Chapter 23
Seven months later
IT’S A FRIDAY night again. I hate weekends when the kids go to their dad’s.
The house seems so empty. Gwen is out on a first date with a guy she met online, and I’m dying to hear all about it.
I have all my books spread out on the kitchen table, trying to study for a test, but I’m having trouble focusing.
I decide to go for a quick run on the treadmill. I play all of my favorite motivational songs. My new favorite is “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. My cool-down song will always remain “Try” by Colbie Caillat. It’s like that woman gets in my head and says exactly what I need to hear.
I push extra hard tonight. I’m sweating from head to toe, but it feels good.
I take a long hot shower and pile my wet hair on top of my head.
I grab a bag of carrots and sit down in front of my books, attempting to focus on my notes.
I’m doubling up on my classes. It’s a lot of work, but I’m determined to complete my degree as soon as possible.
The slamming of the garage door jolts me out of my book. “Hey, how’d it go?” I ask excitedly.
I hear her scream, and I burst from my seat in a panic. “Gwen? What’s wrong?”
She wipes her eyes and huffs out a long, frustrated breath. She stammers to the refrigerator and removes a bottle of water. She silently wanders into the family room and falls into the couch.
“Are you okay?” I question as I curl up next to her.
She shakes her head no.
“Did he touch you?” I ask in a panic.
“God no!” she shouts. “You know I can take care of myself.”
We sit in silence for what seems like forever. I glance over to her and lean my head on her shoulder. “Just tell me what I can do.”
“Nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do.” She sniffs.
I gaze into her eyes and try to understand, but she hasn’t told me anything.
I can see that she’s holding back tears.
She’s trying so hard to be strong. Gwen has a tough shell, and most people don’t realize how much she takes things to heart and how sometimes people really hurt her.
She wears a smile so often that most people don’t know that her constant smile is used to mask her inner sadness.
“Tell me,” I encourage. “It’s me, Gwen. You’ve seen me at my absolute worst. Please let me be there for you when you need me, for once.”
She sighs heavily. “I know you’re here for me. I’m just frustrated. I’m not cut out for this crap. I honestly think there are no decent guys left in the world.”
“I want to understand, but I’m confused. Can you tell me what happened?”
Gwen brings her hand to her forehead, and her shoulders drop. “He was a douche. Totally misrepresented himself to me. He seriously thought we’d just have a drink and then he’d take me home. When I told him I wasn’t that kind of girl, he was done. Seriously, is that all guys want nowadays?
I turn my body to face her. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.” I reach out to her and she stands in frustration.
“I’m done with this dating bullshit. Men suck and there isn’t anyone out there who doesn’t have an agenda. I’m tired of being the dumbass who always tries to believe the best in people.”
I gently pull her back toward the couch.
She sits and sips her water. When she seems to calm down, I tell her my thoughts on the matter.
“You’re a giver, Gwen. And yes, some people are shit, but some people are worth taking a chance on.
You just need to find the right person. Your smile lights up a room the minute you enter it.
You have a light about you. It’s precious and warm.
I don’t want you to let some idiot take that away. ”
She leans away from me as her body goes rigid.
“Don’t you get it?” she asks. “It’s like I have ‘gullible’ written on my forehead.
We talked online for a week and then on the phone.
I believed him when he said he wanted to get to know me.
I liked him. He seemed like a good guy. Boy was I wrong.
I always give my all and it gets me nowhere.
It’s time I face the fact that I’m going to be alone.
I’m just not capable of doing this anymore. I give up.”
I feel and see the warmth leave her eyes, and I wish Grandma Kay were here. She would know the right thing to say.
“Please tell me you’re not working tomorrow.”
“No, why?” she asks.
“I promised Kay I’d visit tomorrow. Will you come with me?”
She eyes me suspiciously. “I know what you’re trying to do, Ev. I don’t need to paint a fucking door.”
“I know you don’t, but maybe I do. Every time I’ve been over there since the divorce, I’ve avoided the idea of it.
Maybe it’s time I finally painted that door and let it all go.
Plus, it’ll be good to get out of this house, and I know Kay is better with words than I am.
I want you to talk to her. I bet she can help. ”
“I don’t need help. I know what my problem is. I just told you. The people who hurt me are always the ones I let hurt me. The ones I believe in. The solution to my problem is to stay away from everyone. I’ll go to work and do my job, but I’ll never try again. I’m done. I’m just done.”
I want to reason with her, but I know how she gets when she makes up her mind about something.
She’s so stubborn. It’s one of the things I love about her, but it’s also one of the things that frustrate me the most. I just wish I could make her see what I see.
There has to be someone out there who deserves her.
I wish I could be the one to change her mind.
But it’s going to take time and an unselfish heart to make her trust again and to show her she’s enough.
WE BOTH ONLY slept a few hours, but we wanted to get an early start so we could take Kay to lunch. Gwen is fairly quiet as I drive to my grandmother’s house, and even though she seemed reluctant to come with me, I know it will make her feel better to get away for the day.
I called Kay before we left and filled her in on what happened so Gwen wouldn’t have to explain her mood. As we head toward the red front door, I see Kay in the window. She opens it before we get there.
“Hey, you two beauties!” she says, smiling brightly as we approach. “Now I know you said you wanted to take me to lunch, but I was in the mood to do some cooking, so I hope you don’t mind a big ole brunch!”
I smile as she hugs me tightly, not letting go until I pull away. I swear the woman would hold me for hours if I let her. She does the same to Gwen, and I notice Gwen stays there, holding on. Kay keeps her arms around her and pats her back knowingly.
After what seems like several minutes, Gwen pulls back and Kay lifts her chin. “Do you remember when I made you an honorary London, Gwenny?”
Gwen sighs. “Kay, I love you to pieces, but I don’t need or want to paint today.”
“Who said you were going to paint? I asked you a question. Now do you remember?”
“Yes,” Gwen responds like a child kicking her shoe in the dust.
“Well, we Londons don’t quit and we don’t throw in the towel. That goes for you, too,” she states, pointing her finger to Gwen’s chin.
Gwen scratches her head in frustration and releases a deep breath. She’s stubborn, but so is my Grandma Kay. They’re a match made in wrestling arenas, and today I have a front row seat.
“Now let’s eat before it gets cold!”
After small talk about the kids and my classes, and after we’ve all eaten way too much food, we start to clear the table.
As Gwen lifts a dish from the table, Kay states, “Woo wee that’s dirty, isn’t it, Gwenny?”
Gwen nods. The grease has crusted and it’s a combination of slime and hardened pieces of leftover bacon, cheese, and eggs from the casserole.
“Could you wash that for me?” she asks her.
Gwen nods and takes it to the sink as we continue to clear the table. I see Grandma Kay peer over at Gwen and then turn to me and wink. She’s up to something. It makes me smile.
Gwen scrubs the dish and seems to be making zero headway on getting it clean. “Hmm…” Kay says as she glances over her shoulder. “What should we do about that?”
Gwen sighs. “Maybe we should let it soak for a bit. It’ll loosen up the hard pieces and then it will be easier to wash away.”
“Why, Gwenny! How come I didn’t think of that?
You know, sometimes when I look at a dish like that one, it seems like all hope is lost. I think I’ll never be able to cook on it again.
But time, boy… it has a way of changing things.
Sometimes a little patience and love can make everything seem better than it is when you first look at it. Don’t you think?”
Gwen nods and smiles as she wipes her hands on a towel. “Yeah, that dish will be back to itself in no time.”
“Uh hmm,” Kay states. She smiles at me and I smile back. When we turn to Gwen, it’s apparent she’s figured out Kay thinks she’s the dish.
“I’m not the platter, Kay. I can’t soak and be clean.”
“Can’t you? Do think Everly’s plate was clean a few months ago? Doesn’t she seem better and stronger from it?”
Gwen purses her lips.
“My dish has been dirty, burned, and crusted more times than I can remember,” Grandma Kay explains as she waves her hand in the air and places the butter and jelly back into the refrigerator.
“But it’s amazing how time and some good soap wash everything away.
Your dish will be clean in no time because you’re a fighter.
I know you are. You have a fire in those eyes. It just needs to be relit.”
“Kay, I know you mean well, but I’m done. I’m tired of fighting my way through life. It’s just one piece of shit thing after another.”
“Aww, don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining, Gwen.”
I chuckle to myself. Grandma Kay grew up in the South, and she has some doozies hidden in that mind of hers.
Gwen can’t help but smile. “I’m not peeing on you!” She laughs.