Enough

Chapter 29 #3

He rolls his eyes. “Ever, no. I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to get in the middle of you two and cause a fight. It’s obvious he has some lingering feelings. Especially after what I saw today.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I question angrily.

“If Mike said something negative, I have every right to know. You have no idea what we discussed, and it’s technically none of your business.

So I don’t know what you think you saw, but you might as well tell me.

By the way, we’re not dating, and I don’t owe you any explanation for who I talk to and how I choose to live my life.

But since you think you know something, lay it on me.

This should be fascinating.” If I didn’t feel the need to use my dress to cover up my thighs, I might throw it at him.

He smirks and strides toward me. “You’re still a spitfire, aren’t you?”

“No, actually, I’m not. I’ve told you, I’m not the same girl you think you know. Now answer the question.”

“You want me to answer a question?”

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?”

He huffs. “Please restate the question, Your Honor.”

“What… do… you… think… you… saw?” I speak irritatingly slow. I don’t know why I’m picking a fight with him, but I am.

He rocks back and forth on his heels with his arms crossed on his chest. “I saw the way he was ogling you today at the field. He didn’t like that we knew each other. He didn’t like it one fucking bit.”

“Why should that bother you? I think he was more upset that I might steal you away from him than he was that you knew me. You shouldn’t be concerned.

He never wanted me during the marriage anyway.

He took a deal from his parents to marry me and another one later to stay with me.

You’ll be pleased to know that I fucked up one thing after another after we broke up.

So relish in this… My marriage was a complete and total sham from day one.

The day I lost the baby he told me he’d never wanted me.

So, see? I’m not the girl you remember. I’m the throw-away girl, and we both know you’re too good for any man’s trash. ”

Nick’s jaw drops in shock at my words. I feel tears prick my eyes, and I glare toward the door, wanting to run for it. There’s something about him that always makes me want to bolt. Grandma Kay was right, but I don’t care. I rush toward the door and he steps in front of it.

“How did you manage to twist my comment into that? What I meant to say is that I didn’t like the way he was looking at you because I was jealous.

You are not a throw-away girl, and you’ve never been trash.

The fact that you can even say that about yourself makes me want to find Mike and smash his head in. ”

I try to step around him and he angles to stop me. “Let me leave, Nick.”

“Why? Why do you always run from me?”

“Because.”

He huffs. “Because? That’s all you’ve got?”

I stare into his serious, concerned eyes and release an angry breath. I close my eyes for a moment and fumble with the dress I’m clutching in my hands.

He steps in front of me and reaches his hand out to touch my arm. “Not knowing what’s going through that head of yours is killing me. I don’t understand. Make me understand why you’re so angry.”

I drop onto the corner of the bed, lay my dress on my lap, and cover my face with my hands.

“I thought I’d worked through all my feelings of inadequacy.

I don’t know why they keep popping up. I twist everything you say around in my head because I’m scared.

I’m so used to negativity that I don’t know how to deal with someone like you. Someone who isn’t trying to hurt me.”

Nick waits patiently.

I peek at him through my fingers and he notices me. He smiles. I cringe and recover my eyes. “I can’t say this stuff to you!”

“Why not?” he questions sincerely.

“Because you’re you! I don’t want you to think less of me.”

I watch him again through the slits of my fingers and realize I probably look as juvenile as I feel.

He shakes his head and stares at the ground painstakingly.

He reaches up and pulls my hands from my eyes as he crouches down in front of me.

“When Mike would talk about his ex, the only thing that was clear to me was that he had mistreated her. He didn’t say much, but it was obvious to me from his words and by his actions that he sucked as a husband and a father.

I know it’s been a while, and I might not know you anymore, but since I spoke to you it’s been clear to me that you’re still the amazing woman I remember.

The only person who doesn’t seem to get that is you. ”

“Have you been talking to Kay?” I ask.

“No, why? Do I sound like her?”

“Maybe a little. I’m actually good now, Nick. I’m happy with my life and what I’ve done with it this last year. As shitty as our marriage was, and I’m sure I wasn’t perfect, I can’t regret it because of Marlow and Kale.”

“Of course not. They seem like great kids.”

“They are. The divorce was hard on them, but it was what I needed. What we all needed. The thing is… seeing you and being around you… it scares the shit out of me.”

“Why?” he asks with furrowed brows.

“Because?”

He smirks. “Not enough, Ever.”

“Exactly!” I say as I point in the direction of his words. I pause and stare at him. He doesn’t grasp my meaning, and I feel I’ve already said too much. “You know what? It’s late and I really think I should just go home.”

He sighs. “If that’s what you want.” He stands and waits for my next move.

When he says I can go, I wish he’d beg me to stay.

Why am I so indecisive around him? Take me home, ask me to stay, come over for lunch, maybe later, call me, don’t call me…

I’m a walking contradiction. I sigh at myself and stand from the corner of the bed.

His hands reach into his pockets. I need to put an end to my self-created vicious cycle.

I need to trust my instincts. What are they telling me?

I pause for a moment and reach deep down inside to listen to my gut. Instead of walking toward the door, I amble to the bed, drop my dress on the floor, and climb under the covers. He watches me in surprise.

His hand rubs the back of his neck, and he sighs as I turn on my side, lifting my hair onto his pillow. It smells just like him.

He makes his way into the bathroom, and after the flush of a toilet, a minute of running water, and a few moments of quiet, he leaves the bathroom and enters his closet.

A few seconds later he appears bare chested with navy blue shorts.

I try not to stare, but I can’t help myself.

I don’t remember him having abs like that when we were dating.

I blink a few times to make sure I’m not seeing things.

He’s obviously spent some quality time working out.

There’s a very intricate tattoo on his right shoulder that leads down his arm.

That’s new too. I never thought I found tattoos very sexy until now.

He turns out the light and starts to close the bedroom door.

“Nick?”

“Yeah?” He pauses by the door.

“What’s up with the tat?”

He huffs out a small laugh. “You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that. I just wondered where it came from.”

“I got it in Italy, actually. It was a on a whim.”

“There you go, being all worldly again.” I giggle playfully.

I can see his smile in the light from the hall. “Goodnight, Ever.”

“Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go away.”

He stills. “I don’t know what you’re asking me.”

I sit up and point to the other side of the bed.

“I’m still not clear.”

“Sleep here, with me. On your side. But just so I can look at you some more.”

He grins briefly before he struts into the hall and turns out the lights.

Now it’s pitch black. I hear him, but I can’t see him.

He flicks on the light from the closet and leaves the door slightly ajar.

He treads toward the bed, pulls back the covers, and climbs in next to me.

In the year we were together, we never actually slept in the same bed. This is different, but oddly right.

“So you want to look at me?” he asks with a wink.

“Yeah. You’re kinda hot.”

“Just kinda?”

I take a deep breath and start to reach out to touch him, but I pull back. I pause, and he stares into my eyes, searching for understanding. “When I asked you not to go away, I didn’t just mean tonight. Try to have some patience with me. If you think you can. If you think you might want to.”

He leans forward and plants a small, delicate kiss on my forehead. “I don’t just think I want to, I know I do.”

TWO HOURS LATER and I still haven’t slept.

I’m going to take a nap before work tonight.

I just can’t relax being in bed next to him.

I remember that I forgot to set my alarm, so I tiptoe out into the hall and reach for my purse on the counter.

I’m relieved to see a text from Kay letting me know all is well.

I set my alarm for six, two hours from now, just in case I happen to fall asleep next to my half-naked ex. I roll my eyes at the absurdity. I tiptoe back into Nick’s bedroom, hoping maybe I’ll be able to doze off like he did.

He’s lying on his back with his arm over his head, resting on his pillow. His eyes are closed, and I stare at him for a moment before I softly climb back into bed next to him.

I gently turn to face him and watch him sleep.

My eyes dart over his bare chest, and I long to slide my hands over his abs.

I memorize the tiny freckle above his left nipple and the small amount of dark hair in his armpit.

Only on Nick would I find that hair sexy.

I try to find a flaw, just one thing that doesn’t turn me on about him, and I come up empty.

I take small, steadying breaths as I attempt to remember what possessed me to let him go all those years ago.

He’s beautiful. He’s sweet. Could I still have feelings for him?

Are they new feelings or did they never really go away?

“So, what do you think?” he whispers as he lifts one eyelid.

It shocks me to know he’s not sleeping. “Did I wake you?” I ask.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“What do you mean?” I mumble softly.

“Do you honestly think any part of me can relax with your body so close to mine?”

Nick has always had a way of making me feel beautiful. “You’re crazy,” I whisper.

“I’m still crazy about you. When do I get to see you again?”

“I work tomorrow, then again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

He turns his body to face mine. “So what I’m hearing is you’re free Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

I laugh. “No… I can’t do school nights. Too hard.”

“So, Saturday and Sunday?”

“I’ll see you at next week’s game, I suppose. How did you end up helping out Marlow’s team, by the way?”

He lifts his hand and pulls a small strand of hair out of my mouth before he answers.

“Scott Dawson and I work together. His daughter, Nichole, is on the team, and one day at work we were discussing soccer. I told him I played college ball and he all but begged me to come out and talk to the kids. I really only intended to do the one day, but I got such a kick out of it that I started coming as often as I could.”

“What are the chances?” I ask.

“Yeah. I guess I’m pretty lucky.”

“So it seems I would have seen you whether Cooper pulled Gwen over or not?”

“I guess so.”

“It’s kind of weird that you work for a company in this state too.”

“Yeah,” he says through a small smile that doesn’t touch his eyes.

“I can’t believe you’ve been here for three years and I never saw you once.” I lean up on my elbow.

The corner of his mouth curls upward, and he also rises onto his elbow. Now our elbows are touching. It’s as if I just came into contact with a furnace. My elbow is immediately warm and tingling.

I stare at our arms for a second and so does he.

His eyes gaze into mine with such intensity I think my vagina may explode.

My breathing becomes ragged, and I purposefully move my arm so that it’s touching more of his.

He notices and turns farther into me. Our bodies are inches apart, and I can feel his heat through the blankets pressed between us like a barrier.

His hand lifts to my face, and he rubs the outside of his fingers on my cheek. Then he reaches for my free hand and holds it between us. He glances down to my hand and turns it to examine my fingers. I smile on the inside and I’m transported back in time to a much younger Nick with my hand in his.

“You have the most stunning hands I’ve ever seen,” he whispers, bringing my fingers to his lips.

He kisses the outside of my knuckles and I twist my hand to bring the tips of my fingers to his mouth.

I gently skate my fingers over his soft, wet lips, and he opens them slightly to breathe.

When I start to repeat the movement, he kisses them.

He lifts his hand to mine once again and holds my fingers against his mouth, where he kisses my fingers then my palm.

His eyes never deter from mine, and I know he’s watching me to see if he’s gone too far.

I can’t help the small moan that escapes my lips or the alarm in my head that unwillingly jolts my hand away from his mouth.

He lowers my hand to rest between us. Although I want him with every fiber of my being, I’m scared.

If I move too fast, I may get hurt. He seems to sense my nervousness and responds with a simple nod of his head.

He leans his head on the pillow and I mimic him.

He continues to touch my fingers. The slow, soft feel of his hand stroking mine relaxes me, and my eyes become heavier.

The last thing I remember is him smiling at me. It’s my smile.