that,” Diana murmurs.
“Even though he and I didn’t see eye-to-eye, I was initially intrigued by expanding to other countries. It wasn’t until we were almost too deep that I realized what that expansion would cost us here at home.
“There are things I could have done better with Xenakis,” I admit. “I want this deal. It’s good for AuraGeothermal. Good for our economy, and for expanding green energy to other countries. But I will torpedo it in an instant if I think there’s any risk to my employees.”
Silence reigns in the car. I look over, then blink in surprise. Diana is watching me, eyes luminous with an emotion I can’t decipher. An emotion that disappears so quickly I wonder if I imagined it.
“Xenakis didn’t give you much reason to trust today.”
Her validation matters more than it should.
“If the deal fails, will it affect your employment?”
“No. I haven’t failed to mediate a deal yet. But I see my job like a marriage counselor.”
I grimace. “I would prefer not to think of Xenakis in a wedding dress.”
“I was thinking of you as the blushing bride.” She chuckles when I frown at her. “Most of the time, a solution can be found. I think that’s true for this, too, but I don’t know for sure. Not after this morning. Sometimes the best thing for everyone is to walk away.”
My shoulders tense. She’d said something similar after the tour of the geothermal plant when she tried to defuse our argument. I’d responded cruelly. Thought her ability to walk away proved her a fickle woman with no true loyalties.
Except now, with my hands on the wheel, I can feel the raised, ridged skin beneath my fingertips. Connect the sorrow on her face with what I suspect was her mother’s abandonment. Did her mother leave those scars? A foster parent?
We both fall silent, absorbed in our own thoughts.
Ten minutes later, she’s fallen asleep. The gray wintry light sneaking through the clouds magnifies the dark half-moon circles beneath her eyes.
Malla told me the security log showed Diana didn’t leave until well after midnight last night, reviewing and tweaking the proposal long after everyone else had gone.
Who is this woman who is fighting for my company? A woman who nearly admitted last night that she may have said yes to Liam’s proposal, but she was never in love with him.
For the first time, I contemplate another possibility. Could there be something else? An ulterior motive I’m missing?
I shove that thought away. I’m reaching, trying to make sense, when the truth is right in front of me. It has been all along. Things may have happened exactly as Diana said and she and Liam had had no romantic entanglements before our night together.
But it doesn’t change the fact that what happened between us derailed my reunion with the only blood family I have left.
One more look at her sleeping face, lips slightly parted, lashes dark against her skin. One more indulgence of memory, of the way her eyes glowed when she saw me in the museum, how her lips curved into that unabashed smile that snapped something into place I haven’t been able to get rid of.
One more look. And then I focus on the road in front of me.