Chapter 20 #2
“I’m so proud of you, Ali. But I want you to remember that you always have a choice. If public engagements make you miserable, don’t be afraid to tell your parents no. You don’t owe anyone anything. You deserve only happiness.”
I want to melt into his arms and sit with him stroking my forearm forever.
There are so few people who’ve ever asked me what I want.
Decisions about my life have always been made on my behalf or in my best interest. To hear him throw all that to the wayside makes me even more eager to grow whatever is starting between us.
He cares about me as a person. Not as the princess.
“When I was traveling, I felt so alive and happy just being Alice. Nobody paid me any attention. I was able to have a slice of being normal.” I sigh.
“The thing is, though, even if I wanted to, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live a quiet life.
I’m planning to go into structural engineering, but I also can’t sit idle if there are people out there who I can help.
” I burrow tighter into Art’s warm body, taking in the scent of his light lemony cologne.
“I’ve been kicking around a football inside my head since my date with Alfie.
There are so many people affected by bullying.
Maybe they feel powerless, they’re too afraid to speak up, or they lack the resources to do so.
They need an advocate like me to become their voice.
If I can help even one person, it’s a huge win, and it’ll make being in the public eye worth it. ”
As I speak my thoughts aloud, it’s clearer than it’s ever been that I want to find a way to strike a balance between my duties as a royal and as an engineer.
This cause is close to my heart. Unlike other charities I’ve supported, putting an end to bullying drives me.
I have so many ideas for future programs.
Art plants a soft kiss atop my head. “Listen to your heart. It’ll guide you to the path you need to be on.”
“You’re not going to tell me to listen to my head?”
“No, because if I do, I’d be lying to you. And that’s not something I do. My own brain is telling me not to get involved with you, but my heart is shouting from the mountaintops to overrule it. I’m choosing to listen to my heart.”
We’re starting a very dangerous game. Art knows what we’re doing has crossed the line.
I hope he really is prepared for the consequences.
He has much more to lose than me. I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that we keep this as quiet as possible.
That way if it doesn’t work out, Art won’t suffer because of me.
“We’re a lot more alike than you think. I was painfully shy growing up.
It’s tied to my social anxiety. I rarely spoke to anyone outside my family.
The doctors diagnosed me with selective mutism.
” He continues to stroke my arm. “I understand exactly what it’s like to be ostracized and alone.
That was me. I spent more time in the library with books because I couldn’t handle being around people. ”
“How did you learn to overcome it?”
“I had a therapist who taught my parents to use a technique called exposure therapy.”
“That sounds like you were made to go out and talk to people to try and get over your fear.”
“That’s exactly what it is. It’s like having a child who’s afraid there are monsters under their bed.
They can look for the monsters, but they won’t ever find anything there.
It’s all in their head. That’s how it is with me.
My brain is wired to think things are a lot worse or scarier than they are. ”
Goosebumps appear on my arm. That sounds like me and public speaking. “It’s never something you truly get over, is it?”
“No.” Art swallows hard. “It’s a daily struggle. The ironic thing is that it makes me pretty good at my job. I have a knack for reading body language and being aware of what’s going on around me.”
“You’re amazing.” I stare in wonder at the man I’ve been lucky enough to spend the day with.
We sit in one another’s embrace for a while, watching people walk, jog, and cycle past us.
I never thought I’d be one to share so much of myself with anyone.
Art is different, however. He’s a friend, but something deep inside of me tells me he’s also the man I’ve been waiting for.
It’s almost like how a salmon or a sea turtle knows exactly where it was born and where it needs to go to lay eggs.
I’ve never had such a strong gut reaction to another human.
I just know that with him, I’ll always be safe.
In time, I can only hope this turns into something more. Like love.
“Ah blast, it’s nearly two. Angela is going to ring me before I know it.” He checks his watch and unravels himself from me. We both stand and stretch. “There was one more thing I’d hoped to do with you, but if we go now, we might not have much time there.”
“Oh, what is it?”
His lips twitch. “Do I have it right that you’ve never been to a proper amusement park?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“A carnival?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Well, then, this needs to be sorted out. I’m taking you to Hanayashiki. It’s Japan’s oldest amusement park. It may not be Disneyland, but it has some rides, games, and will give you a taste of what it’s like. If you enjoy it, next time, we’ll do the real thing.”
I chew on my lip. I want to do this, but I’m worried about Art. “Won’t there be an awful lot of people there?”
“Probably, but today’s adventure can be our little secret. Besides, I’ll be there to protect you if anything happens.”
I rise up onto my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” My lips brush against his, melting into his mouth as I take in the moment. Art’s kisses are meant to be enjoyed and savored.