Chapter 7
“Daddy, what are we doing here?” Sabrina asked in a curious voice.
Elijah looked at the crowd of people at the park and braced himself.
At least thirty or so men with children of varying ages were in the park.
More than he’d expected. He’d come for a Single Dad’s Society meet and greet after seeing the announcement on the Houston chapter’s social media page.
He figured a meet-up at a local park was an easy way to start.
The kids can play while the dads introduce themselves and chat.
The revelations of the past week had pushed him to come.
As much as he hadn’t liked to hear it, the truths from his co-workers, Jashaun, Marcus and Layla had forced him to admit some things.
His life was stagnant. Outside of Sabrina, there wasn’t much that he did to enjoy himself.
And, yes, he did use work as his crutch.
Providing for Sabrina was the most important thing to him, which admittedly, made him realize that his need to be a high performer also took a toll of those in his life.
It was part of the reason why Angelique had left, she’d accused him of not taking her wants and needs into consideration.
While he didn’t regret wanting to provide for his family, he also had to accept that the people around him needed more than just his paycheck.
They needed him happy, whole and present.
Which brought him here. He needed community. He needed friends. Something that was hard to admit at thirty four years old.
“We’re here to make friends,” he said to Sabrina.
The words immediately took him back to entering the lunchroom at the new middle school after his family moved from San Diego to Pensacola.
Growing up as a Navy brat meant he was frequently thrown into new situations, but the experience of having to find new friends never got easier.
“Good. You do need friends,” Sabrina said seriously.
He looked down at his daughter. “Why would you say that?”
He’d admired the intricate braids going into a ponytail at the top of her head.
No matter how hard he’d tried, he’d never gotten good at cornrows.
Simple plaits, he could do, but as Sabrina got older he’d found a stylist who could do her hair.
When he said they were going to the park she’d put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with smiling ladybugs and the words “I’m a lady” printed across the front.
He didn’t have a ladybug shirt, so instead he’d decided to wear black jeans and a red top to at least match her color scheme.
She looked back at him as if the answer was as obvious as the nose on his face. “Because you don’t have any friends. Just Ms. Layla.”
“What’s wrong with having one friend? You have Jasmine.”
Sabrina grinned and shook her head. “Daddy, I have a lot of friends at school. Jasmine is just my best friend.”
“Oh, thank you for clarifying that.” He remembered what Layla told him and said. “Beenie, you know my not having many friends isn’t your fault. I just haven’t worked hard on my end to try and make new friends.”
“Why not?”
“Well, sometimes it’s harder to make friends when you’re an adult.”
“Because of kids?” her brows knitted together and her voice dipped.
He shook his head. “No, Beenie, not because of kids. Once you’re an adult it’s easy to focus on working and doing adult things. Which means sometimes you forget about doing other things like having fun and making friends. It’s not something I’m upset about, but I’ve decided to try and do better.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?”
The hopefulness in her voice dug right to his heart. He hadn’t realized how much his lack of a life had worried his daughter. “Really.” He tapped a finger to the tip of her nose. “I can’t let you be the only one in the house with a lot of friends. It’s time I caught up.”
She grinned and turned toward the park. “Come on. Let’s go.” And with that his daughter pulled him out of his comfort zone and into his first adult playdate.
Thirty minutes later as he talked with two other dads, Elijah stopped feeling like a preteen searching for a table of kids who would accept him at lunch.
He couldn’t credit the comfort to his excellent people skills.
It was all thanks to Beenie. She’d recognized one of the little boys from school who immediately drew her to him and his dad.
Once the kids started talking him and the dad, Jared, struck up a conversation.
Jared worked in construction, had been a member of the Single Dad’s Society for over a year, and swore by the group.
He introduced Elijah to Raymond. Raymond was the father of a little girl who was a year younger than Sabrina and worked as a barber.
The three had started off talking about the surface stuff, name, child, what they thought about the upcoming football season.
From there the conversation had flown easily, and they seemed like decent fellas.
“So, what made you decide to check out the group?” Raymond asked. He was tall, white, with dark hair, and a friendly smile. He’d come to the meet up in a pair of stylish grey joggers and a cream colored top.
Elijah shrugged. “I was at a fraternity reunion, and one of my frat brothers mentioned it. Lately, I’ve been thinking I could use talking to other fellas in the same situation as me.”
Jared nodded. “Cool, I’m glad you decided to come out.”
“I’ll admit when I first heard about this group I was like nah,” Raymond said. “It sounded a little too touchy feely.”
Jared a black guy with shoulder length locs and a beard laughed. “Touchy feely how?” He wore a navy-blue t-shirt and jeans.
“I don’t know man,” Raymond said shrugging. “A bunch of dudes sitting around talking about feelings and stuff. That just threw me off.”
Elijah frowned. “Is that what you all do?” He was ready to meet people, but it might take several visits before he was ready to get into a deep dive of his feelings.
Both Jared and Raymond laughed. “Nah,” Jared said.
“It’s not like that. Travon, the guy who started the Houston chapter, he lost his wife to cervical cancer about a year after their kid was born.
He realized he was left alone with no support.
He tried other parent groups, but it was all mom focused.
And, nothing against mothers, but what they need may not be the same as what a dad needs.
He started looking for ways dads could support each other and discovered the national group.
Now we’re here. It’s not just about sharing feelings, but finding community.
Sometimes you need to vent, or you just need advice. We’re here to help, not judge.”
“I didn’t realize I didn’t have community around me until recently,” Elijah admitted.
“I mean, Sabrina has a best friend. Me and her friend’s mom work together to help each other out, but she has girlfriends and goes on ladies trips.
I hate to admit it, but I’m kind of jealous. I lost all that after my wife left.”
“How so?” Jared asked.
“I just had to stand ten toes down for Sabrina. Her mom walked out on us. Just left a note. She even told Sabrina that she wasn’t coming back before dropping her off at daycare.”
“Damn, that’s cold,” Raymond said. Then he held up a hand. “My bad, dude.”
Elijah shrugged. “It’s all good. The situation was messed up.
Sabrina was doing okay, but about two years ago her teacher told me she was struggling.
She was having a hard time making friends and talking about worrying that her dad would leave, too.
Man, that damn near killed me. I quit my corporate job, got a job in government to try and have more work life balance and do everything I can to be there for her.
The result was losing a social life. I mean, she’s my whole world and I wouldn’t change it, but I can only talk about the latest pre-teen show craze for so long. ”
Raymond laughed. “I feel you. It’s one of the reasons I came. The meet ups are good to talk to others. I’ve even done some of the dad retreats or just met up with other dads on our own. I’ve made some good friends here.”
“Same,” Jared said.
Elijah hesitated for a second. He hadn’t had a real talk with guys in so long.
Maybe he was ready for the deep dive in feelings, because just sharing that little bit had felt good.
He could imagine the self-satisfied look on Layla’s face when he told her he’d had fun at the meet up.
Would she view this as progress and not feel as hesitant about going out with him?
He glanced between Jared and Raymond and decided to ask a question before he could wonder if he was going too far too fast, but hell, he didn’t have anyone else to ask. “What about dating?”
Raymond raised a brow. “Like, in the group? I mean, if you find someone interested.”
“Nah, not like that. I mean in general. How do you get back out there and start dating again? I’m ready. In fact, there’s someone I’m really ready to date, but I don’t know.”
Jared leaned in interest all in his eyes. “What’s going on?”
Elijah spilled his guts. He needed advice, and they seemed like they wanted to be helpful.
If Raymond and Jared gave him shitty advice, he’d toss it out and reach out to Romeo and Ocean later.
“The mom friend I mentioned? It’s her, but she says it’s because I think she’s convenient.
As if proximity is all that makes me interested. But it’s not that.”
“Then prove her wrong,” Raymond said easily.
“How?”
“Go on some other dates,” He said.
Elijah chuckled and rubbed his brow. “I don’t understand how me going on other dates is going to prove that I want to date her.”
“If you haven’t been on a date in a while, then how do you know that it isn’t just proximity? I mean, I can see her point.”
Elijah wanted to argue Raymond’s point, but he didn’t have a good counter. He knew how he felt about Layla, but he hadn’t looked at another woman with interest in so long. Hell, he didn’t know where to start.
“You act as if finding dates is easy,” Elijah said.
“It is.” Jared pulled up his phone and swiped his screen. “Check out this app. I’ve been swiping left and right on here for the past month. I’ve met a ton of women. Now, most of them have been duds, but it’s been a way to get back out there and test the waters.”
“A dating app?” Elijah didn’t bother to hide his skepticism.
Jared grinned as he continued to stare at the profiles on his phone screen.
“Yep, consider it practice. I know the apps can be horrible, but if you want to test the waters it’s a way to jump back in.
Go on a few dates. See what you like and don’t like.
Maybe your friend is the one. Maybe she ain’t. ”
Raymond jumped in. “Is she really the only woman you’ve been in contact with since your wife left?”
Elijah shrugged. “I went out on a few dates after my wife split, but because Sabrina needed me I stopped looking and focused on her. I was attracted to Layla, that’s her name, the moment I saw her, but I wasn’t in a good head space for something serious because of my ex.
Then when I was ready, she started dating this other man. We’ve always been off.”
“Look, I know the dating apps aren’t perfect,” Raymond said. “But Jared is on to something. Just go on a few dates. See what you’re feeling. Then go from there.” He motioned to Elijah’s phone on the picnic table. “Go on, get your phone and download one.”
Jared put his phone away and grinned. “Yes, let’s get you set up. If she thinks you’re just interested in her because there’s no one else, then get out there and see what’s available. Maybe she’s right, or maybe, she is the perfect person for you.”
Hesitantly, Elijah picked up his phone and navigated to the app store.
There was a certain logic to what they were saying.
As a rule, he did like to shop around before making a big purchase.
Why should he jump into a relationship without the same amount of conscious thought?
Now, the real question, would Layla understand?