Chapter 28
GRANDMA KAY IMMEDIATELY begins to pack up the kids when we get home. I promise I’ll come get them first thing in the morning. She seems tired, and I feel terrible for taking advantage of her.
I grab my phone in my hand as I say, “Gram, I think you’ve done way too much lately. You deserve a break. I’m going to reschedule with Nick for another evening.”
She pulls it away from me. “Like hell you are.”
I sigh heavily.
“How long are you going to do this to yourself?” she asks with her hands on her hips.
“Do what?”
“Question your worth.”
I take a step back. “That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m just worried about you.”
She places her hands on her hips, and her eyes press into tiny slits. It wasn’t the answer she was waiting for. I flail my arms and roll my eyes. “I’m just being cautious. There’s a reason I broke up with him. I thought he was cheating on me.”
“Is that the story you’re still telling yourself?”
“What?” My body stiffens at the remark. I thought she of all people would understand.
“You know I don’t like to butt into other people’s business unless I think they’re making a mistake, and it’s high time I open up my mouth and tell you what I think about yours.”
I feel a sudden pang of fear and I don’t know why.
“That boy adored you, Ev. It was obvious to everyone except you. That last Christmas before you broke up with him, your mom and I had a little talk about you two. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you pushed him away.”
“I did not!”
“You did too. For some reason you started questioning whether or not you deserved him. Don’t you remember?”
“What I do remember is him pushing me for sex and my not being ready. I also remember having this feeling he was cheating on me!”
Kay shakes her head. “I don’t think for a second that he ever would have, and I trust my instincts. He never even so much as glanced at another woman. When you were with him, his eyes were glued to you. He loved you. My gut tells me he still does.”
I feel the air being sucked from my lungs.
“You’ve come a long way and I’m proud of you, but you have always had a tendency to run from what you truly deserve and fly toward what’s going to hurt you.
You ran from Nick. Mike was never very good to you, and for some reason, you wanted him even more for it.
You’ve always run to things that you think need to be fixed. ”
“That’s… that’s not true.” I stop and consider her words. Could she be right? My gut repeatedly told me to run, and I ignored it every time.
“You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be someone’s everything. Not their second or third thing, but their everything. Do you believe that?”
“Yes,” I state with confidence then turn away and feel a gnawing uncertainty in my stomach.
“Do you?” she asks again.
I face her, and my lips begin to tremble. “I never felt like I was enough back then. Not enough for Nick and not enough for Mike. I wasn’t enough of a daughter, and I should have gone to dinner that night when Mom and Dad asked me to. Maybe they wouldn’t have died.”
“Oh, child!” Grandma Kay wraps me in her arms. “That accident had nothing to do with you not being with them and everything to do with the slick roads.”
I slam my eyes shut as I utter the words I’ve only said to myself. “If I would have been with them, maybe I would have told Dad to slow down and he wouldn’t have lost control of the car.”
“Or maybe you would have died too. Where would that have left me? I’m telling you, everything happens for a reason.
Things happen in life to teach you a lesson.
There is something to be learned from every sorrow and every pain.
Now I fully believe there is a reason you married Mike, and it’s more than just to put those two little beacons of light upstairs into the world. ”
She leans on the table and slides into the chair.
“Sometimes the pain makes the joy that much sweeter. Don’t you see?
There’s a reason that young man walked back into your life.
You just need to figure out what that reason is.
Open your heart, Ev. Believe in yourself.
Allow yourself to be happy. You are enough! ”
“I do believe in myself. I know I’m enough.” As I say it out loud, I almost convince myself it’s true.
“Prove it! See if he deserves you.”
I squat down in front of her, and she places her hands on either side of my face. “You are a gift. The right man will know that and treat you like the treasure you are. Allow yourself to be treasured.”
“I will. Even if Nick’s not the one.” I laugh.
“Hmmm.” She shrugs. “I’d bet my can of red paint it’s always been him.”
AT TWO O’CLOCK I hear my phone vibrating on the washing machine. I set it down earlier and forgot all about it as I spent my nervous energy cleaning house. I notice there are six missed calls from Gwen. I call her back.
“Where have you been?” Gwen shouts as she answers.
“I was cleaning. I had it on vibrate and didn’t hear you calling. What’s going on?”
“Guess who showed up at the track today.”
My insides clap in excitement and then pause, awaiting a possible pissed off friend. “Who?” I feign uncertainty.
“Cooper!”
“What?” I shout. I’m quite proud of myself for acting surprised.
“Twice in one day. What are the chances?”
I don’t know if she’s asking me seriously, and I pause uncertainly for a moment. She continues and I think I’m off the hook.
“Today at practice he asked me to go out tonight, but I told him I had plans.”
I pace back and forth. I take a load of towels out of the dryer and fold them nervously.
“Then at noon, I was running the trail like I always do and I could sense another runner approaching fast. As soon as they got close, they slowed down behind me. It’s annoying as fuck when that happens.
I could feel my blood boiling. I was about to turn around and tell them to just fucking pass me if I wasn’t going fast enough.
Instead I just decided to stop dead in my tracks. He almost fell over me.”
“Oh my God!” I laugh. Cooper has no game.
“He had to avoid hitting me, and just as I was about to turn and yell at whoever was riding my ass, I saw it was him. I said, ‘God dammit, Cooper. What the hell?’ He stumbled to the ground and then started to laugh. It’s more like a rumble. His voice is so deep.”
“Then what happened?” I ask, praying she didn’t read him the riot act.
“I held out my hand to him to help him up. He was wearing a tight running shirt and shorts. It’s pretty obvious he lifts weights.”
I smile to myself. I can’t help but anticipate something good between them.
“I asked him what he was doing there, and he said one of his buddies recommended he try running the trails. He said he thought it might be a nice change of pace. I mean it’s crazy. What are the chances he would be there the same time as me on the same day I saw him at the soccer game?”
I pause for a moment to consider her tone. It’s not accusatory. It sounds like legitimate surprise. I wonder if she knows I told him. Maybe she does but she’s not mad. I’m not going to admit to anything, so I simply say, “Sounds like fate!”
“He ran with me the rest of the time. He did the full five miles and even chatted with me while we ran. It was nice to have company for once. We ran side by side at times. A couple of times I slowed just so I could look at his ass as he passed by.”
I laugh loudly. “How was it?”
“Let’s just say he made me more out of breath than I should have been.”
My shoulders rise excitedly as I bite my teeth together. “Did he know what you were doing?”
“Oh yeah, we laughed about it. He asked me how his form was. I told him he had a good stride and nothing to worry about. After that, he did the same to me. When I asked him about my form, it took him a bit to respond and it made me laugh. I said, ‘Hey, Coop, are you watching my form or just my ass?’ and he said, “I’m watching the form of your ass. I think I’ll hang out back here for a while and take in the view. ”
“Yay!” I can no longer hide my enthusiasm, and I’m pleasantly surprised when she seems to appreciate it.
“I don’t know about that man,” she states through an obvious smile.
“Then what happened? Then what happened?” I shout in excited repetition.
Gwen laughs. “After we finished the run, we walked for a bit. He asked me again if my phone was broken and I gave him the look.”
“Oh boy. I know that look.”
“Yep, the one that says I don’t do games.
Anyway, he asked me why I never write him back when he texts.
I told him I’m busy. Then he asked me if I’m really busy tonight or if I just lied to him to get him to back off.
I told him I lied, and he rubbed his sweaty beard and laughed.
Then he lifted his shirt to wipe his face and I got a heated view of his six pack and tattoos. ”
“I’m not sure which I want to know more about: the abs or the tats!”
“Both were FINE! In true Cooper form he pushed onward. He said, ‘I’ll give you one more shot to go out with me. I’m going uptown to the shooting range at three, and I thought maybe you’d like to tag along.
’ I forgot that I told him how much I wanted to learn to shoot.
I’ve been meaning to go since I got my permit and… ”
“Wait.” I stop her. “You have a permit? For a gun? Why is this the first I’ve heard of it?”
Gwen sighs into the phone and I glance at the clock. I only have a few hours to get ready for dinner with Nick and I still don’t know what I’m going to wear.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. I’ve always wanted to learn to shoot, so I got a gun a few months ago.”
“You bought a gun? So you have one?” I stop suddenly. I thought I knew everything about Gwen. I can’t believe she never told me.
“I’ve had it locked away. I was trying to find someone to take me, and I mentioned it to Cooper when we went to dinner. He knew I wanted a lesson. Who better to teach you than a marine-slash-cop?”
“So what did you say?”